Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Large Marge...

I am posting this here on my main blog, mostly because I badly need to get it off my chest.  Those who follow me in my Facebook group, Random Bullshit, have already heard of the woman I refer to as "Large Marge".  The nickname is very fitting, even as I feel a little guilty for calling her that.  I am not a fan of fat shaming or shaming in general.  But, this person, a female Floridian, is indeed the type of person who inspires a nickname like Large Marge.

From the moment she got on the bus at the Glasgow Airport until she carried her substantial ass off the ship, Large Marge was promoting the ugly American stereotype like a champion.  I have heard there is one like her in every crowd.  Indeed, she is not the most annoying cruise passenger I have ever met.  But she probably ranks up in the top five.

Large Marge appeared to be well off financially.  She stayed in one of the poshest staterooms on the ship.  Though she was apparently married (I heard her mention a husband), he was not with her.  My guess is that he enjoyed his vacation from his loud mouthed and overbearing wife.  She brought a fit looking companion with her.  They didn't seem to be especially close friends.  I got the impression that the friend had come along to help Large Marge with her bags.  Large Marge walked with a limp and needed a cane.  Consequently, anytime there was an excursion that involved walking, Large Marge stayed behind.  I found myself really appreciating those few excursions.  This was a cruise that was about going to whisky distilleries, though, so she mostly participated and made a big show about asking for chairs so she could sit during the tours.

I was curious about Large Marge and discovered that she worked for the taxman.  She also played tennis, before her obvious injury.  Perhaps that would account for her hyper competitive need to be the center of attention.  She'd come into a room and instantly demand attention with her loud voice and annoying laugh.  To be fair, I myself have a loud voice and annoying laugh.  But I am conscious of that and don't go out of my way to irritate people.  I got the sense that Large Marge purposely used her vocal weapons to be annoying.  She came off as a total attention whore.

On our cruise, there was a whisky expert. He had written many books about whisky and, to me, came off as a bit pretentious, though he was certainly knowledgeable.  He and Large Marge were fast friends.  It was like a mutual ass kissing society.  Of course, neither of them came across as particularly genuine.  I got the sense that their newly formed union was based on what one could do for the other. Large Marge could help the guy sell books and the whisky expert could make Large Marge look like she's a member of the cool kids' club.

I mostly tried to ignore the bitch all week.  I did my best not to sit near her or engage her.  It was very difficult to ignore her, though, because she constantly demanded attention.  On the last night of our cruise, she really pissed me off.  We were allowed to visit the galley.  Bill and I had seen it, so we didn't plan to visit again.  But I wanted to thank the kitchen crew for the excellent food...  While we were in there, Large Marge came barging into the galley.  She immediately took over the tiny space with her overwhelming presence.  It was astonishingly rude behavior.  I noticed one of the kitchen workers looking very annoyed, so I quickly made apologies and left.  But I was very pissed off.  We went to the lounge for a nightcap anyway.  While we were sitting there, Large Marge and her entourage showed up, sat in our space, and once again overwhelmed us.

I decided it was time for bed.  Sadly, someone had an accident on the steps and needed to be evacuated.  The staff didn't want to let us in the area, but I promised we were just going to bed.  So we went... Four hours later, the puking started.  More later.


  1. You stopped at a rather ominous point. I hope your trip was not ruined.

    Pee Wee's Big Adventure was Matthew's and my favorite movie when we were very young. One evening when we were three (based on where we lived then, we would have had to be three) my parents ha gone to an afternoon wedding and got home before our bedtime. We rode with my dad as he took the babysitter home. for some reason the windows In our van were down. Maybe there was a problem with the van's AC. I really don't know, but where we lived, it tended to be either too hot or too cold almost all the time, and we never went anywhere with car windows down. that night they were open. Anyway, for some reason, as the babysitter was walking down her walkway toward her front door, Matthew hollered out the van window, "Just remember to tell 'em that Large Marge sent you." It was such a totally random thing to have said. god knows what inspired him. The memory, too, was a bit random.

    I feel like I already know the lady about whom you are talking. we all know at least one person like her. There's even one like her on Judge Alex's Facebook page -- the resident loudmouth who also thinks she's the gate-keeper for the Cool Kids' Club.

    I have to hear the end.

    1. I have a lot more to write when I am at my computer and well.

  2. Sorry to hear it. Kerpyourfluids and spirits up.

    Oz Doc

  3. I am better, but now Bill has it. The vomiting just started,


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