Sunday, December 27, 2015

Me and my negative attitude...


Except when it is...

Yesterday, I decided to post a link to my Overeducated Housewife Facebook page to a group I'm a member of.  My decision to do that was impulsive.  A lot of the people in the group are affiliated with the military, and while a lot of people in the military have no issues with drama or swearing, many are also devout Christians who write about their faith, being a parent, or dieting/keeping in shape.

What do I write about?  Well, looking at my most recent posts on this particular blog, I write a lot of stuff that's kind of negative and bitchy.  I swear a lot.  I write about crime and criminal behavior.  I liberally sprinkle the word "fuck" in my posts.  I also write about my husband's ex wife and my distaste for Mormonism.  To the casual observer, my blog is pretty negative and I probably look like an embittered, crazy woman.

When I share my blogs among military folks, I usually only share the travel blog.  I do get a little salty in that blog, but I swear a lot less and the material is less controversial and personal.  This blog, which is definitely my most popular one, tends to be rawer, more profane, and more personal.  I originally started it as a place for me to vent my spleen.  I used to keep it pretty secret, too.  I never shared my posts on Facebook or anywhere else.  I figured people who were interested in what I wrote would Google and find me that way.

A couple of years ago, when my other writing outlets all died simultaneously, I decided to be more public with my blogs.  I tried making them more niche oriented.  At one point, I had four blogs of my own and contributed to a fifth.  I finally dismantled the fourth blog because it wasn't holding my attention and it was too embarrassing to share it (it was an "adult oriented" blog).  I have a music blog that's mine, but after three years, it's kind of played out and the only topic people are interested in is Mindi Carpenter (Richard Carpenter's daughter who is probably forever compared to her famous Aunt Karen).  I don't update it as often anymore, except when I run across something I want to preserve for posterity.  Most of my music posts are about karaoke and obscure songs from the 70s and 80s.

The travel blog has picked up a lot of steam lately because of my military affiliated readers in Germany.  However, I am constantly trying not to be too blunt or profane.  I know some people like the travel blog because it's not all cutesy hearts and flowers with pictures of kids and puppies.  But I have to remember my audience and not be too raunchy because I don't want to alienate readers, especially since that blog is supposed to be useful instead of just my rantings and opinions.


I always did admire Mark Twain's wit...

On this blog, I really like to let 'er rip.  Since it's the most popular of my blogs, that's the one the Facebook page is named for.  I post links to almost all of my  blog posts on that one Facebook page.  Naturally, the few people  from the military blogging group who just decided to like my page are now going to see all of my links, including the ones that make me look nuts.  That means I probably shouldn't cuss as much or be so unfiltered.  On the other hand, if I did that, I think this blog would be less interesting, less real, and less "me".

A lot of people don't like me.  That's been true my whole life.  I don't even think my parents liked me all that much, at least not until I became an adult.  And even then, I'm pretty sure my dad wasn't too fond of me.  Conversely, I have a lot of friends who love that I'm not afraid to be expressive and say what's on my mind.  Most of them don't care that I use a lot of profanity.  Those who know me well, know why I write the things I do about my husband's ex wife and Mormonism.  Those who bother to read more than a couple of posts may, over time, learn why I write what I do.  I don't expect everyone to understand me, but I do realize that some people may get a bad impression of me due to my messy word vomit and occasionally negative attitude.

I have to admit that yesterday, after I shared my blog's Facebook page, I kind of regretted it.  Because when I share the page and get a few likes, inevitably, people will come to realize that it was mistake to "like" the page.  I start to feel insecure and depressed.  I start wondering if I should change what I write and soften my approach a bit.  I hear my dad's disapproving voice in my head saying, "Jenny, pretty is as pretty does."  I wonder if I should have tried to be more the way he wanted me to be rather than the way I actually am.  But then I realize that trying to be someone I'm not is exhausting, more trouble than it's worth, and doesn't really make me more likable.  Aside from that, life is short enough as it is.

Well... fuck it.  I am actually pretty okay.  I am a basically good person, even though I cuss and openly admit that I hate Mormonism (which is NOT the same as hating Mormon people).  I'm not a whore or a homewrecker because I am my husband's second wife.  I am not the cause of his kids disowning him or his ex wife being crazy and vindictive.  The fact that I need to write about those things doesn't make me immature.  As a matter of fact, I watch the stats for this page.  One of the most popular and shared posts from this blog is the open letter I wrote to angry adult stepchildren.   I have a feeling that that post was very helpful for many people.  Of course, it's also not full of profanity.  


Oh, fuck off...

But I do understand that when it comes to blogging, people tend to go by their initial impressions.  I probably ought to remember to consider my audience more.  Maybe, at some point in the future, I will make a separate Facebook page just for the travel blog.  That way, I can share that among military groups and not have a stab of regret when I realize that some people may see my more scathing postings and determine that I'm crazy.  But since the page I have going now is not that popular and I don't promote it that much or very often, it's probably not a big deal one way or the other.


2 comments:

  1. Awesome post.

    Don't ever change, Jenny. You're one of my fave peeps!

    ReplyDelete

Comments on older posts will be moderated until further notice.