Thursday, October 9, 2014

Ten things the writers of 7th Heaven hate...

I've been on yet another 7th Heaven viewing kick, which has really been in earnest ever since the news broke about Stephen Collins and his sexual "indiscretions" with girls.  This show is pretty infuriating.  I know a lot of people loved it because they thought it was wholesome, but really, it's full of propaganda and utter bullshit.  It's fun to snark on it, which is why I watch... but it's also really irritating.  So here's a list of things the writers of 7th Heaven hated...

10.  Marijuana-  I am currently on season 8 and I can't tell you how many times the "pot is bad" message has been broadcasted on this show.  From the infamous episode during which Matt Camden brings a joint home and gets bitched out, to the many times the cops talk about people going "bad" for smoking it, to poor old Jimmy Moon going down the tubes, the writers of this show hate pot.  Drugs are bad, mmm'kay?

Watch RevCam go off on Matt... I know if I lived in that house, I'd sure want to be high!

9.  Fathers-  Okay sure, there were a few examples of "good" dads on 7th Heaven.  By and large, though, dads on that show were thrown under the bus.  Episode after episode focused on "deadbeat dads", "drunk dads", "pot smoking dads" "sexually and physically abusive dads", and dads that are just immature assholes.  Every once in awhile, there would be a "good dad", like teen father Wilson West.  But even he is portrayed in a bad light, as a guy who knocked up some girl who then died in childbirth.  On this show, dads are shown giving their kids drugs to enhance their athleticism, being gun fanatics that result in someone getting hurt, hitting their wives or kids, abandoning their wives and kids, being deadbeats, and acting like overbearing, unreasonable, immature jerks.  Granted, there are men out in the world who are like that, but there are also a lot of women who are assholes out there.  They got a lot less air time on 7th Heaven, though.

This kid's dad was an asshole... and then he went on to shoot RevCam in his office.  

8.  Father's Rights- While I'm on the topic of fathers as portrayed on 7th Heaven, let me just add that the writers of that show apparently also think that fathers have no legal rights to their children.  On the episode "The Prodigal Father" from season 8, the character Paris Petrowski is talking about her ex husband and the father of her son, Peter.  Peter's dad is a "drunk", although he is recovering.  Paris says, "I stupidly gave him visitation rights."  News flash-- fathers have legal rights.  Mothers can't simply take legal rights away; only a judge can do that.  And mom, if you chose to make a baby with an asshole, you are at least 50% responsible for the fact that your kid's dad is an asshole.  Be a little more fuckin' selective when you fuck next time, will ya?  And writers, remember that simply having a uterus does not necessarily make a female the better parent.  Of course, RevCam is shown to be the father of the community.  He butts into everyone's business, even if they aren't parishioners.  And he's always right, too...  

7.  Alcohol-  Even though Ma and Pa Camden are shown toasting with wine when the show first started way back in 1996, the theme mallets really started beating on alcohol at some point in the show.  From the portrayal of drunk people like Aunt Julie and Peter's drunk dad, George, to showing Simon and Peter and his buddies getting loaded, this show drove home the point that booze is BAD.  I think I got most annoyed when Chandler adopted the very annoying 10 year old orphan, Jeffrey, who forced him to dump all the booze in his house.  Like a kid has any right insisting on something like that.  And, of course, alcohol was included in the whole "Mary's gone to hell" story arc, too.  In fact, I can't really think of many incidences on this show when people who drink are shown being responsible and moderate about their drinking.  They're either binge drinking and looking stupid or they're hardcore alcoholics with serious character flaws.

I grew up with an alcoholic and I never saw him act like this...

6.  Nudity-  Given the news that came out this week, maybe I shouldn't be that surprised that nudity is verboten in the Camden household.  But yeah, you aren't allowed to be nekkid at the Camden house... although Ma and Pa Camden obviously got that way a few times.

