Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Unbridled anxiety...

I have way too much time on my hands, which means that I have too much time to think about stuff.  I'm worried about Zane, my dog, not because he's acting sick or injured, but because I read too much on the Internet about canine cancer.  I've already lost two dogs to cancer and both situations were so sad.  I felt so helpless.  

Zane has a soft lump where he got his rabies vaccine.  I have read that lumps after vaccines are very common and sometimes they can take forever to go away.  They can be completely harmless cysts or hematomas.  And sometimes they can turn into fibrosarcoma, which is a type of cancer that is linked to rabies shots.  It seems the rabies shot tumors are more common with cats than dogs, but since we've lost two dogs to cancer, I am inclined to want to have a fine needle aspirate done.  The German vet didn't seem too concerned about it, but I can't help but worry.  You can't accurately diagnose cancer visually or by palpating.  Hopefully, it will set my mind at ease, but if it doesn't, at least we can try to do something.

Zane also has a little pink growth on his lip.  I went looking for information about that, and, wouldn't you know it, any growths on a dog's lip warrant a vet's attention too.  It's just one growth, maybe the size of the head of a pin, and it looks a little cauliflower-ish.  It's probably a wart.  But I want it gone, because it could be cancer or it could become cancerous.

And, of course, there's his paw, which he somehow managed to tear the skin off of the other day.  Bill got mad at me because I took the wrapping off of it a couple of nights ago.  I didn't want to do that, but it was clearly really agitating him to the point at which none of us were going to be able to go to sleep because Zane was running around the house and chewing at the bandage.  He's not lame on the paw, which is from the same leg where his lump is, but I still worry...  

Zane is still eating and playing, though he chose to sleep on the futon for most of last night instead of in bed with us like he normally does... and that makes me worry, too, though the extra room was kind of nice.  I try to tell myself that he's fine and he probably is.  I've just lost three rescues earlier than I would have expected to to nasty diseases (two to cancer and one to a rare mycobacterial infection).  Besides, Zane and Arran are kind of like my kids.  If I lose one of them now, I don't know what I'll do with myself.  Arran doesn't do so well when he's alone.  

If our cars were here, I could deal with this vet stuff myself.  But we're still waiting for them to be delivered.  It's taking forever and we didn't even use the same shipping service that has confounded so many military folks who have moved to or from Europe since the new car shipping contractor took over.  We were told the cars are in Germany, but they haven't been unloaded from the shipping container yet.  I wish they'd hurry up.  I want to drive with the top down on my Mini.  Pretty soon, it'll be too cold for that.

I'm also fretting about going back to the States for Thanksgiving and all the drama that could result from that, my mom's breast cancer (and the fact that now I'm at a higher risk of getting it), money, my teeth, and making too much noise...  I need to relax or find something productive to do... or maybe try to make some friends.  It's always hard getting settled in a new place.  I know I have a bad habit of "borrowing trouble".  I need to cool it, but it's so hard for me to do that because I am very neurotic.

Bill is working hard in his new job and on his new graduate program, which is turning out to be pretty challenging.  He come home from work, eats dinner, then does his homework on a laptop computer that is probably not really up to the job.  He's going to be doing this program for the next 18 months or so, then he'll get his second master's degree and be as overeducated as I am.  Hopefully, all that schooling will pay off better for him than it did for me.


  1. I really hope the dogs are OK.

    iEven though your new region of residence sounds very beautiful, I don't envy you the aspect of getting settled and getting to know people. I'm worried about a move north but in ther same state. Moving to a land where a different language is spoke, even if many people do speak English there, would be very daunting. You're of course a Peace Corps veteran, which means you've been in more difficult settings, but still it cannot be easy.

    1. Germany isn't that hard, really. A lot of people speak fluent English here. And we've been here before, so I knew kind of what to expect. It's not the language that makes getting to know people harder; it's the fact that Germans are not as friendly as most Americans are and they are harder to get to know. On the other hand, once you make friends with a German, they tend to be very sincere and loyal. I don't live in a town near Americans and I wouldn't fit in with a lot of them even if I did.

      I'm sure the dogs-- Zane in particular-- are okay. The last few months have just been unusually dramatic. We've had a lot of upheaval. It would be better if we didn't have to go back to the States so soon after getting here.


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