Monday, April 16, 2018

"One woman's trash is another woman's treasure, homewrecker."

On New Year's Eve 2010, I received the title of this blog post as a comment on an article I wrote.  I was puzzled by the comment, so I wrote a piece for about the "homewrecker" concept. Later, I reposted the piece in this blog.  For the record, although I am Bill's second wife, I did not "steal" him from his ex.  I didn't meet him in person until after they were legally divorced.  Prior to that, we had a platonic friendship, although I won't deny there were "sparks".

I've been reading a new book.  This morning, I decided to make some progress within it.  One of the couples in the book came together after multiple marriages to other people.  The husband was married to his first wife when he was a young man.  He had three children with her before the marriage fell apart.  Then he married his second wife, who was a stepmother to his three kids.  The second wife truly loved her husband and was blindsided when he decided to divorce her.  He'd fallen in love with a third woman, who was herself newly divorced.

The third woman knew the guy was married.  She got a divorce before they hooked up.  By all accounts, she was a very kind, hopeful woman who believed in the late Sylvia Browne and was a fan of new age philosophy.  Her motto was that one has to grab happiness wherever it's available.

Would I call her a "homewrecker" for marrying her husband?  They were together until they died and they did have a "spark".  I don't know.  I think when a person has an affair, it takes two to tango.  Personally, I would not want to be romantically involved with a married man.  I think people who don't honor their marriage vows are untrustworthy.  But I don't think people have the ability to "home wreck" without the other person's consent.  Also, life is short, and it probably is good advice to grab joy where you can find it... although it's best to be ethical about it.  If you're married and not in an open relationship, it's best to end a relationship before you start a new one.

Maybe I'm wrong to write this because some people might think of it as tempting fate.  Bill and I genuinely love being together.  Neither of us enjoys the dating process.  I highly doubt there will be any affairs between either of us.  If there is, it will be a genuine surprise.  It's not wise to say "never", but I think it would be highly unlikely to happen.

Yesterday, as we were driving to Bebenhausen Monastery, Bill was talking about some of the people he knows at work.  Quite a few of them can't wait to get back to the United States, solely so they can watch ESPN.  A lot of guys want to hang out with their buddies and watch sports, drink beer, and maybe ogle women other than their wives.  Bill doesn't care about sports.  He doesn't watch football, play golf, or hang out with the guys.  After work, he comes home and hangs out with me.

Likewise, I don't hang out with other people.  In fact, thanks to last fall's local drama, I don't even find myself wanting to make new friends here.  I've found that a lot of people who call themselves "friends" turn out to be disappointing.  I don't have a lot in common with a lot of the women in this area.  I don't have kids and a lot of people think I'm weird and/or annoying.  It's probably better if I just hang out alone with my dogs, rather than try to "fit in" with other people.  A true friend is hard to find.  I probably have a touch of social anxiety, which seems hard to believe if you know me in person.  Most people think I'm very extraverted.  I'm not, really.  It's kind of a defense mechanism.

I think I'm lucky because my husband is a "true friend".  Yes, he's my husband, but he's also a great companion.  He genuinely loves me, but he also likes me.  He doesn't expect me to change.  I can't imagine being with anyone else and have no desire to look for anyone else.  I don't even have crushes anymore.  He's pretty much said the same to me.  I believe him, even though more than one person has told me that "all men cheat".

I don't believe that all men cheat.  I think a lot of them do, given the opportunity.  But certainly not all of them do.  I don't know how I got so lucky... but, on the other hand, I'm trying to be careful not to tempt fate.  Unfortunately, that causes me a lot of anxiety.  I feel anxious right now, even though I don't really have a reason to be anxious.

There was a time when I could cry easily and let out those feelings of tension and worry.  I can't cry like I used to.  It's like my body won't do it.  I noticed I lost the ability after I took psychoactive medications.  I still get upset and angry, but I don't melt down into tears.  For the most part, that's a good thing... except when I feel like I need to have a good cry.  I don't know why, but I feel like I need one now.

Well... that's about it for "deep thoughts" on a Monday morning.  I don't know why my "homewrecker" post gets so many hits.  People are probably disappointed when they read it.  Maybe later, I'll be in a funny mood and write something a little less "deep".


  1. Just to confirm it for you, all men don't cheat.

    1. Yeah, I know. It's just that I've heard it so often from people... of course, one person I heard it from was a former social work client who had been married three times and admitted to cheating on his wives.


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