5.  The word "mad"-  I don't know why, but there was an episode during which RevCam constantly chastised people for using the word "mad" instead of "angry".  After that episode, I noticed that the actors made a special effort to say "angry" instead of mad.  Maybe it was due to an idiosyncrasy one of the show's writers had.  I feel the same way about the words "sex" vs. "gender".  

4.  Slutty people- Even though the Camden girls were kind of slutty in their own way, the Camdens didn't want anyone "experienced" hanging around.  You can bet they all had white weddings... well, except for maybe Simon...  and Mary.  Okay, so the hatred toward slutty people wasn't all that effective.  God help you if you get caught playing 7 minutes in Heaven with a Camden... or end up at a sleepover party with mixed company.

3.  Smoking- We know they hated pot on this show, but they also hated cigarettes.  There's the episode during which Simon and Ruthie smoked the French exchange student's cigarettes and got sick and the episode when Simon and his buddy, Nigel, bought cigarettes as part of an illegal class project.  And then there's the episode during which anyone who smokes comes off as an inconsiderate moron.  And the episode where RevCam makes his church parishioner, Mrs. Bink, pretend to be on oxygen to show Matt how unhealthy cigarettes are.  I'm no fan of smoking cigarettes myself, but the theme mallets for those episodes were pretty damn heavy handed.  Even Chandler's dad was a smoker... he died from smoking, too.  And he was an asshole.  Ruthie even rudely confronts an old lady named Gabrielle, played by the great Phyllis Diller, for smoking "cancer sticks".   I think she was supposed to look cute and precocious, but really she just looks like she needs a good spanking.

Matt in all his long haired glory, puffing on a cancer stick...

2.  Manners- From the fact that Ruthie was allowed to be a smartassed brat, to the fact that RevCam was constantly butting into other people's business, to the fact that no one ever said "goodbye" when they hung up the phone...  watching this show makes me think that the writers on 7th Heaven were not big on manners.  

1.  Non church goers- The Camdens were fine with people of all religious stripes... well, except for when Matt decided to become Jewish.  To their credit, RevCam got over his hatred for Matt's conversion and got over himself in the process, only after his mean ol' dad, "The Colonel", gave him a good talking to.  I can't help but notice, though, that church seemed to be a benchmark of a person's decency.  If a person attended church-- any church-- they were immediately deemed "better" or more trustworthy than a character who didn't go to church.  And more than once, RevCam turns a wayward non church goer into a church project.  It's been my experience that plenty of church attendees are jerks.  A lot of the more manipulative ones attend church to find fresh prey.  Yes, there are great people who go to church, but merely going to church is not necessarily a sign of a higher quality person.

I shouldn't watch this show... I really shouldn't.  It's not on the air anymore and it makes my blood pressure rise.  But it is so much fun to snark on it...  and the writers made it so very easy to do just that.

Oh, and here's another thing I noticed...  apparently, women get a pass for being bitchy when they are pregnant, on the rag, or suffering from PMS.  Because our hormones make us that way, don'tcha know.

Periods were a very big deal on this show.

Incidentally, Lucy went on marry an insane control freak asshole who is portrayed as a hero just because he's a cop.  And he is also shown enjoying and indulging Lucy's frequent Cluster B Scarlett O'Hara behavior, too.  Fine role model he is.   

But in Lucy's case, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  Her mother is nuckin' futs too.

I also hate that RevCam says things like "livin'", "sayin', "makin'" or "givin'" instead of living, saying, making and giving.  You care about the words mad and angry, how about enunciating for a change?  And dammit, stop being so nosey and controlling'!  RevCam apparently thinks anyone who doesn't go to college sucks.  There are lots of messages on this show that not going to college spells disaster.  Kind of reminds me of Mike and Carol Brady when Greg Brady decided to be Johnny Bravo.  Unfortunately, tuition is not as cheap now (or even when 7th Heaven was on) as it was when The Brady Bunch aired.

I think I need to get back to playing Klondike and quit watching this nonsense before I need blood pressure meds.

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