Friday, September 26, 2014

Unwanted updates about former friends...

Ever had something like this happen to you?  Say you were friends with someone for many years, but then you had a big falling out.  You decide you're done with this person and you proceed to walk in another direction, intent on maintaining no contact.  But a well meaning person who knows both of you is relentless about keeping you in the loop about what's going on with your former friend's life.

That's what happened to me last night.  I was getting ready to go to bed and was doing a last minute email check.  I got a message from a woman I knew when I was growing up.  She used to sit next to me in church.  My ex friend now attends the church I was raised in and church lady sees her somewhat regularly.  I, on the other hand, haven't been to a Sunday church service since about 2001 and I haven't been to that church in particular since I was a junior in high school.

Apparently, ex friend's daughter was christened the other day.  The woman who used to sit next to me in church, and who invariably gets my friend's name wrong (ex friend and I were formally given the same first name, but I go by a nickname), sent me an email to tell me about it.  I couldn't be less interested, especially since this friend didn't bother to tell me about said child in the first place.  I found evidence that it wasn't just a mere oversight, either.  For some reason, she deliberately took pains to prevent me from finding out about her little bundle of joy by filtering me on Facebook, yet keeping me as a friend so she could keep track of my comings and goings.  That's not something a "friend" would do and when I realized what happened, I blocked her.

But even if she had told me about her baby, I don't think we'd be friends now.  The truth is, we grew apart many years ago and, even before I unceremoniously found out about her "secret baby", I had determined long ago that we were no longer meshing.  There is something about her personality that brings out the worst in me.  And I realize that she may very well feel the same way about me.

The fact is, we really shouldn't be friends.  I resent the drama queen soap opera way she handles the people in her life.  You know?  If you have such strongly negative feelings about someone that you have to filter them from reading your Facebook updates, yet still maintain them as a "friend", you're an asshole with no integrity.  If I feel that way about someone online or offline, I just drop them from the friends list, both literally and figuratively.  And that's exactly what I did.  I honestly can't say I miss her.  

I have to admit I was annoyed to get that email... at the same time, church lady is in her 80s and she did know my ex friend to be my "best" friend for many years.  So, though I doubt she will remember it, I wrote back to the church lady and reminded her, matter-of-factly, that I am no longer friends with ex friend.  I added a few pleasantries in response to the rest of the email and then closed it.  Fortunately, Advil PM put me to sleep before I could dwell much more on it.

I know that last year, when she broke the news of my ex friend's secret baby, I told church lady that we were no longer friends.  I also know that the church lady has asked my mom what happened to our friendship.  I'm not sure what my mom told her, nor is it any of their business.  Of course, I can't very well lay this drama on the church lady and tell her exactly what happened.  She's 80+ years old and means well and I'm sure this situation would seem ridiculous to her anyway.  But at the same time, I don't really want to be updated about my ex friend.  I find the updates hurtful and I'd like to move on with my life without ex friend in it.

It's kind of the same way I feel about Bill's ex wife and ex kids, though I don't have near the same history with them that I do with my former friend.  I've determined that we're better off without their presence.  They shunned us, but they probably did us a favor.  If you want nothing to do with us, we want nothing to do with you.


This song about sums it up...


Goodbye Stranger

It was an early morning yesterday
I was up before the dawn
And I really have enjoyed my stay
But I must be moving on

Like a king without a castle
Like a queen without a throne
I'm an early morning lover
And I must be moving on with you

Now I believe in what you say
Is the undisputed truth
But I have to have things my own way
To keep me in my youth

Like a ship without an anchor
Like a slave without a chain
Just the thought of those sweet ladies
Sends a shiver through my veins

And I will go on shining
Shining like brand new
I'll never look behind me
My troubles will be few

Goodbye stranger it's been nice
Hope you find your paradise
Tried to see your point of view
Hope your dreams will all come true

Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane
Will we ever meet again?
Feel no sorrow, feel no shame
Come tomorrow, feel no pain

Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane
Will we ever meet again?
Feel no sorrow, feel no shame
Come tomorrow, feel no pain

Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane
Will we ever meet again?

Now some they do and some they don't
And some you just can't tell
And some they will and some they won't
With some it's just as well

You can laugh at my behavior
That'll never bother me
Say the devil is my savior
But I don't pay no heed

And I will go on shining
Shining like brand new
I'll never look behind me
My troubles will be few

Goodbye stranger it's been nice
Hope you find your paradise
Tried to see your point of view
Hope your dreams will all come true

Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane
Will we ever meet again?
Feel no sorrow, feel no shame
Come tomorrow, feel no pain

Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane
Will we ever meet again?
Feel no sorrow, feel no shame
Come tomorrow, feel no pain

Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane
Will we ever meet again?
Feel no sorrow, feel no shame
Come tomorrow, feel no pain

Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane
Will we ever meet again?

Songwriters
DAVIES, RICHARD / HODGSON, ROGER




  

2 comments:

  1. I'd say "asshole with no integrity" perfectly sums up nyone who would filter you but keep reeading your posts. Why would a person hide the existence of a child from anyone? It's odd behavior.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is odd behavior, but it's also nothing new. When this particular friend got married a few years ago, she asked her friends not to tell her ex boyfriend about the wedding because she wanted to "preserve the friendship". This friend is supposedly very smart, yet she somehow thinks you can actually be "friends" with someone and not tell them major things like you're getting married and/or having a child.

      I should have dumped her back then.

      Delete

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