Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Ode to Ms. Kittie...

Several years ago, when Bill and I still lived in North Carolina, I regularly watched a true crime show on the Oxygen network.  The show was called Snapped and it profiled women who "lost it" and killed people.  One episode that really affected me on a personal level was one about Jessica McCord, an Alabama woman who murdered her ex husband and his second wife because they dared to fight for and actually won custody of Ms. McCord's two eldest daughters.

Unlike Allen and Terra Bates, my husband did not choose to fight for custody of his daughters.  He had several good reasons for not fighting.  The main reason was that he could not afford either the time or the money to do it.  If he had launched a legal battle at the time when he would have had the best chance at a positive outcome, he would have ended up destitute.  His chances of actually winning the battle were next to nil in any case.  In 2012, when I was watching Snapped and hearing about Jessica McCord, I was haunted by the show.  Jessica McCord reminds me very much of my husband's ex wife.  So I decided to blog about it.

I had no idea that post would attract as much vitriol as it did.  I got several outraged comments, mostly from women who felt my husband was a horrible excuse for a human being because he didn't battle his ex for custody of his daughters.  For the record, my opinion was that he really should have fought harder for them.  Or, at least that's how I felt in the beginning.  But it wasn't my decision to make and, as time wore on, I saw what kind of people we were dealing with and eventually changed my mind.

One of the people who commented on my post about Jessica McCord is someone calling herself "Ms. Kittie".  Ms. Kittie professed to be an "academic" and proceeded to malign my husband's and my character in the comments section.  She left nasty, arrogant, and extremely judgmental remarks about our situation.  When I protested, she brought up her "academic credentials", which I apparently should have respected, even though we had never met and she did not make it possible for me to verify her so-called expertise.  I remember I was so irritated by her lack of empathy that I turned off comments for that post and hid the existing ones.

I had pretty much forgotten about Ms. Kittie until this morning, when I was looking at Facebook's On This Day feature.  I swear, that thing gets me into a lot of trouble!  Sometimes it takes away the gift of erasing bad memories.  This morning I read a post I wrote about a dream Bill had a few years ago.  Ms. Kittie commented on that post, too, and left a really bitchy, unwelcome, clueless remark.  At that point, I'd had enough of her and told her in no uncertain terms that she was not to comment on my blog again.  And I also told her to fuck off.

It's funny what happens after a few years have passed.  Today, after reminding myself of that drama, I decided to reveal the comments on the Jessica McCord post, although I still don't allow new ones to be posted.  I reread as much of Ms. Kittie's comments as I could stand to.  Even if what she was writing had some merit, her tone was so obnoxious and all knowing that little of her message got through to me.  It's hard to believe that someone who is a true "academic", as she claims to be, would have written something so totally offensive and insulting.  If you're an academic, I would expect you to be a skilled communicator.  Skilled communicators know that they get nowhere when they alienate their audience so much that they stop listening.  You can't get your point across if you're such an insufferable twatbag that no one wants to listen to you.

Anyway... today, I reread Ms. Kittie's comments and am left inspired to sing her a song...  Apologies to The Pogues, Shane MacGowan, Kirsty MacColl, and Christy Moore, all of whom have sung this song properly.  And apologies to my readers with delicate sensibilities.  You shouldn't read these lyrics if you don't like filthy language.

Fairytale of Ms. Kittie (sung to the tune of "Fairytale of New York")

One night in late May
On my personal blog
An old hag wrote to me
"You're a terrible person."
And how she rants that day
Says she's a paragon
I turned my nose up
And slowly typed away

Gosh, I'm a lucky one
To have her opine on...
She had a feeling
And felt right commenting
So, fuck off Ms. Kittie...
You have no earthly clue
Go to your schoolbooks
Where dumb theories come true

You've a head full of shit
And a temperament to match
Your hot air cuts through me
And it smells like your snatch
When you first commented
On that warm May's eve
You promised you knew
And I'd better believe...

"You're insulting! You're petty!
So fuck off, Ms. Kittie!"
Your comments are snarky
And stupid to boot!
Ms. Kittie was writing
And knotty was fighting
Only hoping Ms. Kittie
Would catch a damn clue!

And the readers of my blog
Were hanging 'round to see
proof of Ms. Kittie's wisdom
On that May eve.

"You're a bitch, you're a jerkoff"
"You shitty old arschloch!
Posting like you're brain dead
Trying to show us your cred!
"You dipshit, you're so dumb!
You clueless old cumdump!
Kindly fuck off today!
Oh my God! Go away!

And the readers of my blog
Were hanging 'round to see
proof of Ms. Kittie's wisdom
On that May eve.

Bragging about your brain
Just makes you look insane...
You look like an asshole
When you post like one.
Your credibility's shot.
Cause you're a massive twat!
I hope you're all alone.
You stupid, cunty crone...

And the readers of my blog
Were hanging 'round to see
proof of Ms. Kittie's wisdom
on that May eve.

So far, this song only has one view.  :D

This is Christy Moore, whose version of "Fairytale of New York" I prefer to the one done by Shane MacGowan and Kirsty MacColl.


  1. I've never heard the original version of the song but I do like your version.

    1. I recommend Christy Moore's version. It's on his 1994 live album, Live At The Point. I was introduced to his music by a friend from Belfast and he is amazing.


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