Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Scared of the police...

Yesterday, I shared a video featuring Ayanna Cruver, an attractive black woman from Louisiana who was stopped by the police because she was driving under the speed limit.  The white cop who stopped her asked her to get out of the car.  She was terrified because she didn't know what she'd done wrong.  And our world is in such a place right now that many people are feeling very tense about race relations.


The police officer, to his credit, was kind and empathetic.  When the woman realized he wasn't going to arrest her or kill her, she broke down into tears.  The cop was very understanding.  I would hope that would help her be less terrified in the future, but I'm not even sure her positive experience will assuage her fears.  Because it seems like every day, there's a new story about police brutality or someone being hurt or killed by a police officer, especially people of color.

We live in a world where we get news 24/7, so people are more fearful than perhaps they should be.  On the other hand, there have been people who legitimately ran into problems with the police and it didn't end well for them.  I can totally understand why Ms. Cruver was so scared.  I would be scared too, but probably not as much as she was, simply because of the racial tensions in our society.  I have no idea what it's like to be in that situation, nor do I know about anything that has happened in her past that would cause her to react the way she did.

I watched the video and genuinely felt sad for Ms. Cruver.  I was responding to her very palpable fear.  I had empathy for her situation.  Naturally, it turned into a debate.  A friend of mine who is a police officer blamed the media for this woman's terror.  He feels attacked for being a cop.  Well, hell, I know police officers have a difficult job and they put their lives on the line every day.  But that does not negate this woman's legitimate fears.  She wasn't faking.  She had a good reason for being as terrified as she was.

I'm already feeling pretty edgy lately because our landlady seems to think I'm an idiot and talks to me like I'm a child.  I feel helpless and depressed and I'm at a point at which I'm about ready to say "fuck it" and go back to the States.  Then my friends tell me I have reading comprehension problems because I interpret something differently than they do.  I'm feeling less tolerant than usual of people who insist that I'm wrong because I disagree with them.

I don't always want to debate with people.  I don't mind discussions, but sometimes I simply want to react without having to defend myself.

I haven't been feeling very well lately, either.  I keep having coughing fits that lead to throwing up.  Or, sometimes in the morning, I vomit simply because I'm queasy.  My eyes are bloodshot, probably due to throwing up and allergens in the air.  I probably should see a doctor about this... but frankly, I'm feeling too depressed and hopeless about life.  I wonder what the point of it is.

Sorry... this post is a downer and I probably have no right to be down.  I am feeling crappy, though.  Poor Bill has to hear about it, except next week he's going on a business trip.  I'm sure I'll get through it, like I always do.

2 comments:

  1. I have no clue as to what it's like to live in today's U.S. as a person of color. i can only feel compassion for the lady in the video.

    It's next to impossible to have a positive outlook when you're feeling really rotten. I hope you're better soon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. It would be a big help if I could get rid of these very bloodshot eyes. I look awful. I hate wearing my glasses, too.

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