Monday, July 9, 2018

Night moves...

This post is going to be TMI.  If you are easily offended by body humor, you should move on.  You have been warned.

Remember that old song by Bob Seger, "Night Moves"?  It's one of my favorites by him.  I always thought of that song as being about hooking up with someone when you're a teenager.  Seger sings about how he was a little too tall, could'a used a few pounds.  He hooks up with a black haired beauty with big dark eyes and comes of age...

Daphne Zuniga helped out with the video.

Well, last night, I worked on a few night moves of my own.  They happened in the sweet summertime, just like in the song.  However, they had nothing to do with reminiscing about awkward teenage sex.  

I woke up at about 1:00am and needed to take an enormous shit.  I'm not sure what prompted by body to go into ejection mode at that time of day.  Usually, I'm prompted to do that first thing in the morning when I get up.  In fact, I was prompted to do that this morning, as usual.  But I also had to do it last night.  I guess I should be glad I woke up and didn't just go in my sleep the way Arran does sometimes.  

I was so bewildered by my early morning voiding that I went looking for online anecdotes about so-called "Night Moves".  As usual, Urban Dictionary delivered with a pretty hilarious definition of "night shits".  I had to laugh as I read it because it describes exactly what happened to me last night.  I'd been asleep for a couple of hours when I awoke suddenly from a dream.  I stood up, went to the bathroom, and peed.  Then I went back to bed.  All of a sudden, my guts told me I needed to drop some kids off at the pool.  So I stumbled back into the bathroom and proceeded to pinch a massive loaf.

Very large dumps are annoying enough when you're fully awake.  When you're sleepy, they are highly obnoxious... and possibly noxious.  It took a couple of curtain calls to clear the log jam.  I went back to sleep, then woke up at about 4:00am, when Zane decided he wanted to get under the covers.  It was about that time that I realized the temperature had broken and I was actually a little cold.  So I got under the covers and dozed off for another hour or so, when Bill woke me up.  I got up thinking maybe I'd be spared my usual morning dump.  No such luck.  In fact, as I write this, my body is alerting me to the need to evacuate more kids from the cave.

Not the cake I made yesterday, but this is a blackout cake.  It's delicious.  I am going to include the recipe to the link I share on the official OH Facebook page.   I figure anyone who read beyond today's opening warning deserves a treat. 

Yesterday was an interesting day.  Bill asked me to make him his favorite cake for his birthday.  His favorite cake is "Blackout Cake", which comes from a recipe in a chocolate desserts cookbook my former best friend gave me for my 20th birthday.  I haven't spoken to this person in years, but I still use that cookbook, mainly to make that one specific cake.  As I was baking, I noticed how gross our kitchen was.  The counters were nasty.  There was debris on the walls and the floor needed a good sweeping.  So while the cake baked, I started cleaning.  Bill joined me and pretty soon, it was obvious our plans to go somewhere would be put on hold.

I moved from the kitchen to the living room, cleaned the glassware, did some dusting, and even dustmopped under the sofas.  Then I went to my dresser and cleaned out some clothes I never wear anymore.  I still have too much stuff, but there's more room to put my clothes away now.  I got rid of a couple of items I haven't worn since 2007 and at least one dress I bought four years ago and have never worn in public.  I always feel vaguely virtuous when I prune my wardrobe.  Since we're going to Ireland in a few days, I don't feel so bad about missing our regularly scheduled field trip.

You know what's funny about this post?  I suspect it will get some hits.  I've noticed that people don't tend to read my deep posts that require thinking and expression.  However, post about a dog hair stuck in your foot or a piece of brown ear wax randomly falling out of your ear and you will score massive hits.  Many people like to read about those things.  Maybe it's because it's a universal experience among humans.  Sometimes you have random gross body experiences and want to know if anyone else has experienced it.  Check online and you'll soon find out they have... and sometimes people film it for posterity or write very descriptive blog posts.  

I decided not to write a description of my "night moves", mainly because I didn't actually see it.  However, my other senses told me it was a sizable deposit.  I guess the salad and broccoli I ate over the weekend helped clean me out... much like Bill and I cleaned out a portion of our house yesterday.  I wish I got into the mood to clean more often.  I didn't inherit my mom's cleaning gene, though, and it's pretty rare that I'll go into supercleaning.  When I do, it tends to last a few hours and things get a fairly thorough scrubbing.

After we did some cleaning, we had a late lunch at a Greek restaurant in the next town, then came home, turned on some music, and got rid of some of our old booze that needed to be consumed and disposed of.  That may be another reason my body needed to clean itself in the middle of the night.

Anyway... if you've read this post in its entirety, I thank you... and if you like chocolate, I encourage you to make the blackout cake, or get someone to make it for you.  It really is a nice treat and it keeps for ages.


  1. As one who deals with ulcerative colitis (as a person and not just as a physician) I have experience with night moves, mid-morning moves, and moves occurring at any time on the clock. You have my sympathy.

    1. Well, colitis is another thing altogether. You have MY sympathy.


Comments on older posts will be moderated.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.