Thursday, April 20, 2017

A post Easter crucifixion...

Relax... this post isn't about a literal crucifixion.  It's more of a rant about people who climb up on the holy cross of guiltmongering and spread their miserable suffering to everyone in their sphere.

I have ranted about this subject in the past, but it's been awhile since my last plea for my in-laws to get down off the cross and act like adults.  So I'm going to do it today.  No, they probably won't read this, but it'll make me feel better to write this... and it's nothing I would not tell them in person.

This morning, Bill got a guilt laden email from his father's wife.  She does this occasionally.  She'll send a text or an email or post something on Facebook.  Usually, she claims these messages are from his dad, but I would imagine they also come from her.  I don't know why Bill's dad, who is perfectly capable of sending an email, doesn't communicate directly.  Maybe he's just a big wuss.  And really, if he's afraid to talk to his son, who is truly one of the most gentle, decent, kind people I have ever met, he is a wuss of epic proportions.

Anyway... within the email, Bill's stepmother quoted his dad as saying, "When I die, don't tell Bill."

I'm sure there was more to the message than that, but really, I think that's more than enough.  Maybe if this had been the first time she'd sent something like this, I might be shocked by it.  But it's happened so many times over the years that now it just really annoys me.  Bill is a lot more diplomatic than I am when he gets this stuff, although he has come a long way in not responding to manipulative guilt tactics.  But anyway, I naturally had a response that I think was pretty good, although it probably would piss off SMIL.

Shitty guilt trip from SMIL-  "When I die, don't tell Bill..."

My response- You are within your rights not to tell me when my dad dies.  I would hope you would tell me, though, because that is the decent thing to do.  You're not exactly on the moral high ground when you resort to emotionally manipulative tactics to get my attention.  If you want me to pay attention to you and treat you with respect, act respectable.

If Dad has something to say to me, he should speak to me directly like an adult.  If either of you have a request or a need, you should make a clear and respectful request, like an adult does.  

Communication is a two way street.  I will not respond to manipulative tactics anymore.  The next time you send me one of these messages, I will delete it and you will not hear from me at all.  Do I make myself clear?

Of course, this would not go over well, since my husband's stepmother seems to think she is worthy of nothing but deference.  I would imagine if she responded, it would be full of even more guilt, whining, and shaming.  At which point, if I chose to respond, I might simply say "Grow up."

Fortunately for SMIL, Bill is the one who communicates with her.  I'm sure that if I started sending responses instead of Bill, SMIL would be furious.  She would want HIM to respond.  And yet, she doesn't see that Bill would like his dad to communicate with him directly instead of having his wife send emails and texts.  In her mind, this is none of my business.  She doesn't see that it's not really her business, either.  SMIL and I can claim about the same amount of business meddling in our husbands' father-son relationship, which is only about us inasmuch as their mutual angst affects us because we live with them.

My husband's mom has no problems staying in touch with us.  She's on Facebook and makes herself available for Skype calls.  She and Bill use their web cameras, so they can even see each other.  If that doesn't work, they send email.  I adore my husband's mother.  She is a wonderful lady who is kind, mature, and respectful.  She doesn't resort to bullshit manipulation tactics.  And, because she is empathetic and loving in her communications, she hears from Bill very regularly.  Bill's father and stepmother could take a lesson from Bill's mom.  Instead, they wallow in pity and do things that do not inspire him to want to talk to them.

As if we don't already have enough shit to deal with right now...  Christ almighty!

I dedicate this song to my miserable in-laws...


  1. I would guess she's being mean-soirited and derives pleasure from stirring up trouble. She's probably inventing the info herself, but in any event, she certainly seems to relish being the bearer of nasty news. the sad thing is that whether his dad said that or not, if she outlives Bill's dad, she can decided not to tell Bill and put the blme on his dad.

    1. I will be writing more about this in a bit.


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