Wednesday, October 4, 2017

The person I used to stalk...


I think this could be good background music for today's topic... and no, I don't want to be a "Big Shot".  I'd rather take a big shit.  On a related note... is it me, or does Billy Joel sound a little off pitch?  He also looks a little drunk... or something?  This is not his best performance, for sure...

Hello, sportsfans.  I want all of you to know that I pay close attention to who reads this blog.  I mainly do it because I have nothing better to do.  Statcounter is a very interesting tool that shows me where my readers come from and which articles they read.  Every once in awhile, I get someone who appears to get hooked and they read a whole bunch of stuff.

I don't know if I should be alarmed or flattered when I catch someone reading a lot over several days or in just one sitting.  The paranoid side of me thinks they are collecting evidence.  The narcissistic side wonders if they just think I'm a brilliant writer or something.  Actually, when I stop and wonder why people read this rag, I think it must be because a lot of them are bored and lack other things to read.

I seem to have a new fan in Stuttgart who has spent the last few days reading a bunch of my blog posts.  I will admit to being suspicious because of the specific posts this person is reading.  I'm not that surprised, though.  I had a feeling this would happen when I recently left a bunch of Facebook groups.  I kind of knew that eventually one or two people would come here looking for dirt.  Why?  Probably because they're bored and have nothing better to do.  I understand.  I've even done it myself, though not to anyone in the local community.

Several years ago, I used to read everything a person I "knew" online was writing.  She was fascinating to me, though not in a "good" way.  This person was hellbent on becoming an online star and outwardly said so on more than one occasion.  One time, she actually wrote that she intended to become a Twitter star.  Many people did enjoy reading her posts and genuinely seemed to like her.  In fact, at first I liked her, too.  She could be very funny and engaging when she wanted to be.

However, despite her occasional charm, this chick was also disturbingly narcissistic and delusional.  What started out as my admiration for her sense of humor and sharp wit eventually turned to disdain, especially when I noticed her blatant demands for ego stroking.  On the one site where we'd actually engaged, she sent me a PM demanding that I write a supportive comment on one of her posts.  I was kind of taken aback, because it wasn't like we were that friendly.  She wasn't one of my online besties or anything.  We were barely online acquaintances.

When things didn't go her way, she'd lash out in a very predictable manner.  She'd start off being reasonable, taking the moral high ground.  When that didn't work, her tone would escalate until it eventually reached a fever pitch.  I'd watch her get really angry at anyone who called her out for being narcissistic.  Then she would viciously go off on them.  She'd make sneering demands, engage in name calling, and be very caustic and abusive.

For example, she'd present a situation going on at home involving her husband or stepson.  Naturally, she would present herself as the most reasonable of the people involved, even if it was clear she wasn't.  She obviously sought validation for her views and many people willingly gave it to her.  But then someone would eventually call her on her shit and the fireworks would go off.  She couldn't stand to be confronted or contradicted.

I saw my former stalkee engage in this pattern on several different Web sites... everywhere from the Second Wives Cafe to Military.com to Babycenter.  Usually, she'd eventually get so pissed off at someone that, after an angry outburst, she'd take her ball and go home, only to pop up in another online community and continue the same routine.  Sometimes she'd change her nickname to one of the three or four she used regularly.  She was pretty easy to spot regardless, because her style was, and probably still is, unmistakable.

Due to her narcissistic proclivities, this lady was a big fan of posting selfies.  Although she was morbidly obese, she fancied herself a beautiful Amazonian woman.  At one point, she even worked as a "bodyguard" at a Texas megachurch.  She'd praise her large body for its ability to protect the couple who served as pastors at this huge church.  From what I understand, her brand of bodyguarding did not involve her actually putting her hands on anyone.  Mostly, she just seemed to serve as a human barrier.  Her sheer size was enough to provide protection to the pastors.  I guess if you're extremely large, you can do that and call yourself a "bodyguard".  She was not paid for this "work", by the way.  It was a "calling" she had for her church.

Although she admitted to being a very large person and posted a lot of pictures of herself to prove it, my stalkee would also constantly write about her so-called healthy eating habits.  She'd brag about consuming vegetables and whole grains, along with Doritos and Dr. Pepper.  But then she would post about going to a restaurant, eating a big piece of cake, and getting stuck in a chair.  Sometimes, she'd be very candid about herself and end up contradicting all of her tall tales.  In a way, it was kind of sad on the rare occasions she was truthful.  I could see that deep down, she didn't believe her own bullshit.  I have a feeling that she would prefer to be a different kind of person but, for whatever reason-- one that I suspect involves abuse from her childhood-- she's unable to evolve beyond the emotional age of about twelve.

