Friday, May 15, 2015

Selfish parents...

Today's post is about selfish parents.  I am writing about that today because I've read three news stories in the past three hours about parents who are more interested in themselves and their desires than they are, or were in one sad case, in their kids.

First off-- Kelly Rutherford.  You may know her from Melrose Place and Gossip Girl.  She is an actress and the mother of two children with German ex, Daniel Giersch.  Since 2012, Rutherford has been engaged in a custody fight for her eight year old son, Hermes and her five year old daughter, Helena.  They currently live in France with their father because Giersch lost his residency permit and is no longer allowed to live in the United States.

The reason Giersch lost his right to live in the United States is allegedly because Rutherford claimed that he was illegally dealing drugs and weapons.  Rutherford denies the allegations.  Although Giersch was not found guilty of dealing drugs and weapons, he was still forced to leave the country.  So a judge granted him primary custody of Hermes and Helena.  Since then, Rutherford has been fighting to get the children moved back to the United States, even though Giersch pays for her to visit in France.

While I am not directly involved in this case and don't know any more about it than anyone else does, it does appear that Rutherford brought a lot of this mess on herself.  It's not so common for American judges to give dads primary custody of children, especially when they are as young as Hermes and Helena are and especially when it means they have to leave the United States.  It's my guess that Rutherford was a bit toxic in an attempt to push the children's dad out of their lives and a judge rightly granted custody to the more stable parent.

I'm sure it's very difficult for Rutherford to be separated from her kids, but fathers are asked to give up access to their kids all the time.  Non-custodial fathers are often at the mercy of the mothers of their children who usually have physical custody of the kids.  Child custody issues are often unfairly settled and usually in favor of the mother.  That's why I feel pretty certain that there's a lot to the story missing.  Rutherford has been speaking out in favor of "equal rights" in family courts.  I agree that there should be more equal rights, but it's not the women who need more of them, at least in my humble opinion.

Anyway, whatever happens, I hope these two parents can work things out in favor of their children's best interests.  Somehow, I doubt they will, though.

Secondly-- Mom flees with four year old son to avoid son's forced circumcision.  Heather Heronimus had a baby with ex boyfriend Dennis Nebus.  Though they were never married, they share custody of the child and had initially agreed to have the boy undergo a circumcision.  Heronimus later changed her mind and has been at war with Nebus over whether or not the boy's foreskin should be removed.

I understand that circumcision is important in some religions, particularly Judaism, and there are times when it is medically necessary.  But this kid is now four years old and is terrified of the procedure, which is supposedly why Heronimus fled.  Frankly, I can't blame her.  Four years old is far too old for a boy to have to undergo such a procedure unless it is medically indicated.

While I usually think both parents should have a say in most parenting decisions, in this case I think the ship has sailed.  The child is not property; he is a human being.  Dad should let go and let the kid keep his foreskin.  Frankly, I think circumcision is stupid anyway.  I'm glad to see fewer American parents doing it.  Here in Europe, it is illegal in many places and pretty much unheard of elsewhere.

And thirdly, a very sad case out of Kentucky.  49 year old Lieutenant Colonel John Jonas elected to kill his eleven year old daughter, Tasha, and himself in the midst of a child support battle with Tasha's mother, Karina Jonas.  I am not sure what drove LTC Jonas to commit murder and suicide.  I am guessing in the face of impending retirement, he was feeling pretty desperate.  Either that, or he was a selfish sociopath.  ETA: I see from another article that Jonas may have been suffering from PTSD.  If that's the case, how truly tragic.

There was absolutely no justification in this man's decision to kill his child, although having watch Bill deal with leaving the Army, I can understand why he might have felt nervous or desperate about the future.  I feel sad for Tasha's mother and all of the others left behind after the ultimate selfish parenting decision.

We have lots of rain and cool weather today.  I'm feeling a little icky.  May go back to bed and do some reading.

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