My presence has been requested today. A bunch of locals who hang out on Facebook are having lunch and some of them want me to attend. I hate driving, though, so I dread the trip there.
I shouldn't say I hate driving. What I really hate is traffic and feeling pressured. I drive a stick and it's a pain to be in a traffic jam with it because I constantly have to shift gears. I actually learned to drive a car that had a stick shift, but the car I have now is much nicer than my first beater of a car. Consequently, it has special features that are supposed to make driving it easier but end up just confusing me. I hold the clutch pedal too long and hit the gas too hard and my engine ends up smelling like it's going to explode. I probably should have just gotten an automatic. Next time we buy a car, that's probably what I'll do, even though Bill likes the stick and I do too, when I'm not stuck in a fucking traffic jam. But traffic jams are a way of life here in STAUgart.
I feel pressured to attend this lunch. I probably should go, since I always have fun when I haul myself anywhere besides my neighborhood. It would do me some good to get out of the house and see other people. I could use some practice driving in Germany. I can think of a lot of reasons why I should go to this lunch.
And yet, I look outside and it's raining. My morning has literally gotten off to a shitty start, since one of the dogs (likely Arran) peed in the living room. Then, about forty-five minutes after I cleaned up the pee, he took a big dump. I am expecting delivery of a new vacuum cleaner, which I am kind of excited about, since the one I've been using is terrible. I am a horrible housekeeper and probably will still be a bad housekeeper after I get the new vacuum.
I am hoping that when I start using the new machine, what effort I do expend on cleaning will yield better results. I'm also hoping the power button is not on a part of the machine that is accessible to the wall. With the vacuum I've been using, every time I turn a corner, the wall hits the power button and I have to stop what I'm doing and turn the damn thing on again. Also, the HEPA filter blew out of the machine only months after I bought it and the tools randomly fall off, too. So the new vacuum, yet another Dyson (my third or fourth), will hopefully be somewhat better. For what I paid for it, it damn well better be. Unfortunately, here in Germany, delivery drivers don't just leave packages on your doorstep. If I'm not here, they will either not deliver it, which will require me to call and book a delivery, or my neighbors will have to accept on my behalf. Either scenario is a pain in the ass.
And then there's the anxiety I feel about being with other people. Most people would never know it, but I'm more introverted than I seem. I crack jokes, laugh, and converse with people, but I can only take so much before I really want to go home. When I was a freshman in college. I had some friends that literally had to drag me out of my dorm room. Once they did, I hung out with them a lot. I was very comfortable with them and at least a couple of them are still friends today. But it took a long time before I would join the crowd. I think it's because when I was growing up, I was the victim of cruel jokes and now I can't believe people would want to hang out with me. I'm always thinking there will be some kind of punchline.
LOL... This song from Avenue Q really rings true. And the funny thing is, this is the same cast we saw in Stoke a couple of weeks ago! Sadly, they edited out the profanity.
Anyway, although I know there is life outside our house and I should seize the day, I am dreading actually doing it. If I do manage to do it and nothing bad happens, I will likely feel pretty good. However, I still don't feel like getting dressed and going out, even if I know it would be a good thing to do. Bill set me up for success. He put the GPS in the car and gave me some lunch money. When did I turn back into a teenager? Of course, when I was a kid, I was expected to be an adult and function independently.
Well... I'll just sit here and wait for the vacuum cleaner. If it gets here early enough, I'll get dressed and go. If it doesn't, I'll try again another day.
I really should enjoy this car more.
Update: Well, I did it and survived. It was fun. But I was pretty stressed out, especially on the way there.