My stalkee eventually had weight loss surgery and took off a whole lot of bulk.  She looked really good for a time, but eventually put the weight back on.  I haven't seen any pictures lately, so I don't know if she's tried again.    

The person I used to stalk was the epitome of a narcissistic drama queen.  I followed her for a long time, but eventually lost interest.  Every once in awhile, I check in on her to see if she's up to anything, but I've mostly moved on.  I figure I've seen enough of her to know that some things never change.  The last I saw of her was a GoFundMe page she put up with pleas for donations so she and her husband go on a belated honeymoon.  I noticed her campaign was not at all successful.  Still, she had the extremely entitled balls to try it.

I find narcissists really fascinating, although I try hard to keep them at an arm's length.  Narcissists never hide because they always seek attention, so I will sometimes give it to them.  I've gotten pretty good at spotting them.  While I find narcissists interesting to observe, I don't try to befriend them because that's always a recipe for disaster.  In fact, when I do find myself tangled up with a narcissist, I run for the hills.  That's pretty much why I left most of the local Facebook groups, because I spotted yet another one who wanted to interact with me.  I wish I could run for the hills from our current president, because I think he and my former stalkee have a great deal in common.

I don't have any local friends I can sit around and shoot the breeze with, so I write stuff online.  Most people don't care too much about my opinions, so I always take notice when I see people reading a bunch of stuff all at once, especially when they hone in on certain articles and actually follow links... and read screenshots.  Trust me.  You haven't gone unnoticed.

I would not be the least surprised if there are people in certain groups talking trash about me.  I'm sure some of them are, because I've done it, too.  However, I also don't really give a fuck anymore.  I can't control what other people think or what they say.  And I am not an important person anyway, so what people say about me matters little.  It's not like I have a reputation that matters to anyone other than myself.  I don't aspire to be a Twitter star.  In many ways, being insignificant is liberating.  I'm glad I'm not like the person I used to stalk.  I think it must be a horrible way to live.


4 comments:

  1. It's not you. He sounds as though he can't quite hear the accompaniment.

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    1. Yeah, maybe that’s it. Though he also looks slightly inebriated, too.

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  2. My take on those who seek Internet fame is that anyone much past the age of twenty-one who aspires to such a thing is not quite properly balanced.

    According to the available stats on weight loss surgery, the average patient maintains 50% of total weight lost in bariatric procedures. My cohort had a guest lecturer who showed us all sorts of evidence that those figures are on the high and are promoted and propagated by those who benefit financially from individuals having the procedures. The physician who lectured to us said that a particular procedure -- RYGB -- is promoted as having greater success with long-term weight loss, but that the statistics are skewed because the procedure is newer and doesn't have as much long-term data, and, consequently, less time for patients to have regained all the lost weight. If a person's life expectancy or quality of life is greatly diminished by morbid obesity, there's probably little to lose in having the surgery. If someone cannot leave his or her home without enlarging a doorway, the procedure is most definitely medically indicated. In a whole lot of other cases, the candidate needs to consider whether or not it is worth incurring the risk from the procedure and from the related anesthesia (taking into consideration that morbidly obese patients are at far greater-than-average risk for incurring complications of general anesthesia) for one or two years of MAYBE being close to their desired weight if they possess even the short-term powers of self-denial required for major weight loss, then gaining AT LEAST half of the lost weight back over the course of five years. (It doesn't HAVE to happen that way, obviously, but such is typical.)

    The woman who lectured to us said that in her experience, the successful long-term cases were those who were borderline in terms of being overweight enough to qualify for the procedures -- in some cases who had to gain a bit to qualify or who actually cheated (weights concealed under clothing, etc.) to qualify.

    Regardless, I'm glad the procedures exist and am comfortable with it being entirely a matter of personal choice. I don't think insurance should cover repeat procedures after weight has been regained because we all ultimately pay those costs, but then, the same can be said of many maladies that occur as a result of vices or excesses.

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    1. I have known people who have had the surgery and done very well. And I have know a few who were not successful. As for the woman in the above story, I don’t know.

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