Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Repost of my review of Fairytales, a *very* soft porn flick from the 70s...

I originally posted this when Bill was deployed to Iraq. It did nothing to satisfy my libido, but it was fun viewing just the same. As movies go-- especially porn movies-- it's pretty tame too… but probably not something you'd want your kids to see. I bought a copy of it and I don't watch it anymore… I mainly bought it so Bill could see it.

An amusing soft porn way to spend 76 minutes...

 May 14, 2007 (Updated May 14, 2007)
Review by   
Rated a Very Helpful Review
  • User Rating:Very Good

  • Action Factor: 
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Pros:Young Linnea Quigley. Funny. Good musical numbers.

Cons:Very campy. Silly plot. 

The Bottom Line:Fairytales is a silly movie that is horribly dated. So why do I want to add it to my collection?

Plot Details: This opinion reveals major details about the movie's plot.

This review may be offensive because it's about a soft porn movie. If you think that will offend you, please skip reading this review.

My husband's been gone for fifteen weeks and I'm definitely feeling it. Not long ago, while I was filling up my Netflix queue, I remembered Fairytales (1978), a cheesy soft porn musical flick I saw on The Movie Channel back when I was in high school. I wondered if Netflix would have it and I'll be damned, they did. I rented it and it arrived in my mailbox the other day. I finally got around to watching it yesterday and it was every bit as silly as I remembered it. Fairytales is the kind of film that will appeal to folks who have an appreciation for camp. It's full of silly jokes, double entendres, snappy musical numbers, and female nudity.

The story is a twist of a classic. Don Sparks plays the Prince, who doesn't have an official name. It's his 21st birthday, and he has to produce an heir before he can inherit the kingdom. Three sleazy "wise men" (actually doctors who were convicted of malpractice and were freed to serve as sex advisors to the prince), sing a funny number at the beginning of the film, telling the prince about the quest he must undertake after he refuses their birthday gift of a naked and willing young woman.

Naturally, one would think a healthy 21 year old male would have no trouble succeeding in the quest, but it seems the young prince can only get it up for one special lady, Sleeping Beauty (played by "scream queen" Linnea Quigley). He goes off on his quest in search of the one woman who can turn him on, running into Little Bo Peep (played by the late Angela Aames), who tries to seduce him while wearing the ugliest costume I think I've ever seen and singing a ridiculous musical number. When the prince isn't interested, Little Bo Peep directs him to the Old Woman In The Shoe, who runs a brothel, complete with a raunchy version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. On the way there, the prince runs into a blushing Jack and oversexed Jill, who failed to fetch their pail of water for want of a good roll in the hay. Cinderella and her magic mirror make an appearance, as well as Old King Cole (who comes off as a total lech here), Little Red Riding Hood, the Frog Prince, and the Little Dutch Boy.

I will issue a warning for those who might want to watch this movie because Linnea Quigley is in it. She doesn't show up until the movie is almost done and her part is very small. This was one of her first films, after all.

When I watched this film yesterday, I had no illusions that I was watching "art". Fairytales was directed by Harry Hurwitz as Harry Tampa. It was produced by Charles Band. This movie was very obviously made in the late 1970s and looks very low budget. The music, by Andrew Belling, is kind of nice; in fact, I think I enjoyed the silly musical numbers the most. Most of the actors who sing do it reasonably well and the lyrics are catchy, funny, and very bawdy.

While there's a lot of nudity and some off color humor, there's no violence, gratuitous swearing, or even much sex in this movie. Aside from the few naked females and some jokes that require some adult sophistication to get, this movie would almost be suitable for kids. The humor is certainly juvenile enough; luckily, I happen to like that sort of thing. Of course, because Fairytales has got nude women and sexy jokes in it, I can't, in good conscience, recommend it for kids. But really, it's pretty lightweight... I'd actually rather kids watch this supposed "soft porn" film with a few naked people in it than some of the stuff on primetime TV. Even if there are a few naked women in it, there's no violence to speak of.

This movie is basically a naughty spoof of children's fairy tales with a few raunchy jokes and nude women thrown in. Even though it's technically soft porn, I think of it as good clean fun. It's not for people who are looking for deep plots, violence, or lots of sex. Fairytales is meant to be funny and entertaining above all else. No one should take it seriously, because it's plain that that folks who made this film didn't, especially the cast. It's not Oscar worthy, nor is it particularly sexy, but it is lightweight and kind of amusing. In fact, after I watched this movie, I was thinking that my husband, Bill, would probably really enjoy it because it's so campy. What's more, it really looked to me like the cast had fun making this movie.

I don't think this movie would be a big hit at a bachelor party and under normal circumstances, it's not much of a turn on. But it is good for a few laughs if you enjoy bawdy soft porn cinema from the 70s.

Recommend this product? Yes

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: Good for a Rainy Day
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age

How about that?  Here's the movie on YouTube!

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