Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Sanctimommy city on Upworthy!


As might be seen in Where There Is No Doctor....  I guess if you have a beer gut like I do, this advice also applies...

It's time for another sanctimommy post.  As I am not a mommy myself, I suppose I have no skin in this game.  However, since I am an Internet user who reads comments from other people, I figure I have the right to opine.  Today's post comes from the news I read on Facebook about it not being safe for women to drink any alcohol when they are pregnant.  Actually, it was also on the Today show's parenting page, which I somehow got subscribed to at some point and have since unfollowed.

Anyway... I read Today's article and had to stop reading the comments because they were irritating.  But then, Upworthy did a post about it and the sanctimommy bullshit continued apace.  Needless to say, I got sucked into the comments on Upworthy last night and quickly felt my irritation meter start to rise.  I can't deal with the self-righteous, holier-than-thou commentary that tends to come on anything about parenting and children.  Here are some of the more entertaining comments...

You don't need alcohol. If a doctor tells you that drinking alcohol - at all - is dangerous for your baby, don't fucking drink. We avoid all kind of things while we're pregnant - sushi, hot dogs, hair dye, hot tubs... but you're going to go to war over a goddamned glass of wine?

Just wait until the baby is born. It's 10 months, you'll survive.


Yes, I realize this has been debated and debated and French people do it, and some doctors say one glass is ok, but at the end of the day, if you KNOW there is a potential risk, and you KNOW you can avoid it without it disrupting your life, then why risk it?


Drinking is not the same thing as driving a car. One of them gets you to and from work, the other one gets you a buzz. Which one of those do you think is more important for you to give up for your baby?


What if your doctor tells you a small amount of alcohol is okay or even advisable in your particular case?

 "Why does pregnancy turn us into incubators?" Seriously? Because if you are choosing to have a baby, there is a life inside you whose long-term health depends on the things you put into your body. If that's too much for you to grasp in pregnancy, then a lifetime of parenthood is going to be a real bitch.

I don't disagree that pregnant women should be cautious about what they eat, drink, and expose themselves to, but do you think you could dial back the melodrama a little?

Seriously? You take issue because I said shit. Also FYI IF YOU ARE PREGNANT IT IS NOT YOUR LIFE ANYMORE. THERES SOMEONE INSIDE OF TOU WHO MIGHT LIKE TO HAVE EVERY CHANCE AT A NORMAL HEALTHY LIFE. YOU DO NOT NEED ALCHOL DURING PREGNANCY UNLESS A DOCTOR SAYS YOU ARE GOING TO DIE WITHOUT IT. YOU CLEARLY NEED TO CHECK INTO REHAB SINCE THIS BOTHERS TOU SO MUCH THAT YOU CANT HANDLE NOT DRINK TO 100% ENSURE THE HEALTH OF YOUR UNBORN CHILD.

Bwahahahaahaha!!!!

Pregnant women being "policed"? Overdramatic much? It's a study by the AAP with a recommendation. If you don't like it because your prefer your booze over you baby, that's your problem. Most moms actively seek out this information because their primary concern is the health of their child. If being knocked up means I can't eat cold cuts or sushi or dye my roots, I'll get over it.

Oh... what a righteous mommy you are...

These are just a few replies to just ONE comment on that article.  There are plenty more where these came from.  And some of the comments are just plain idiotic.  Like this one below...

No kidding! Women who drink when pregnant are criminals.

Tell that to pretty much every European woman. That'll go over real well


Don't care. My opinion

By definition they are not criminals. That's a fact. If we're talking about your opinion, then in your opinion they should be considered criminals. Or perhaps in your opinion they are bad mothers. But the fact is, they are not criminals.

Again. Not rocket science. Just my OPINION.

Guess I'm a criminal then. But technically, if you go above the speed limit, you're breaking the law, making you a criminal too. Cheers

Except that they're not actual criminals. You're entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts, and the fact is, it's not illegal to drink while pregnant. 

But your "opinion" is factually wrong. Try different wording if you don't want people to call you out on being wrong.

Actually, in some states it is illegal for bartenders to serve pregnant women.  But since many women hide pregnancy fairly well and others are just fat, I would imagine it's a tough law to enforce.  Certainly, if you want to drink in the privacy of your own home, it would be hard for anyone to place you under arrest.  On the other hand, it appears that "fetal rights" are really starting to trump the rights of their already born mothers.  Even if you did choose to drink, use illegal drugs, or smoke while pregnant and your doctor found out about it, you could end up in hot water.

Some of the comments I've posted make me think that if you are pregnant and out and about, all eyes are on you and what you're doing.  I can imagine sitting in a restaurant while pregnant, drinking something that might just even look like wine, and having some self-righteous twat come over and yell at me.  It seems that some of these folks think they're entitled to do so... although my guess is that most of them are probably merely online avengers.  

When I waited tables, I do remember serving a visibly pregnant woman sparkling wine with strawberries.  The reason I remember it is because her husband stiffed me and wrote on their charge slip that I gave them "very poor service".  I think it was because they asked me to serve a strawberry with their wine and I wasn't able to satisfy them with what the kitchen staff was willing to give me.  I went to the pantry and asked for a strawberry for the sparkling wine and they wouldn't give me a whole one (the place where I worked made it hard to please customers because there were many rules).  Also, they had ordered soup, which came in a bowl with a lid.  I took the lid off and some of the steam dripped from it.  Anyway, they were tacky folks... I figure that kid had way more problems to look forward to than a mother who drank while she was pregnant.  By now, he or she is a teenager and, I hope, giving his or her parents sheer hell (I hold grudges like a champ).

These kinds of news articles always bring out the sanctimommies.  I will go on record to say that it's very irresponsible to get loaded on alcohol or any other potentially harmful substance when you're expecting a baby.  However, I think that every person and every pregnancy is different and things are not always as they seem.  A pregnant woman who has a problem with booze is probably going to drink no matter how much mommy shaming is heaped on her.  Many true alcoholics are pretty crafty and they'll drink in secret or when they are alone.  That's part of the disease.  A woman who has an occasional beer or glass of wine is probably more likely to risk drinking in public.  Why?  Because prior to being pregnant, she probably hasn't had anyone harass her about her drinking habits.  If you come up to her and yell that she ought to be reported to CPS, you won't be helping her stay healthy during her pregnancy.  That will cause her to be stressed... which is also something to avoid during pregnancy.

The bottom line is that every one of us every day is exposed to risks.  Pregnant women, by and large, are adults and they have the right to make decisions without being policed by holier than thou strangers.  Unless you see an obviously pregnant woman getting absolutely plastered in a public place, it's probably best if you just mind your own business.  You live your life and let other people live theirs.      


2 comments:

  1. i don't have a dog in this fight for the next several years, either. the whole issue of drinking while pregnant is one about which I have mixed feelings. i don't enjoy alcohol enough to justify drinking when I'm pregnant, but I do find these current tactics some what alarmist in nature. It's hard to believe that a generations of parents drank moderately while pregnant with no known detriment to their offspring, yet now even a sip of an alcoholic drink at any point in the pregnancy is a tremendous risk. And i find the sanctimony off-putting regardless of my personal feelings for or gainst drinking modestly while pregnant.

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  2. Yeah. Of course it's not smart to abuse substances when you are pregnant. But neither do you need to preach to others about what they are doing.

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