Sunday, August 24, 2014

Ye olde Fecalgram... one shitty revenge!

Have you ever been so pissed off at someone that you literally wanted to be shitty to them?  Did you ever sit in a corner and think of ways you could get back at your foe?

The flaming bag of shit is one way... though it's kinda been played out.

About ten years ago, there was a company that sold fake turds which they would then pack into a beautifully gift wrapped box.  For about $40, you could have them send one of these beautifully wrapped boxes of fake shit to someone who had earned this "special treat".  The company would send it completely anonymously, though they would include a note if you wanted one.

One guy made the news in 2005 because someone sent him a Fecalgram.  Kenneth Nailleux's neighbors were pissed off that he shot their cat for killing the birds using Nailleux's bird feeders.  So they sent him a Fecalgram, which caused him to call the police.  Apparently, aside from receiving the Fecalgram, Nailleux got a threatening note.  According to The Smoking Gun:

The box delivered to Nailleux also included a 12-character password that, when keyed into the web site, delivered the anonymous sender's message: "It's time for you to move out of our neighborhood. No one likes having you live among us and this 'gift' is a reflection of what we think of you. Remember this feeling every time you leave your house and have to drive through the neighborhood. We do not want you here."

Fecalgrams were available until around 2006 or so, when the company that made them apparently went out of business.  I have no doubt that there are plenty of people out there who wanted to send one as a gag gift-- emphasis on *gag*-- for those who either like shitty pranks or those on whom they wanted to exact revenge.  On the other hand, sending one of these could be fodder for legal action, or it could make a bad situation much worse.

I started thinking about the Fecalgram this morning while chatting with an old friend who thinks I should write a novel.  He said it should be based on something from my life.  My life hasn't been that exciting, really; though I do have the distinct displeasure of having experienced my husband's ex wife's toxic bullshit.  While I may not have gotten around much in my 42 years, I can say that she is one of the most fucked up people I have ever encountered.  And even in saying that, I realize that she could have been much worse than she is.

All she did was poison Bill's daughters against him, try to ruin his relationships with his family of origin, ruin him financially, and extort money from him for over twenty years.  He was eventually able to recover from his years with her, though; and he's still alive and well.  He never has to see her or her kids again.  Some people who have had bad relationships with toxic people have not been so fortunate.

I will admit that back around 2005, when my husband's ex wife was at her shittiest, I was really tempted to send her a Fecalgram.  I jokingly floated the idea past Bill's mom, who also hates his ex wife, and she said she'd even split the cost with me.  But I determined it would be a waste of money because I wouldn't get to see her reaction; and at that time in our marriage, we didn't really have $40 to spend on fake shit.

Also, it would be one more thing the ex could say I "did" to her, even if someone else had sent it to her.  I am, of course, assuming no one else ever did gift the ex with fake poo; but I'm just as certain she has plenty of other enemies besides me, Bill, and Bill's mom.  I'm also sure she would immediately suspect me if she ever did receive such a "gift".  Besides, it was almost as much fun for me to imagine her reaction to receiving a Fecalgram in the mail and the raging paranoia I knew would quickly ensue following receipt of that beautifully gift wrapped package.

This person apparently received a Fecalgram and thought it was funny.  Warning, there's a lot of filthy language in this video.

I know just thinking about doing something like this is immature and horrible... but then, so is trash talking about your children's father and making them believe he's an awful person just because your marriage to him didn't work out.  And so is telling your ex husband's mother that her only son hates women and is a sick pervert.  And so is telling people at your church that your husband, who doesn't have a mean bone in his body, abuses you and threatens you with a Bowie knife that you know is part of his military uniform.  And so is deliberately ruining your husband's credit by telling him you'll take care of the bills and then failing to do so.  And so is staging a bunch of hurtful dramas involving your dying marriage in your children's grandparents' home over major holidays...

These are all things my husband's first wife did to him during and after their relationship which has led me to hate her with a flaming hot passion.  She is one of the very few people on this earth for whom I have these feelings.

People tell me I should move on; and intellectually, I know I should.  In fact, I mostly have moved on... because now, when I think about this stuff, I can sort of laugh about it ruefully.  At the time it was going on, though, it was very distressing and hurtful.  It takes awhile to heal from such treatment... and sometimes it's fun to fantasize about revenge.

As for my potential "novel", I'm not sure if one based on this aspect of my life will ever materialize.  Maybe someday I'll write it once my laughing is less rueful.


  1. Hey, the main character might be based on the ex wife. She's definitely interesting.

    1. LOL... Now I see why Pat Conroy goes through major depression every time he writes a novel...


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