Sunday, January 17, 2016

Blackberries and carnations...

This post is inspired by something I saw on Facebook.  A friend I don't know offline has been having a very tough year.  She and her husband have not been getting along so well.  They just celebrated their 18th wedding anniversary.

Eighteen years is a long time to be married, though many people have spend a lot longer together.  I have been with Bill for thirteen years and I can say with all honesty that we are still very much in love and enjoy each other's company.  In fact, last night we sat down in our living room together, listened to music, and just enjoyed hanging out.  We didn't turn on the television; there isn't one in our living room.  We sat and talked and drank some wine... hung out with Zane and Arran and watched the snow fall until it got dark outside.

By contrast, my Facebook friend who was celebrating her 18th anniversary writes that her husband presented her with carnations and a small box of blackberries as token of his affection.  He basically bought her a gift from the grocery store produce aisle.  Then he started watching football.

This friend has other friends who report similar tales of anniversaries being a non-event.  One woman even wrote that after twenty years and five kids, her husband never once gave her a gift of any kind.

I suppose if blackberries and carnations have a significant meaning in a person's relationship, it's not such a bad thing to give them as a gift.  However, this lady makes it sound like the gift was an afterthought and that her husband was more interested in watching football than being with his wife.  He didn't even bother to put the blackberries in a nice bowl for her.  He just gave them to her in the plastic carton.  It's the thought that counts, but it doesn't sound like much thought went into that token of eighteen years of marriage.

Stories like this one make me realize how lucky I am.  It's not about the gift; it's about the sentiment.  On our anniversary, Bill and I went out to a nice restaurant.  But I would have been happy if he just gave me warm hug and a kiss and told me how much he loves me.  He does that on a daily basis anyway.    


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