Friday, November 18, 2016

Just when I thought it was safe...

So tomorrow, we're headed back to Dublin for a night before we go back to Germany.  I will face my dogs and my never ending housework, along with Christmas decorations and everything else that goes with my existence.  We've had a pretty good vacation, but as it happens whenever I venture to this part of the world, something kind of bad happened tonight.

We were about to head to the pub next door when Bill checked his Facebook.  He suddenly got this stricken look on his face.  It was serious enough that I was wondering if there had been some kind of terrible accident or our country was under terrorist attack again.  I asked him what was wrong, because I was worried maybe he'd gotten a bad email about one of the dogs or a family member had died.  He didn't want to tell me what was wrong.  I probably should have listened to him.  But I was thinking of the dogs and my worry about Zane all week, so I pressed.

He came over and showed me his Facebook feed.  There, under the "people you may know" section, was a picture of his long lost ex daughter, Catherine.  She's apparently married now, and uses her stepfather's name and her husband's.  Bill looked absolutely gutted, seeing a picture of her in her white dress and veil.  Naturally, because Catherine is Mormon and Bill no longer is, he probably wouldn't have been able to attend her wedding even if they were still speaking.  But because Bill's ex prompted the kids to kick him out of their lives, he's reduced to seeing them as "people you may know" on Facebook.

I was extremely exasperated when I saw Bill's horror and realized it was just stupid Catherine and not a death in the family.  To me, it was yet another intrusion by my husband's ex wife and the two horrible shits he spawned with her.  I noticed that Catherine shares a friend with Bill... likely, it's Bill's stepmother, who got pissed off at me a few years ago when I blocked her on Facebook because of a similar situation that arose over Christmas in 2012.  Bill called his father to wish him a Merry Christmas and got to hear about Catherine, who wanted to reconnect with Bill's dad but didn't want to hear anything about the man who used to change her shitty diapers and took care of her throughout her childhood.

I got angry because we were having a perfectly nice Christmas and Bill had called his dad to wish him a good holiday.  Instead, he got an earful about his ex daughter, which made him cry.  Bill then came inside and cried in front of his mom and me.  We had plans to have a Christmas dinner with my sister, which was a pretty stressful endeavor in and of itself.  Here Bill was, crying after talking to his father on Christmas Day, when all he wanted to do was spread holiday cheer.

I decided to block Bill's stepmother on Facebook because I knew she couldn't be trusted to let us be no contact with these toxic people.  She got really pissed at me, but so be it.  I now see that I was absolutely right to block her.

Bill, on the other hand, is still Facebook friends with his stepmother.  I suspect she is the one who is connected with the ex kid.  And because they are connected and ex kid, for whatever reason, hasn't blocked Bill, she shows up as a person Bill should know on Facebook.  Yeah, he knows her.  She has half his DNA, but can't be arsed to so much as say "kiss my ass" to Bill.  She's not fit to clean the shit stains out of Bill's shorts.

Here we are, celebrating an anniversary,  and that fucking creep shows up again uninvited.  She doesn't regard Bill as anything, but likely kept him unblocked so she can keep tabs on him.  She probably hopes we'll split up so she can exploit Bill the way her brother and mother have repeatedly.

Well... anyway... I've pretty much had enough of the intrusions.  I told Bill, yet again, that I don't want to hear any more about those kids.  I don't want them intruding anymore.  I'm not going to tell him what he should or shouldn't do, nor am I going to police his Facebook account.  But I truly want to be no contact now.  I don't want to know about marriages and childbirths or anything else.  The ex kids will never be welcome in my presence.  They are strangers to me and I want them to stay that way.

I don't care that ex kid is married.  I feel sorry for her husband and any future children she has, but the fact that she got married isn't a problem for me.  I simply don't want to hear about it.  I had finally gotten to a place of peace and tranquility and she popped up again, much like the mast cell tumors that have been popping up on my dogs.  And they have a nasty habit of popping up on holidays and during vacations.

I think if you disown your family, you should own that decision and go the fuck away permanently.  She disowned Bill.  So did her sister.  So I have nothing to say to them that would be suitable for print.  Ex kid #1 stays out of my life, but #2 keeps coming back into my consciousness, like a persistent rash.

I seriously asked Bill tonight if maybe we shouldn't be together.  Because I don't want to go through the rest of my life having to deal with this kind of shit.  They think they're victims, but they have no fucking idea what they and their mother put Bill (and me by proxy) through.  Bill still bears the scars and I have been here the whole time witnessing it.  No one cares, because I'm just his wife.  But I'm also a person who's goddamn sick and tired of toxic people.  And yet, I know I'm doomed to keep running into these assholes at the worst possible times...  So far, I have said and done nothing other than write the odd blog post about them.  Every time I see them pop up, I feel a strong urge to lash out.  I don't, though, because they don't deserve that much from me.

I realize this rant may seem over the top.  If you haven't been following this story, I can see why it might appear to be that way.  The truth is, I really wanted us all to have a decent relationship, but my husband's ex wife made that impossible.  She turned the kids into alienated zombies.  It's taken a very long time to process some of the shit we've been through, which sadly includes sexual assault perpetrated by Bill's former wife toward Bill.  Naturally, I get very upset when the wound is reopened.

Any rude or abusive comments on this post will be deleted and the comments section will be closed.  I'm in no mood for people who know nothing about this situation to spout off inappropriately.

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