Monday, November 21, 2016

Facing the music...

We're back in Germany now.  The house has no heat for some reason.  I'm not sure what the problem is, but it's a real bummer not to have heat.  Fortunately, it's not that cold right now, though our house is chilly today.

When we picked up Zane and Arran, Max the dog sitter told us that Zane didn't seem his usual chipper self.  Naturally, I started thinking about things that could be going wrong. I had forgotten that he's been taking Benadryl because of his mast cell disease diagnosis.  Benadryl always zonks me out and it's possible that's what happened with Zane, too.  I took him and Arran for a walk today and they were both happy to go out.

I'm still worried sick about Zane, even though he lavished me with beagle kisses last night and slept well.  I'm afraid he's going to get sick soon.  I don't think anyone's ever ready for that to happen to a beloved pet, but I really don't feel ready for Zane to be ill.  It seems like yesterday that we lost our sweet MacGregor.  On the positive side, although Zane took awhile to eat his breakfast today, he was delighted to take a walk.  He had plenty of energy.

My irritation about Catherine has mostly passed.  Bill and I talked for a long time.  He said it was helpful to read the second part of my rant yesterday because it put things in perspective for him.  He had a relationship with his daughters and knew them as people before all of this shit happened.  I didn't have that benefit.  The first thing I remember about Catherine is seeing her slap my husband across the face for having beer in the fridge.  The second thing is seeing Bill's face when he got a short, hateful letter from her demanding that he give her up for adoption.  Then I realize that I couldn't have kids with him and allow him to be the dad I know he would have been had he been given the opportunity.  Yes, I am pissed about that.

But... you know, Bill and I have a great life.  Despite what happened to his relationship with his ex wife and kids, he has a good relationship with me.  He's no longer totally broke and living on a roller coaster of craziness.  He doesn't have to go to the Mormon church to keep the peace in his family.  He gets to choose his own underwear and drink what he likes.  He has money to spend on trips to Ireland and veterinary treatments for our dogs.  He doesn't have to worry about bankruptcy or foreclosure or coming home to a wife whose behavior is completely crazy.

It came to my attention yesterday that some people who read this blog have dealt with issues very similar to mine and Bill's.  It's good to know that there are people out there who have some empathy for us.  Anyone who is reading this blog should know that there are a lot of guys in situations like Bill's because there are a lot of crazy, vindictive, shitty women out there in the world who use their position as "mother" to use their kids as weapons toward others.

While I know that statistically speaking, women are more likely to be abused by men, abuse by women certainly does happen.  Sometimes women even go as far as sexually abusing men.  I know this because it happened to Bill.  He only recently admitted it to me, after he saw a doctor who noticed scar tissue.  Out of respect for Bill, I won't go into details about what happened.  I will only say that the abuse perpetrated by his ex wife wasn't just mental, emotional, and physical.  She sexually assaulted him as well.

I'm always afraid to write about our experiences because there's always the risk I'll get some comments from an angry child of divorce or ex wife who feels like I have no right to complain about what happened.  Too many people seem to believe that fathers have no rights or feelings.  I've seen so many people express the attitude that if a marriage falls apart, the father ought to be out in the cold and/or replaced.  So many people also seem quick to believe that the male is the sole reason the marriage fell apart.

Anyway... I don't want to dwell too much on this because it's a waste of time and energy.  I have enough things to be upset about other than seeing Bill's former daughter listed as a "person he may know" on Facebook.  It sucks, though.  Like I said before.  If you hate your father enough to formally disown him, you probably ought to block him on Facebook, right?

Well... hopefully, the heat will get fixed today so I can at least take a shower without freezing.


  1. Good luck on the heating situation.

    My heart goes out to the Lt. Col.


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