Wednesday, October 12, 2016

October 12 is dentist's day... and I am stuck in 1982

At least for me it is.  I have plans to visit the dentist today for a cleaning.  I went last year on this day, too.  And I also had my crown replaced on this day in 2011.  That's three times in five years I've gone to the dentist on October 12th.  I can't even blame it on Columbus Day.  I mean, last year I went on Columbus Day because it was more convenient for Bill, who is also getting his cleaning.  But the other times, I didn't go on Columbus Day.

Now that I have a dental implant, my teeth problems have seemed to abate somewhat.  Now I can worry about all the other things that can go wrong with my body.  In fact, this morning, I was reminded of how I made a doctor laugh back in 2010, which was the last time I visited a physician.  I thought I might have gallstones.  In fact, I still think I probably have gallstones.  Sometimes I get intense pain in the center of my chest, just below the breastbone.  It hurts like a motherfucker, then fades away.

Bill got worried, so he made an appointment for me at Fort McPherson, which was still operating with a skeleton crew at the time.  I went in to see the doctor and explained my concerns.  I added that I sort of fit the profile-- four F.  That is, female, fertile, fat, and forty (although at the time, I was actually 38).  She laughed because she'd never heard 4 F before.  I went and had an ultrasound at probably the nicest hospital I've ever seen.  Bear in mind, though, that I grew up with military healthcare and went to military hospitals for most of my life.

They did the ultrasound.  I swear, it was like a spa experience.  They turned down the lights and used a warm gel.  It was almost relaxing.  The ultrasound turned nothing up.  I had a blood test, which came back normal.  I ultimately didn't need to have my gallbladder removed, although I do occasionally get those painful attacks.  They don't seem to happen as often lately, though.

I see that Piedmont Fayette Hospital gets low ratings on Google, though it gets great ratings on Yelp!.  I'm here to tell you that I was very impressed with that hospital.  But again, remember that I'm used to being treated like a slab of meat by military docs (which is why I never visit doctors anymore).  I suppose I probably should go to a doctor at some point.

I probably should have my blood pressure checked, since my mom and grandmother both have had high blood pressure.  Last time I saw the eye doc in 2014, she asked if I had hypertension.  No doctor has ever told me I do, though I was diagnosed with white coat hypertension in 2007.  The PA who tested me for white coat hypertension was convinced I have high blood pressure until the 24 hour monitor proved I didn't.

Why is it that I'm so good about getting my teeth cleaned?  Simple.  The dentist doesn't weigh me or lecture me about anything other than cavities, which I rarely get anymore.  I am also really neurotic and vain about my teeth.  I can't bear the idea of having a yucky smile or bad breath.  I also don't like pain.

I have heard mixed reviews of German healthcare.  Some people like it because it's very holistic.  Other people don't like it because a lot German doctors expect people to be stoic and tolerate pain without relief.  At this point, I have no direct experience with the German healthcare system except for having my dental implant.  And, I must say, my dentist and his lab did fantastic work.  My fake tooth looks and feels just like a real one.  It's amazing.

I do need to visit the eye doctor because I think my prescription may be changing.  At 44, I'm getting to the point at which I will probably need bifocals soon.  But Bill also needs to go, so I suppose we'll go together.

Sorry... I know it's very interesting when I write about my health.  I'll move on to the next topic which, in my tiny little mind, is CHiPs.  I've been watching the dreadful sixth season.  I mean, honest to God... it's just horrible!  Larry Wilcox left the show, so they brought in a new partner for Ponch named Bobby "Hot Dog" something or other.  He's actually pretty cute, except they bleached his hair, probably so he'd look more like Larry Wilcox.  That season was just horrible, though.  It was the season they did an episode about aliens, for God's sake.  It starred Kyle Richards, who is now famous for being a "real housewife".  Her sister, Kim, was also in an episode, playing an unlikely model.

I watched an episode yesterday that starred Robbie Rist, you know, Cousin Oliver from The Brady Bunch?  He played Officer Grossman's son, Russell, who is a dork that collects stamps.  He takes Ecstasy before taking a cute blonde out on a catamaran.  Naturally, they have an emergency requiring Ponch and his sidekick to rescue them.

I saw another episode in which Ponch gets engaged.  The woman who played his paramour, then going by the name Beverly Sassoon (she was married to Vidal for 14 years), was engaged to Erik Estrada at the time.  They showed Ponch and his woman cavorting together... Laura Branigan, who later showed up on an episode (which featured Ponch trying to sing), sang a song that was never released.  Then Ponch's woman gets hit by a drunk driver.  It was the dumbest shit ever.

Laura Branigan's episode aired after the one where Ponch has a fiancee...  It didn't take him long to get over that bitch.  Incidentally, Laura Branigan is now dead.

And yet, here I sit watching it every night.  I suppose I could be watching reality TV.  Or, God forbid, I could watch a "quality" movie or TV series.  I seem to be stuck in 1982, though.  It's true.  I woke up this morning with a song by the Alan Parson's Project in my head.  Then, that one left my head and was replaced by one by the Little River Band.  How did I get so damn old?

I suppose I could write about Donald Trump...  I could always write about Trump.  But I just don't have it in me today.  I think I'd prefer to pretend it's still 1982.

Maybe tomorrow, I will write something more thought provoking.  I'm not feeling it today.

1 comment:

  1. Wow... I must have invited fate when I wrote this. My dentist lectured me about something other than cavities.


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