Saturday, May 14, 2016

Upper deckers...

This is going to be kind of a gross post, so if you have a weak stomach, move on...

I recently learned of a nasty prank called an "upper decker".  I had never heard of it before I ran into this guy on Facebook who kept talking about it.  I finally got curious enough to find out what it is.  Urban Dictionary saves the day again!

I must confess that after I looked up the term upper decker, I spent the next few minutes laughing.  I mean, it's a really childish and disgusting thing to do to someone.  It's also funny as hell, as long as you aren't on the receiving end.  I enjoy practical jokes... and this one would be a mother of one to pull off.

I will also confess that after I learned what an upper decker is, I thought about how much fun it would have been to do it at Bill's ex wife's house the year she invited us to have Thanksgiving there.  That's right!  Back in 2004, Ex was going through the motions of trying to appear cooperative in letting Bill see his children.  Bill wanted to have a visit with them without his ex wife's interference.  She refused to cooperate and that was what led him to spend a disastrous Christmas with her in 2004, four years after their divorce.

Before they decided on Christmas, Ex invited us to spend Thanksgiving with her in Arizona.  We lived in Virginia and had very little money because most of Bill's salary was going to support Ex and her brood.

A song by my friend Wilbur...  Given that Ex and Bill divorced in Arkansas, this song really seems to fit...

Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday and I had no desire whatsoever to spend it at Ex's house in Arizona.  I especially didn't want to go there since I knew I'd be drinking Kool-Aid or some other shit.  I mean, most people in Ex's sphere drink figurative Kool-Aid because one has to do that in order to be able to tolerate her. But since she's also a fecund Mormon who's tacky and devoid of refinement, I knew there would be plenty of kids and no wine at the table.  So we probably literally would have had Kool-Aid.  She probably would have served it in plastic goblets or maybe a plastic Flintstone's cup.  She'd fill it up to Dino's eyeballs for me.

Anyway, because we were broke and I didn't want to break bread with Bill's ex wife, we vetoed Thanksgiving in Arizona.  It was probably the smart thing to do.  But, now that I know what an upper decker is, I take special delight in fantasizing about leaving Ex a memento of my presence at her home for a large meal.  

Of course, I'd never do something like that.  First off, it's risky.  Secondly, it's disgusting.  Thirdly, I doubt my body would cooperate.  I usually tend to that sort of business first thing in the morning.  But it's kind of fun to think about it for a minute or two...

I never claimed to be very mature.  

Well, I suppose it's time I got dressed.  It's five hours until party time.

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