Saturday, March 10, 2018

Being "joyfully available..."

That Duggar group has really given me a new place to waste time.  It's very active, with lots of posts about supersized families, most of which practice fundamentalist Christianity.  This morning, there was a bit of a spat going on between a couple of members.  Someone posted a picture of Jill Dillard with her arm around her husband, Derick.  In the photo, Jill is wearing a dress that reveals her knees.

If you've spent any time watching 19 Kids and Counting, you know that her mother, Michelle Duggar, went to great lengths not to show her knees.  I remember on one episode, Michelle was shown waterskiing and had her knees artificially blacked out.  It was completely ridiculous, but it got fans talking to the point at which people go into a tizzy if one of the Duggar ladies shows her knees on camera.

On the actual episode, Mrs. Duggar's knees were covered with black "boxes".

Below is small part of a massive thread that blew up about Jill's knees and "rapey" comments...

For the record, I think the outrage over the "rape" comment got blown a bit out of proportion.  The fact is, Michelle Duggar did say that wives should be "joyfully available" to their husbands, even if they are exhausted.  In 2015, a fan asked her about marriage advice she'd give to her daughter, Jill.  Michelle passed on advice that she got from a friend.

“And so be available, and not just available, but be joyfully available for him. Smile and be willing to say, ‘Yes, sweetie I am here for you,’ no matter what, even though you may be exhausted and big pregnant and you may not feel like he feels. ‘I’m still here for you and I’m going to meet that need because I know it’s a need for you.’ ”

It's also true that four of the Duggar daughters are victims of sexual abuse and the family tried to cover it up.  Was the comment in poor taste?  Perhaps it was.  However, I don't think the woman who posted it literally meant that Jill had been trained to "beg for rape".  It was an off color, facetious joke.  

The concept of being "joyfully available" is pretty controversial, especially among feminists.  I will admit that while I can sort of understand what Mrs. Duggar means-- making sure your husband gets enough sex to keep him happy-- I also think it's kind of creepy.  Sorry... if I'm exhausted or feeling shitty, I'm definitely not feeling sexy.  I'm not going to be "joyfully available" at that time.

Fortunately, my husband would never ask me to be "available" to him for sex if I wasn't up to it.  He's evolved that way.  I will always be forever grateful to my husband's mom for teaching her son to be so respectful; but then, I think Bill is just a very naturally respectful person.  He's not a selfish person and wants me to enjoy intimacy with him.  Jim Bob, on the other hand, seems to think women are chattel who need to be ruled over by their husbands.

Honestly, I can't imagine that sex done out of duty would be a whole lot of fun for either party.  But then, I guess sex isn't really supposed to be fun when your main goal is to procreate.  On the other hand, if you're so sexually repressed that the sight of someone's knees causes you to think lustful thoughts, then any sex is probably a good time.

Thank God I'm not a fundie of any stripe.


  1. Perennial availability, whether joyful or otherwise, is not something I will offer any significant other. I would consider any guy who wanted to have sex with an extremely pregnant woman to be a bit off.

    1. Sadly, there are guys like that out there. Some men are really turned on by pregnant women. And some guys are just really horny. Honestly, I can't believe how lucky I am. I have a very considerate husband who probably takes better care of me than I deserve. But that's kind of his nature.


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