Monday, July 28, 2014

Why can't I have a normal life?

This has been the month from hell.  This morning, Bill tried to pay for shipping our cars with my credit card, which has a huge limit and plenty of room left on it.  It should have been a simple transaction, but the damn card was declined.  I'm sure it's a simple issue that will be rectified with relative ease.  Still, it annoys me that we have to deal with it.  It annoys me that we have to spend so much money we don't have to get to the one place that seemed interested in giving Bill a job... a place that is thousands of miles away.  I love Germany; I really do... I'm just sick of this process and we're not even halfway through it.  Why couldn't we find a place in Texas?  I mean, we'd be moving anyway... but we wouldn't be dealing with all this logistical shit.

Musical interlude.  This song sums up my feelings right now.

Why can't I be a normal person living in a normal place with a normal job?  I know... I would get bored doing that.  I like living abroad.  I don't like the logistics of moving abroad.  It's bad enough when the Army pays for it and arranges everything.  It really sucks when you have to do it yourself.

I think Zane senses the tension.  This morning, I was talking to Bill and I know I sounded irritated.  Part of the reason we have to use my credit card is because Bill let his ex wife ruin his finances.  He has recovered from that, except for the fact that he doesn't have as much credit as I do.  Ridiculous, isn't it?  He makes the money, but I have more credit.  So big purchases usually fall to me and then we pay them off.  This time, my credit card needs to handle moving our cars.  I was bitching about that and no doubt sounding upset.

Zane started whining, acting like he was hungry or something.  Turns out he just wanted to play.  I think he sensed us arguing and decided to distract us with a play session.  He doesn't like it when I get upset.  He's very sensitive.  It's possible that he was just bored, but I think he wanted to get us to lighten up.  

This is what I should do, right?  Turn it off...

We'll get through this.  I just wish it would end already.  In a month, I may be less tense.  I may be living in a new house or a hotel room.  But we'll be in Germany... probably still driving a rental car as we try to keep the dogs from annoying people.  Moving to Germany sucks.  Being there is awesome, though... and it's probably worth all this grief.  At the very least, Bill has a job and it will pay enough... at least for the first year, right?

In a few days, we'll get retirement pay for the first time, which is a nice thing.  It would have been nice if we'd gotten it July 15th.  Maybe I wouldn't be so fucking tense right now if that had happened.  

July 2014 in review...

1.  My dad goes into the hospital for emergency gallbladder surgery.  It fucks up what's left of his health and we have to race to Virginia to see him one last time.  It's not a bad trip, though it is a bit stressful because of how weird death makes people.

2.  My dad dies.

3.  Property managers threaten us with $50 charges because we dare to ask for a couple of days without showings.  We get bombarded with showings because this house is overpriced and sucks.    

4.  Bill doesn't get his official hire letter until a couple of weeks into July, at which point we realize that the move is going to be partly funded on our dime... which we don't have, because we didn't get Bill's retirement check.  Fortunately, we have my CD, which I started saving a couple of years ago and doesn't quite cover the cost of sending our cars to Germany, but we have to live on it because Bill hasn't been paid yet.

5.  Moving just flat out sucks, regardless of where you're moving to.  I haven't been feeling well this month, either.

6.  These are all first world problems, but they still stress me out.

Perspective...  I need it.


  1. I've been, for different reasons, in a similar "life sucks" mode for over a month, so i can relate, though not to the death of a parent. That is something i have yet to experience and hope not to for awhile.

    My mom's best friend's family is fighting over a baby blanket that was made by the late grandmother for her only granddaughter's first baby, but either the grandmother was playing games because she always enjoyed watching her daughters argue or the grandmother of the new baby-to-be, who is not the child of the granddaughter but of a grandson, wanted HER grandchild to have it so she just took it. She forgot to take the note off when she wrapped it, which was pinned to the blanket, so when the mother-to-be opened it and saw the note reading in the late grandmother's writing "for XXXX's first baby," she didn't know what to think of it. My mom's friend just said, "It was just a mistake. Don't worry about it," because no one wants to make a pregnant woman feel bad.

    My mom's friend made a very quiet comment under her breath to the effect of "Even from the grave she's trying to cause arguments between us." She didn't say it anywhere near the baby's grandmother. Another sister, who's Mormon and likes to pretend they're all a good Mormon family and the parents were perfect Mormon parents even though she's the only Mormon in the family if you don't count dead dunks, got really mad. My mom's friend feels that one of two things happened: A) either her mother deliberately caused trouble by telling one person that the stupid blanket was for the only granddaughter's first child, and by telling someone else that it was for the first grandchild, whoever produced it; or B) the baby-to-be's grandmother wanted the blanket for her grandchild so much she was willing to essentially steal it, but forgot to take the note off when she wrapped it.

    It's always not really about the object but about the principle. My mom's friend would like either an admission that the quilt really was intended for her daughter's first baby (but mistakes are sometimes made and we make the best of them) or an acknowledgment from someone else in the family that the grandmother was deliberately being deceptive.

    Or my mom's friend would be happy with, "This new mother will use it for her baby and her next baby, and then the girl for whose baby it was intended, who is younger, can then have it next when she gets around to having babies."

    As far as the Mormon sister, my mom's friend said she was very close to whispering, "Go fuck yourself" to her and very quietly walking out, but she was afraid the Mormon sister would make a scene right in the middle of the gift opening, and she didn't want to do that to the mother-to-be.

    She was all the more upset because she had spent over $200 in gifts from the registry (which no one held a gun to her head and forced her to do) that she really couldn't afford because of hospital bills from a horrible case of ulcerative colitis that insurance wouldn't cover, and one of the gifts was so heavy that she dropped it and flipped over it onto her head and shoulder in the parking lot. One car full of girls slowed down to laugh at her, but no one offered help. Finally a young couple walked by and offered to carry the heavy gift, but she was feeling like hell before she even got into the restaurant where the shower was held.

    She hopes never to see the Mormon sister again. Her husband hates the Mormon sister as well.

  2. Ugh...sounds like a ridiculous drama. Fortunately, nothing like that is going on in my family in the wake of my dad's death. I did just invite my mom to Germany. I hope she'll visit. I think she'll love it.


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