Sunday, November 23, 2014

Don't go away mad...

Back when I first started writing this blog in 2010, I used to regularly bitch about a woman I referred to as "Ms. Overly Helpful".  I had regular interactions with her because we both used to hang out on a message board for second wives and stepmoms.  A couple of years ago, the message board tanked, so most everyone took to Facebook.  Realizing that I don't really qualify as a stepmom anymore and also realizing that some of the ladies annoyed the hell out of me, I backed out of the groups formed on Facebook.

Ms. OH was originally a Facebook friend, but one day she really irritated me.  I decided to unfriend her.  Unfriending her worked very well for a long time.  It may be that she didn't even know I dropped her off my list, since we have some common friends.  I went out of my way not to engage her because she very often says things that piss me off, whether she means to or not.

Back in the old days, when we'd butt heads, she'd feel free to send me private messages or even email me.  Her private messages were usually reproachful and condescending, though couched in motherly niceties.  Sometimes she'd get weird and try to psychoanalyze me in an Earth mother kind of way.  That was also irritating, since I already have a mother and am not looking for another one.  People who are condescending and give me unsolicited advice generally aren't folks I want to be friendly with.  Ms. OH's messages were always peppered with cutesy little smilies that annoyed me almost as much as her messages did.

By contrast, I have never once initiated an email conversation with her, nor have I ever sent her a private message to take her to task over anything.  When I've confronted her, I've done it openly.  And every time I've done it, I've thought it through beforehand, because contrary to popular belief, I am not really a fan of conflict.  Ms. OH usually gets offended and it turns into a dramatic hissy fit very quickly.  I ain't got the time for that.

Anyway, it's been several years since I dropped Ms. OH from my Facebook friends and I don't participate in any groups she's part of.  And aside from the occasional run in on mutual friends' Facebook postings, I haven't had to deal with her bullshit in quite awhile.  I was fine with letting her be her and letting me be me... until a couple of nights ago, when a friend posted about marijuana.  She wanted to know if we thought it should be legalized.  I said it should; that way, I could smoke it next week while hanging around my family.

Ms. OH pipes up with a quip about how some laws were meant to be broken, insinuating that smoking pot is no big deal.  And maybe it's not if you don't have a job where drug testing is done.  I wrote that I don't have a problem with recreational pot use, but Bill doesn't like marijuana because he used to live with a couple of potheads in college.  He didn't like that the pot seemed to make them less than ambitious.  He also doesn't like smoke.

Ms. OH comes back with "He's never lived with alcoholics? ;) ;)"

That comment annoyed me because it came across as a less than subtle dig.  Why would you add winkie smilies if you aren't implying that you "know" Bill has had "experience" with drunks?  If it were an honest and serious question, there wouldn't be any winking going on.  

I think if she'd left off the winkie smilies, I probably wouldn't have gotten so aggravated.  Alcoholism is a very sore subject for me and I don't think it's funny.  Alcoholism has personally caused me a lot of pain.  People I love have also been hurt due to alcoholism.  I grew up with an alcoholic who abused me.  Moreover, some might even call me an alcoholic because I really do like my booze-- though Bill says he doesn't think I'm abusive or mean when I drink.

But even if alcoholism weren't a sore subject, I don't like her and I don't enjoy interacting with her.  This week has been stressful enough for me, dealing with people who are crazy makers.  I feel pretty certain I don't want to interface with Ms. OH again.  So I decided to block her.

I told Bill that I thought I'd soon get an email from her.  Sure enough, I did.  She wrote that she didn't understand and wanted to know what she'd said to offend me.  Seems to me that if someone blocks you on Facebook, it means they don't want to talk to you.  But she can't accept that and has to know why... and she seems to think I owe her an explanation, as if we were actual friends.

It is possible that her comment about alcoholics was innocent, but I am guessing it wasn't.  I've been around her enough to know that she's one to be snarky.  She has a way of looking down on people.  I don't think she was intending to be funny or even friendly.  Besides, I honestly think she's an asshole; so this decision was years in the making.  To be clear, I didn't block her because of one stupid comment; I blocked her because she has a very long history of irritating me and most interactions I have with her raise my blood pressure.  And when I have told her why she gets under my skin, she gets pissy.

She just rubs me the wrong way and either can't or won't modify her behavior.  And I would be wrong to ask her to modify it.  She obviously has friends and loved ones who love her just the way she is.  I'm obviously the one with a problem, so I just decided to quietly walk away so I don't have to read her shit anymore.

But she apparently doesn't want us to part company... or she wants to engage me in some dialogue as to why I don't like her.  I just want to say to her, "Don't go away mad.  Just go away."

Not everyone is going to like you.  Lots of people don't like me for whatever reason.  Not even a mild mannered, even tempered guy like Bill is universally liked by everyone.  You're not a bad person, Ms. OH.  You just get on my fucking nerves.  So please just leave me alone.  There are a lot of people out there who will happily be buddies with you.  I am not one of them.



  1. Some segments of our society are odd in their demonizing of substances. Pot is ok, or maybe pot is evil. it's all in how a person handles whatever substance is the topic of discussion. If no one is adversely affected, why should anyone care. you like wine. I like popcorn. What's really the difference as long as driving while impaired is not an issue. i mkght someday become obese due to my popcorn addiction, but should it matter to anyone else? I would say it would be between myself and any sexual partner i might have, and that the sexual partner can take me with popcorn or not at all.

    1. LOL... Well, of course you're right, Alexis. Another thing about Ms. OH that is very annoying is that she fancies herself a health nut. That's fine, except she lectures other people about their health, too. I used to drink a lot of diet soda. I (mostly) gave it up a couple of years ago, but before I did that and was still interacting with Ms. OH a lot, she used to lecture me about it under the guise of being "caring".

      And yes, of course you're right about substances, too. If you like pot, smoke it or eat it or shove it up your ass for all I care. I am a wino and a beer drinker. I should probably drink less, but it doesn't bother Bill. And it's none of her goddamn business anyway.


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