Saturday, April 8, 2017

Bowling with shitheads...

As Bill and I were enjoying lunch today, Bill was suddenly reminded of an embarrassing dinner date we had with one of my sisters around 2006 or 2007.  She was being especially high maintenance that night, as she didn't like the first table we were shown to, then talked so much that her food got cold.  She then tried to blame her cold food on the wait staff.  The poor lass who waited on us offered to heat up my sister's steak, but my sister simply handed her the plate and abruptly said, "Can you just take this?  Thanks."

Bill and I are not very high maintenance people, so we were both embarrassed and puzzled by this spectacle.  And, just like any couple who is close and has been married awhile, that incident reminded us of yet another incident from our past.  It happened back in 2003, when we were much poorer than we are now and living in a horrible apartment.

My car had just been broken into, so I no longer felt safe in the apartment.  We decided we didn't want to live there anymore.  In fact, even though we were broke, we decided we wanted to think about buying a house.  To be honest, it's a blessing we didn't go through with that plan.  It would have been a disaster.  But anyway, Bill mentioned that we might be in the market for a house to one of his co-workers, a guy whose wife happened to be a realtor.  He offered to get her in touch with us so we could talk about buying a home.

Bill's co-worker had seemed like a nice enough guy when he was at work.  He was very clean cut and polished looking, a dude who had become an officer after having been enlisted.  He was still fairly young, though, and in great physical shape.  We didn't know his wife.  Little did we realize that she was a toxic ingredient to any group.

The co-worker's wife, we'll call her Mandy, had invited us out to dinner at the Macaroni Grill, to be followed by bowling.  I don't remember exactly what happened besides DC traffic to make us late... I want to say we were waylaid by Mormon missionaries.  The upshot was, we ended up being rather late to the dinner date.  That got things off to a weird start, especially as we told them about running into the missionaries, which led to an explanation of Bill's experiences with the LDS church.  Then, someone brought up politics, which always gets things going in an exciting direction, right?  Especially since Mandy and I had completely opposite political views.

Macaroni Grill, at least circa 2003, had a huge menu.  I was having trouble deciding what to order.  Mandy made a couple of snarky cracks and even suggested that I close my eyes and point to something.  Then, as we were eating, we told her about our plans to look for alternative housing and kind of what we were looking for.  She told us we'd end up having to buy a condo or a townhouse, which I knew I didn't want.  She was adamant that was what we'd get, which immediately set me off.

As dinner wore on, Mandy became more pushy and obnoxious.  And then, just as we were about to pay the check, two other folks showed up.  They were friends of Mandy's and her husband's and we were not told ahead of time they were going to be joining us for bowling.

This was a little weird for Bill and me, since it seemed kind of like Mandy and her husband had invited their friends in case we turned out to be boring or something.  But we were game and not wanting to make a fuss, so we went to the bowling alley, where Mandy proceeded to show everyone her competitive spirit to a ridiculous degree.  She made several cracks that were bordering on rude, especially since I tend to bowl better the more beer I drink.  At one point, my husband's ex wife came up in conversation and Mandy made some comment that basically implied that I was a homewrecker.  I was pretty shocked, especially since earlier in the evening, we had been talking about her helping us find a house to buy.

And then, Mandy's husband, Bill's co-worker, who had suddenly turned as obnoxious and annoying as his wife was, just fucking made our night.  As I was about to say the word "shit", he butted in and said, "schtuff" for me.  I know I gave him a look that should have killed him.  I can't stand people who do that kind of shit, especially to other adults.  Dude, if I want to cuss, let me cuss... jackass.

Much to our surprise, we actually liked the couple's friends-- the ones we hadn't known were coming-- much more than we liked Mandy and her man.  They were very pleasant and actually fun to talk to, while Mandy and her husband were just over the top irritating.  I felt pretty certain we wouldn't be doing business with her as Bill and I got into our car.  As we sat there, taking in the surreal events of the evening, We looked at each other and said, "What the fuck just happened?"

I thought it was funny that today, as Bill was talking about having dinner with my sister and her bizarrely inappropriate behavior in a taproom, we were both reminded of that disastrous meeting with a real estate agent.  I must admit, since that one meeting with Mandy, most of my interactions with real estate agents haven't been very pleasant.  With a few exceptions, I generally find them to be pushy, obnoxious, and inconsiderate... but that's probably because they're usually invading my home as I'm trying to pack up and move.

Maybe this is why I have yet to own my own home at age 44.


  1. "Bowling with Shitheads" sounds like a reality TV show.

    It's so awkard when someone in one's party is high maintenance or rude to the wait staff.

    1. My sister was herself a waitress for years. But she's also a temperamental artist. As for the real estate bitch, I see she's still living in NoVA and selling houses. She gets high ratings. Maybe it's just me thinking she was an asshole. But then, Bill felt the same way I did about that odd evening.


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