Sunday, March 9, 2014

Speaking of sex...

Back in 2002, I bought a hilarious book called Sex Disasters.  While I can't say that I have ever experienced any of the situations outlined in the book, I can say it's a hilarious read.  And I enjoyed writing this book review back in 2003.  I'm reposting it here for posterity.

I shared this book with my older sister, Becky.  We had a big bonding moment over it.  I count discovering this book as one of the happier times in 2002.

Caught with your pants down? This book will be a big help!

 Sep 22, 2003 (Updated Sep 23, 2003)
Review by    is a Top Reviewer on Epinions in Books
Rated a Very Helpful Review

    Pros:Addresses all kinds of hairy sexual situations. Authors asked experts how to solve problems.

    Cons:Might be too graphic for some people. Not that well organized. 

    The Bottom Line:Don't unzip your trousers until you've read this book!

    Warning- This review contains frank sexual content. If this kind of stuff offends you, please skip this review!

    Last summer, while wandering around the Border's in Fredericksburg, I happened to gaze upon a paperback book with a picture of a pair of sock and shoe adorned male legs wearing a pair of gathered pants dropped around them. Intrigued, I moved closer to see what the title of a book with such interesting cover art might be. Aha! Charles Moser's, Ph.D. and Janet W. Hardy's Sex Disasters and How to Survive Them (2002) was the object of my interest. This had to be good, I thought to myself, as I opened the book and immediately beheld a crudely drawn picture of a dripping condom with a couple of lightening bolts strategically positioned over it. I smiled slowly... heh heh heh... I hate to admit it, but this is my kind of book!

    I love funny, factual, ribald books that offer to teach me new stuff while still entertaining me. And I'm certainly not above laughing at crude body humor at all. I like gross humor, and some might think that makes me immature. This book is full of gross humor. But it's also full of a lot of great information that may very well save someone's... ahem... well, you get the idea. Think of it as a "Worst Case Scenario" for the sexual arena. The authors have teamed up with lawyers, doctors, EMTs, cops, veterinarians, therapists, and sex educators to help readers deal with all sorts of nasty surprises that can arise during the glorious act of sexual intercourse. Speaking of which, here are a few scenarios that are addressed in this handy gem of a book.

    *I can't get this cock ring off! What follows is advice on how to get the device off of that, ahem, part of the body without doing permanent damage to the male anatomy. The authors have consulted doctors from emergency rooms so that readers will know when they can do the job themselves and when a visit to the hospital is in order.

    *Ewww, look at these sheets! Here, readers learn how to remove stains effectively so that their linens aren't ruined. One can find out how to get out all sorts of body fluids, from blood to semen to urine to feces. Handy information to know, even if you didn't get the stains on your sheets from having sex!

    *Well, she said she was eighteen! In this situation, the authors consulted a lawyer who provides readers with advice on what to do if it turns out their date isn't as old as he or she presented themselves to be.

    *I think my cat ate a used condom! You guessed it... a veterinarian was consulted in this case, so that readers will get expert advice on what to do if their beloved Fido or Fluffy gets ahold of something yucky.

    *Hey, where'd the condom go? Believe it or not, this is probably NOT a medical emergency! The authors tell you how to find the condom, even if it's, uh, not in the sheets somewhere.

    *But officer, it's just a little sex party... The authors tell you how to prevent a visit from the cops in the first place and what to do if they happen to show up at your door.

    There are, of course, a lot of other, even raunchier situations listed that I won't include here for obvious reasons. I think ya'll get the point, anyway, that this is a fun book if you're into books about sex. The book also contains useful sections aimed at men and women, such as "A Man's Guide to Menstruation" and "A Woman's Guide to Erections", as well as instructions on how to put on a condom. Those of you who are concerned about the mysteries pertaining to your partner's body may be happy to read these sections explaining body processes that not everyone experiences. The authors do a good job laying out what goes on with men and women in a layman's terms.

    I brought this book with me to my sister's house and she happened to read it after I finished it. She thought it was hilarious. I also thought the writing was very funny and witty and the fact that it was written by both a man AND a woman gives the book a little more credibility than if it were just written by someone of one gender. Sex disasters, after all, happen to everybody and since men and women have different plumbing, it's good to have representatives from both genders on hand to lend their expertise.

    Now for a few cons... if you're in the least bit a prude, this book probably won't appeal to you. It's quite graphic and the authors go ahead and use dirty language. Personally, that doesn't bother me, but it might offend some people with more delicate sensibilities. Others, who unlike me, have their minds out of the gutter, might say that it weakens the authors' case if they're trying to make a statement that this book should be taken seriously. After all, this book is written in anything but an academic style! However, this book was not written for academics. It was written for everyday people... people who might find themselves in these kinds of situations... people who are maybe just a tad irresponsible sometimes... people who get into a little mischief... people who are accident prone... people who like to party a little bit... and maybe those people would respond to a few cuss words and some graphic language regarding the act of sex. I think the authors were targeting the right audience. Prudish people probably wouldn't find themselves having trouble removing cock rings, anyway!

    Also, this book is not really organized. There's an index and a table of contents, and subjects are cross-referenced if they relate to another subject that is covered, but it's not like the book is laid out in an orderly fashion. On the other hand, at less than 200 pages, this is not a big book, and if you don't mind reading about this stuff, you'll probably read it straight through anyway. It's that entertaining!

    I think this is a great book and if you know of a swinging couple about to get married, it might make a good shower or bachelor party present! Shoot, it might even make a good wedding present! One never knows when or where a hairy situation might arise, especially within the bonds of matrimony!

    If you're a really liberal parent, you might even consider giving a copy of this book to your college student. It's pretty frank and gross, but let's face it, the information is accurate and it's written in a way that will speak to college students, especially the guys. You may not approve of your college aged kids having too good a time at school; but if they do party, at least if they have this book around, and they'll be informed of what to do if something bad happens. It's definitely something to think about. 


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