Friday, June 29, 2018

"I'd love to go down on you..."

I could write about how pissed off I am at Donald Trump right now... but that's kind of an ongoing condition that waxes and wanes but never completely goes away.  No... after yesterday's moody post, I think today, I'm going to try to be funny.  I'll probably fail, although I'm fairly likely to offend.  Oh well.

Yesterday, I decided to make some music on SingSnap.  It was my first day back after a ten day hiatus that was started, in part, because I was getting hit on by some guy who tried to flatter me by telling me he thinks I'm "hot"...  probably says that about every female with a pulse.  Another reason why I decided not to do any music is because for the past ten days or so, there have been road workers tearing up our street.  I don't like to make music when there are people outside the window.  It makes me self-conscious.  Also, I don't like the sound of jackhammers on my recordings.

The street isn't even in particularly bad condition, but Germans repair everything on a timeline.  It's time to repave the street, so that's what they're doing right now.  For the past two days, there's been a trench at the end of our driveway.  Good thing I didn't need to drive anywhere.  They did fix it last night.

Anyway, the construction workers weren't around for most of yesterday, so I decided it was time to make some music.  I recorded a whole bunch of songs.  And as I was scrolling through the featured country songs yesterday, I happened to read too fast.  I saw Conway Twitty's song, "I'd Love to Lay You Down" followed by Shenandoah's "I'll Go Down Loving You".  I looked at the two titles too quickly and did a double take, because it looked like there was a song on the list called "I'd Love to Go Down On You".  I know song titles are more risque these days, but that seemed pretty over the top.  Then, I had a good laugh... because can you imagine the lyrics?  Naturally, I next saw that as a challenge.

Bill took our dogs to Uncle Max's because we're going to stay in downtown Stuttgart this weekend.  The Rolling Stones are playing tomorrow night and we have tickets on the 13th row.  I have a feeling that by the end of the show, we will not be in any condition to drive home.  We decided to make a "staycation" weekend out of it.  We'll go out to dinner tonight, see the concert tomorrow, and come home on Sunday.

Meanwhile, I have to find some way to occupy my time before Bill finishes work and fetches me for our weekend in the big city...  So, with that in mind, I think I'll write another one of my famous song parodies.  Here goes.

Here are the original lyrics to Adam Sandler's masterpiece...

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh, it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you
Feed you
Even let you hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink
Oh, I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you


And here are my gross revamped lyrics... (Just so you know, I've never actually done this.  I'm about as conventional as they come when it comes to coming.)

I wanna make you grin when your balls are blue.
Help you sleep when there's too much to do.
All I wanna do... is go down on you.

I'll give you lots of love when your stress is high...
Sit back, relax, I'll unzip your fly...
Oh, it could be so nice, going down on you.

I'll bless you
Caress you
Massage you when your manhood's limp.

Tease you
Appease you
Even pretend that you're my pimp...

So let me climb across your sexy bod...
Bow down to your stiffened rod...
Oh I could be the girl... who goes down on you..
I'd love to go down on you.

And here is the finished product.


Bill's birthday is July 7th.  I suppose I could give him this for his birthday and make all his dreams *cum* true... (see what I did there?)  But knowing me, it'll be just another boring day in paradise.  Apologies to anyone who now needs brain bleach.  

6 comments:

  1. Well, that is all kinds of awesome... love it

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    1. Thanks! I clearly had fun with it!

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  2. I'm supposed to meet up with my ultra-conservative charismatic Catholic godmother as soon as she finishes what she has to do at the county courthouse in relation to some property their business is buying.. I will share your lyrics to freak her out.


    We're going to San Jose to pick up cupcakes for my cousin's baby shower. Then I am catching a plane to Canada.

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    1. Bill loved the song. It made him laugh!

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  3. I love mondegreens. My favorite is "a half an enchilada and you think you're going to drown" rather than John Prine's "half an inch of water and you think you're going to drown". Kudos for the entire song. heh heh heh

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    Replies
    1. I had fun with it. Maybe I should make more parodies. They help improve my mood.

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