Saturday, August 29, 2015

Continuing on with my crap theme...

When Bill goes away, I usually try pretty hard to stay sober.  I do that for a lot of reasons.  For one thing, it's just me and the dogs and I want to try to keep sharp in case something happens and I need to drive somewhere or otherwise take action.  For another thing, I drink a lot of beer and wine and I like to give my body a rest sometimes... and remind myself that I can go a day or two without alcohol.

I won't pretend that my lifestyle is particularly healthy.  It's not, really, especially with the number of alcoholics in my family.  But I will say one thing.  I am rarely constipated, especially when I drink dark beer.

Last night, I drank one of these... and a few more dark beauties.

It's funny that I wrote about enemas yesterday because I woke up this morning at about 5:30am and felt like my body was purging itself as it would after a good colon cleanse.  I mean, it took a good four rounds on the crapper before I was done and could go lie down again.  By that time, I was wide awake and going back to sleep was out of the question.

I intended to stay dry last night, since Bill is due home this morning (sans his garment bag, which got misplaced somewhere in Africa).  I got bored, though, and drinking beer is a way to pass the time.  So I started with a Lion Stout from Sri Lanka.  It was surprisingly good and didn't cost much.  I will be buying more.

Of course, once I had the first beer, I decided to follow up with another... and another.  My guess is that is what made me need to go so much this morning.  I was pretty distressed about it, too, because I could hear Zane's guts rumbling and knew he needed to go out.  I couldn't get up from the toilet as fast as I wanted to.

I guess I should feel lucky Germany has toilets instead of squat holes.  In Armenia, it was not uncommon to have to squat over a hole to go to the bathroom.  In my school, we had squat toilets for the students, though I think there might have been a real toilet for the adults.  Actually, sometimes it was better to squat because the toilets in Armenia could be extremely nasty.  But if you needed to go for awhile, you ran the risk of getting sore thighs... or maybe falling backwards into the mess.

Supposedly, squat toilets are better for you anyway.  When you sit, you kind of kink up the hose, as it were.  Squatting allows you to have a clean chute for the shit to drain out of.  I learned this by reading a book by Dave Praeger called Poop Culture: How America is Shaped By Its Grossest Product.  Maybe seven years ago, I went through a phase where I was reading a lot of books about poop.  They were pretty educational and entertaining.    

Supposedly, this is not as good for you as squatting is...

Anyway, who needs ExLax when you have dark beer around?  Maybe it's not chocolated like a laxative, but it's a lot more fun to drink good beer than take a pill or an enema.  Maybe I should submit a report to Poop Report.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Comments on older posts will be moderated until further notice.