Friday, March 23, 2018

The continuing saga of operation open eyes...

I hesitate to write this post, mainly because I know some people might think it's wrong that I write so much about my husband's long lost kids.  Maybe it's not right to share this story with the few people who follow it.  On the other hand, it's not like I haven't spilled my guts before.  I also think it's a compelling story... and one that too many people can relate to on some level.  So here goes...

Last night, Bill and his daughter Skyped.  They started off talking about light topics, but naturally things got deeper.  I think they talked for over two hours.  I was asleep by the time he came to bed.  Actually, this morning I had a strange dream about Bill.  I dreamt we moved to south Florida and he was going to go to jail.  I was trying to prepare for his time away.  Fortunately, I woke up before I saw him being hauled off in handcuffs.  I'm not sure what brought on this dream.  Maybe it has to do with the tumult of our government right now.  It's hard to tell.

Anyway, last night, Bill learned that his ex wife, who was adopted, discovered her biological parents. She was evidently the product of an extramarital affair.  Her biological father evidently told her bio mom that he didn't want to raise her.  Likewise, bio mom's husband also didn't want to raise another man's child, so they put her up for adoption.  It kind of makes sense, since ex also has affairs.  Or, at least she cheated on both her first husband and Bill, starting relationships with her next victim while still married to the last one.  I don't know what her love life is like now.  Ex's adopted mother, who was apparently very abusive, died in 2015.

I think it's interesting that Ex and two of her five kids have been reuniting with their long lost biological relatives.  Ex stepson reconnected with his father in 2009 and now younger daughter is reconnecting with Bill.  And Ex finally met her bio parents, whose illicit tryst explains a bit as to why she is the way she is.

Bill also learned that former stepson came very close to getting a divorce.  I'm not sure what the details are about that, although what I do know is that former stepson has apparently mended his ways for now.  He and his wife are still together and their six year old marriage is still intact.  I had a suspicion that the two of them were on the outs.  I'm glad they're sticking together, if only because they do have a child to consider.

Older daughter apparently came close to getting married and decided not to.  She also was dating a different guy who seemed serious, but he had another woman on the side and decided to marry the other one.  I say, she dodged a bullet.

Younger daughter initially went to BYU in Provo.  However, she got no help whatsoever from her mother and went to college totally unprepared on many levels.  She arrived at her dorm room with nothing but her clothes.  She had no sheets, no pillow, and no money to buy anything she needed.  This is another situation in which had she only been talking to Bill, he could have helped her.  He would have been honored to help her.  It's a shame she was denied access to her dad during such a pivotal period in her life.  However, it does sound like there were at least some church people willing to assist.

Younger daughter plays piano, having learned on YouTube.  I don't know how good she is, though Bill said she used a keyboard to play for him while they Skyped.  She also said that by the time she was eighteen years old, she could no longer stand to live with her mother.  They were having a lot of fights.  I am not at all surprised by that revelation, either.  Younger daughter has always been the most determined to do things her own way.  It doesn't surprise me that she rejects being controlled by other people.

I think the rest of the conversation mostly had to do with Bill giving advice and sharing stories about his own mother, whom his daughters were denied the chance to get to know.  Fortunately, Bill's mom is still living.  Maybe they will Skype.  Younger daughter even asked about me.  She's probably curious, although if she knew where to look, she could easily find me and learn more than she'd ever want to know.  Bill also said that he wanted to send his daughter and her husband DNA kits.  That news seemed to excite her.  She's interested in genealogy.

It's gratifying to see Bill reconnecting with his daughter.  It's been a long time coming.  I just hope it all turns out okay.  Bill had the chance to explain some things to his daughter, like the reason why he stopped talking to ex stepson.  I'm not sure he explained in detail what exactly happened, though.  If he did, maybe younger daughter would understand even more.

So... that's basically the gist of things right now.  It's nice not being so angry at them anymore.  I hope it continues.  If anything, I hope this continuing story offers some insight as to what happens after years of parental alienation.  I feel sure that if I were in younger daughter's shoes, I'd feel a complex host of emotions... everything from excitement to rage.  Here she is, discovering her real dad and finding out that she was fed a lot of lies over the years.  It's bound to be mind blowing.

4 comments:

  1. maybe some day Ted's other 3 kids will reconnect with him. gives me hope reading about Bill's situation.

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    Replies
    1. Maybe they will.

      I have to admit, I never thought I would see the day. Well... I kind of knew one would reconnect. But it has so far surprised me by being more civilized than I imagined.

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  2. As always, interesting read and finely written. I am so glad our family doesn't have any serious issues in this regard... all adopted and we all get along well... unless its a political subject!! LOL

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