Saturday, August 23, 2014

Black sheep...

I think I am one of a couple of black sheep in my family.  That's kind of saying something, since no one in my family has really done anything totally embarrassing.  I mean, we've had a few people get DUIs and a few folks have been divorced.  I think I have one relative who went to drug rehab and one-- that being my father-- who went to alcohol rehab a couple of times.  But no one has really done anything to completely shame the family.

So the ones who get looked at as "black sheep" are the ones who don't really fit the mold of our southern, conservative, God-fearing family... those of us who are a little bit liberal or not at the perfect weight, or they're gay, or swear a lot...  those who don't go to church or, heaven forbid, don't believe in God...

I have written about this issue before because it bugs me.  I can't stand fake people and there are a number of them in my family.  Those are the people who will be very nice to you to your face and act like they love you, but then show you in certain ways that they disapprove of you.  I have a cousin who is especially adept at doing this.  She will be "honey lippin'", as Dr. Phil puts it, and sweet as pie when she's talking to you.  But then you'll see and hear her doing other things that indicate that her words don't match her feelings.

I'll be honest.  It hurts my feelings when someone doesn't like me.  But I would rather someone tell me they don't like me than stab me in the back.  If I know you don't like me, I will stay away from you.  Of course, if you tell me you don't like me, I won't like you back.  And maybe that's what the issue is with these folks.  They can't stand the idea of someone not liking them.  

I guess, for me, it's just better not to waste time being fake.  No one is going to be liked by everyone.  Even my sweet Bill, who is a lovely, lovely man, has people who don't like him.  His own daughters hate his guts (though I think they are dipshits for hating him).  A lot of people don't like me.  I don't like not being liked but it is what it is.  I can live with it.  And maybe my family members are ashamed that we happen to share common bloodlines and they don't like someone they share blood with.

But I find it so much more offensive when someone pretends to like me and then shits on me behind my back.  The prospect of going to Virginia for Thanksgiving is kind of daunting for me because I know I will run into this shit.  And I kind of have to be there this year because my dad died and if I don't show up, it will look really bad.

Oh, I know.  There's a voice in my head telling me I don't HAVE to go.  And I have already proven many times that I won't go if I don't want to.  But I know if I don't go this time, my mom will be very upset.  And, under the circumstances, I feel like I owe this to her.  But I still don't want to hang out with some of these people and I fear it may be a struggle to be civil to some of them, especially my sister.

I would rather be around people who want to be around me and don't want me to change.  Moreover, some of the snooty people in my family don't seem to realize that those of us with sharper tongues come by it honestly.  There were quite a few spicy folks in the generations before us.  My very genteel Granny had a notoriously crude mother herself.  Granny used to recite some of the funny little rhymes her mother used to say... they weren't original, but they were definitely bawdy and brassy.

I guess, what I'm getting at is that sometimes people act like they are the only ones who have a right to be offended... and it's usually over really stupid shit, as a lot of family spats are.  And I feel like I'm getting too old for it and would rather hang out by myself.  At the same time, if I don't go to Virginia, I will probably be rather bitter, because it's my dad who is being honored and I have a perfect right to be there.  So we'll go... or I will go.  And hopefully, nothing really bad will happen.             

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