Monday, March 30, 2015

Yahoo! writer doesn't want kids... gets her tubes tied and tells the Internet...

Call it a force of habit.  I use Yahoo! more often than not when I do an Internet search.  I know I should probably use Google, since Google is better reputed.  But I have been using Yahoo! since I first started surfing the Web and old habits die hard.  The fact that I use Yahoo! means that sometimes I run across blog posts written by Yahoo! writers.

Now... I used to write Yahoo! articles myself on Yahoo! Voices and, before that, Associated Content.  Those were the days when one could make money writing on the Web, and I did.  So did a lot of my Internet friends.  But then in 2014, all three of the places where I regularly submitted work decided to unceremoniously tank.  I now concentrate my writing on my own blogs and a music blog I contribute to.  It's not been a bad thing, though the cash flow is not as good as it used to be.

In any case, this morning I read an article written by Chelsea Hottovy called "I Got My Tubes Tied at 28 Because I Don't Want Kids".  This is a piece written by a young woman who has always known she doesn't want to have children.  She decided to take permanent steps to prevent having them by having a doctor perform a tubal ligation.

Chelsea lists many good reasons why she doesn't want children.  She likes her freedom.  She owes a lot of money on her college loans.  She doesn't want to deal with teen angst, diaper rash, or "tummy time".  She likes kids just fine and would happily be a babysitter, but she doesn't want kids of her own.

Frankly, I think if you know you don't want kids, it's good to make sure you won't have them.  I think it's very selfish to have children you don't want.  Permanent sterilization is low risk and allows a somewhat carefree lifestyle...  until you decide you were wrong about your lack of desire for children.

I am somewhat the opposite of Chelsea.  I wanted to have children and always assumed I would.  Then I married a man who had a vasectomy when he was only 29 years old.  He thought he was done having children.  Then his marriage fell apart and his kids disowned him.  He married me and had the vasectomy reversed.  It was supposedly a successful operation and we didn't even have to pay for it, thanks to the Army.  Unfortunately, I never conceived.  Back in those days, we really didn't have the extra money to try for any reproductive treatments, even though they would have been inexpensive for us.

It was during that time that I realized that I thought I wanted kids... but I probably didn't want them that badly.  I have never been really comfortable around children, though a lot of them seem to like me because of my zany sense of humor.  As time went on, I started to accept the fact that my "kids" would all be of the four legged variety.  Then I looked at all the things I have in my life that I may not have had if I had children.  I'd be lying if I said my biological clock hasn't been gonging for years.  A the same time, it's great to be able to travel and spend my days doing mostly whatever I want to do.

Kids are a big crap shoot, anyway.  You could end up with wonderful, easy kids who are loving and sweet.  Or you could end up with monsters who are psychopaths.  People often want to blame the parents when their child does something wrong, even when the "kid" is an adult.  Case in point, Andreas Lubitz, who apparently deliberately crashed the Germanwings plane last week, had parents.  They are shut up in their house right now, presumably very ashamed of what their son did.  I often wondered about Timothy McVeigh's parents, and how they must have felt when their son blew up the Alfred P. Murrah building in Oklahoma City back in 1995.  Later, they had to endure his execution by the federal government.

Don't get me wrong.  I know that most kids grow up to be normal, decent adults.  And if you are in need of assistance when you are old and grey and you have a nice adult child who is willing to help you out, that can be a tremendous blessing.  But having kids just for the sake of those kids possibly helping you before you die is a dumb idea.  You can't force them to help you.  Indeed, life is getting so hard these days that by the time you're done helping them launch into the world, you may be ready for the nursing home.  And by that time, they may be having their own kids who need their help and resources.

I can understand why Chelsea Hottovy prefers to keep her womb vacant.  And hell, people like her make it less traumatizing on the Earth that people like JimBoob and Michelle Duggar will keep breeding until their genitals disintegrate.  The world needs people who don't have kids because if we all had 19 of them, there would be problems aplenty!  On the other hand, to get your tubes tied at 28 is quite a decision.  Fortunately, she lives in an age when permanent sterilization can sometimes be reversed.  She can also adopt if she wants to, though that's not as easy as some people seem to believe it is.

The older I get, the more I think maybe it's best to just go with the flow, wherever life takes you.  But that's just me and I mainly made that decision because every time I've tried to control the direction of my life, I've ended up somewhere I wasn't planning to be.  It's like trying to fight the current in an ocean swell.  Just try to prevent those waves from knocking you down the beach.  Chances are, you won't be able to.

So at 42, I've kind of given up on it.  I do what I can to plan for the future, but I mostly hope for the best.  I hope Chelsea remains happy with her decision not to have kids and that her best laid plans remain best for her.  And hopefully, she won't be one of those women whose tubes grow back together somehow, especially if she really doesn't want to reproduce.  I hope that she stays happy focusing on herself and her life and she never has any pangs to share what she has with a child of her own.  Chances are good that she won't, but you never know.

I have to admit, I used to have that strong drive to reproduce, but it's definitely withered away...  I can't deny that when it comes to making babies, some peoples' biological clocks maintain a flashing 12:00.  


2 comments:

  1. I think it's smart to wait until one is at least in his or her late twenties before making things permanent, especially for a woman, for who the chances of successfully reversing the surgery are low. but people who do not want kids are doing the right thing for everyone by not having them.

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    1. Yeah. If you're really sure-- and some people truly are-- it's not a bad thing to make things permanent. In the long run, it may have even been a blessing that Bill got snipped. At least he only made two girls with his ex. She wasn't done having kids.

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