Monday, April 10, 2017

Coffee will send you straight to Hell...

This is a video from General Conference ten years ago.

Poor Julie Beck... she's about to cry over coffee drinking.

Someone shared this video on Facebook last night and I feel compelled to write about it.  As a nevermo, this very emotional video strikes me as simply being very strange at the very least.  Those of us who enjoy our morning cup of coffee can't imagine how it might keep us from crossing the Pearly Gates after our deaths.

I have a feeling Mrs. Beck's talk was less about the evils of drinking coffee and more about the dangers of not being obedient.  And so, lots of people who believe in Mormonism don't drink coffee, not because they don't like it, but because some old white guys in Salt Lake City told them not to do it.  And women like Julie Beck get up and talk about how awful and sinful coffee is to masses of people who believe in such horse shit.  Drink coffee and you're going straight to hell because that's the gateway drug to disobedience!  Talk about cult indoctrination!

Speaking of cults... I'm beginning to think Facebook is one.  The other day, someone on my friends list reported via another person that he was in "Facebook jail".  They gave him a 30 day block because some people had reported things he posted.  He said the claims were bogus.  It was probably Mormons who did it, because this is the same guy who secretly posted the entire endowment ceremony on YouTube and opened the world's eyes to how culty and weird it is.

I have never been in Facebook jail myself, although I did get a nastygram a couple of weeks ago for some post I allegedly shared that had nudity in it.  For the record, I didn't share anything with nudity in it and wrote to Facebook letting them know.  Not even an hour later, they wrote back and said all was fine and I wasn't guilty of pissing them off.

As I was reading about this guy's stint in Facebook jail, which basically means he can't post for 30 days, I told Bill that if that ever happened to me, I'd just delete my account.  And this is where the whole idea that Facebook is really a cult comes into play.  You see, I have a fake account that I made a few years ago.  I only used it during a time when I was heavily addicted to Zynga games and not using my Gmail very much.

I don't think I've logged into the fake account for years, but Facebook hasn't forgotten me.  Every week, I get emails telling me about messages waiting for my acknowledgement and things that have happened on Facebook since I last logged in.  I get emails apologizing that I've had "trouble" logging in and offering help to get me back into the swing of things.  I get emails about how much fun I'm missing by not using that dormant account, which I created solely for gaming.  Little do they know that I'm on Facebook way too much as it is.  Maybe I could use a Facebook jail stint, although that would probably cut down on things I have to blog about.  On the other hand, I'd probably write more book reviews.

Resistance is futile, right?  You will be assimilated.

I have a feeling that if I got Facebook jail and decided to delete my account, I'd get emails inviting me back into the fold.

Come on back.  We forgive you.  You needed discipline, but all is forgiven now.    

It wouldn't be unlike an episode of 7th Heaven I watched the other day, whereupon RevCam tried to lay down the law with his teenaged boarder, Martin Brewer.  He tried to give the lad the "My house, my rules" speech.  And Martin's response was that he felt it was time he became an emancipated minor.  He was wanting to move out of RevCam's house that very night.  I have to admit, it was kind of fun watching RevCam's head spin on that one.  Even though it was just a stupid TV show, I love watching people who try to lord over other people get the smackdown.  Especially sanctimonious prick characters like Eric Camden.

Edited to add...  watching the last few seasons is really painful.  The writers got so lazy.  Every single character says lines like,

"And you are..."

"And that would be..."

"And we're talking about this because..."

Or they say lines like this...

"Until and unless you are comfortable."

"If you loved me, really loved me, you wouldn't act like that."

It's as if the writers just gave everyone the same speech patterns.  Like, everyone is going to use that snarky "And we know this because..." lead in inviting a response from someone else.  People don't talk like that in real life.  Maybe one or two people do, but not an entire community.  And the writers had everyone in Glenoak talking like that, as if they were all drinking the same water causing them to be Stepford like and culty.

Anyway, it's a beautiful Monday morning in April and I'm just about done with my second cup of coffee.  Time to get dressed and walk the dogs.... and watch more 7th Heaven and hang out on Facebook.  I really am a loser.

Alexis... you are wise to avoid Facebook.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. P.S. I will delete this after you read it. I knwo about this from a family source.

  3. White shirts and ties, and hair brushed to perfection, are far more important than encouraging your minor children who are actively doing the humpty dance to use protection. We knew that. And by all means, stay away from that vile substance, cofee, lest you doom your posterity for at least five generations.

    What was going through Joseph's mind when he added the "coffee" part into that revelation that was only meant to appease Emma in the first place?

  4. Replies
    1. The cynical side thinks it had to do with money. ;)


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