Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Feeling a bit emotional right now...

I've been working on recording a CD of religious music for my mom.  I'm not a particularly religious person, but I grew up listening to hymns and I like some of them.  My mom is having a particularly tough year and this is the least I can do.  The new windows in our German house are helpful as well, especially since they are triple paned and help keep sound from bleeding from where I do my recording.  I often worry about disturbing the neighbors.

I don't know what it is about listening to my own voice.  People seem to enjoy it, though I always end up focusing on the parts where I mess up or don't quite get the sound I want.  I have a hard time just singing and enjoying it.  On the other hand, sometimes when I do it right, I really do it right.  A few months ago, I recorded a song called "There Is A Reason".  It's by Ron Block and Alison Krauss recorded it for one of their albums of the previous decade.  I think it was New Favorite.  Anyway, we played it for my dad on the day I last saw him.  Now, when I listen to it, it makes me very emotional.

Yesterday, I got the bright idea to record an a cappella version of "On Heaven's Bright Shore", a song I originally heard Alison Krauss do.  I can't find any accompaniment for it, but it's the type of song you could do without backup.  I feel like I actually did that song the best, since I wasn't bound by anyone else's contribution.  I kind of cut loose.  And the words are about going to Heaven and no longer being in pain.

I guess lately I've been thinking a lot about my life and where it's going.  I'm lucky I have time to be creative and don't have to worry about survival.  On the other hand, I feel like I should be doing more.  I feel isolated from the real world because I spend so much time away from other people.

I have no commitments or appointments.  No one really counts on me, unless you count the dogs.  And I worry about them all the time, especially Zane.  There's no reason for me to worry about him, other than the fact that he has a tendency to be kind of delicate sometimes.  It's just that we try so hard to take care of our dogs and the last three we've had haven't lasted as long as we expected them to.  And I have this free floating anxiety that one of them is going to get sick or hurt.  It's kind of stupid, because if I had kids or a job or something, they would be the least of my worries.

I kind of wonder what I'm doing here.  Bill likes having me around because he finds me entertaining. He would miss me if I weren't here.  And my mom likes hearing me sing, too.

This was a bitch to finish.  

Guess I'll go check on the laundry now.

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