Thursday, July 27, 2017

A less polite version of "Get offa my lawn!"

Yesterday was an interesting day.  In the wake of my online acquaintances' deaths and the unseasonably cold weather, I watched as a helicopter landed in the field behind our house.  It was a medical helicopter.  I don't know that it was a "life flight" per se.  Bill says it was too small to be used to transport a patient.  Instead, I think it might have been delivering the doctor.  Here in Germany, if you call for emergency medical help in the way of an ambulance, you'll also get a doctor.

I don't think the guy by the helicopter was specifically giving me the stinkeye.  I was in my house.  There were other people approaching the chopper from the ground.

Anyway, that was kind of exciting to see.  I didn't hang out to see if they brought a patient.  I figure whomever it was deserved privacy.  I just thought the helicopter was cool.  

Bill then prepared a nice dinner of duck, green beans, and mashed potatoes, washed down with a lovely syrah from South Africa.  Just as I was about to tuck in to dinner, a couple of pre-teen kids (maybe aged 12 or 13) were walking past our yard.  As they always do, our dogs went ape shit and started barking like crazy.  It always annoys me when the dogs do that, but on the plus side, I never have to worry about missing the doorbell.  At least they've stopped barking at the landlords.

Anyway, these two kids, like just about everyone else who passes our yard and gets our dogs barking, just stood there and gawked.  I usually just sit quietly and stew while these people linger and stare through our windows and watch my dogs going nuts.  Last night, I was already a little frazzled, since I had just gotten them to calm down after our neighbor rang our doorbell wanting to know if we were missing any Tupperware.  I was also hungry, wearing my nightie, and just wanting peace and quiet.

Next thing I knew, I blurted out, "Fuck off!" and shook my fist at them.  The kids must have heard it, because one of them started laughing and walked away.

I swear, Germany must be rubbing off on me.  I'm starting to become like those cranky folks who don't hesitate to yell at strangers doing something that is verboten.  That is a very common thing in Germany.  It's happened to most people, especially clueless Americans who don't know they're doing something "wrong".  I don't understand enough German to know if people swear at me, but they're usually so worked up and the language sounds so guttural that they might as well be.  

Naturally, spontaneously swearing at the two boys made me laugh, and I spent the next couple of hours cracking up over the scenario that kept replaying in my head.  The laughing made me start coughing uncontrollably, since I'm still not over the cough that came with my recent cold.  I have a really offbeat sense of humor and enjoy profanity.  Also, it reminded me of an incident from the summer of 1993.

In 1993, I was 21 years old and working at a church camp.  On Saturdays, I'd go visit my aunt and uncle at their home a few hours from camp.  I had a shitty Nissan small pickup truck my dad let me borrow.  It was ugly as hell, but got great pick up and was pretty reliable.  Anyway, my cousin was in the truck with me one day and we passed a construction site near her house.  I must have been driving too fast because one of the highway workers yelled, "Slow down!" at me.

Although I generally don't make it a practice to speed, especially nowadays, I do have a hair trigger temper sometimes that makes me blurt things out.  I try not to yell out swear words, but sometimes I fail.  Before I knew it, I'd yelled back "Fuck off!" at the guy.  And then my cousin and I laughed our asses off.

Twenty-four years later, that story still comes up at family reunions.  Not that I want to go to any anytime soon, since I now live thousands of miles away from my family and most of them annoy me with their blind Trump support.  Seriously, right now, one of my many cousins is posting on Facebook about why Trump is right to ban transgendered people from the military.  He says it's because the military is a "killing machine".  Jeez.

When I laugh, I sound kind of like Spongebob...  It drove my dad crazy.  He probably wanted to tell me to fuck off.


  1. There are times when "Fuck off!' is an appropriate salutation. The only improvement I can really think of is maybe a raised middle finger in place of the fist, but fists are nice gestures as well.

    1. I really didn't think about it before I did it. I was simply reacting from being annoyed and frazzled, as well as a bit hangry.


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