Saturday, March 1, 2014

Toilet Yoga...

I have to save this review for posterity.  Actually, the comments were more fun than the review was, but I do need to save this before it disappears…

Constipated? Try a few of these exercises on the throne...

 Jan 26, 2012 (Updated Jan 26, 2012)
Review by    is a Top Reviewer on Epinions in Books
Rated a Very Helpful Review

    Pros:Funny book.  May be useful.

    Cons:Only 34 pages. Only about the "yoga" moves. Expensive.

    The Bottom Line:Need to do number two?  You might want to spend some time doing toilet yoga.

    Not long ago, I was watching The Doctors, a daytime health based talk show.  One of the show's hosts was talking about constipation and mentioned a brand new book called Toilet Yoga: Because Sometimes Sh*t Doesn't Happen (2011).  Written by John Johnston and illustrated by Jeff Tow, this is a hilarious but helpful book for people who are trying in vain to take a decent crap.  Okay... so my hero, the late George Carlin, once famously commented that you don't take a crap, you leave one... but when you're constipated, either taking or leaving a crap can be very hard work!

    How this book came to be written

    At the beginning of Toilet Yoga, author John Johnston explains that when it comes to the bathroom, he and his wife Abbey Jo have an "open door policy".  One day, she came into the bathroom and observed her husband doing some peculiar stretches, "trying to drop the kids off at the pool".  After observing his wife almost bust a gut laughing, John Johnston's idea for a brand new kind of self-help book was born!

    Are the moves in this book actual yoga moves?

    Frankly, no, these moves are not actual yoga moves.  And the author is neither a fitness expert nor a trained athlete.  He's just a guy who has spent a lot of time on the toilet, trying to evacuate his bowels.  He is careful to explain all of this at the beginning of the book and remind his readers that they try these moves at their own risk.

    How is this book laid out?

    There are fifteen poses in Toilet Yoga.  Each pose is described in print and illustrated.  Each pose is also assigned a difficulty rating depicted in toilets.  For instance, the first move is called "Good Morning Sunshine".  It has been assigned a difficulty rating of one toilet.  Look to the left, and you see a yellow pile of poo.  That's the "steaming insight icon", which gives you extra information about the move.  On the right side of the page, there are illustrations that show how to do the "Good Morning Sunshine" move, an easy way to get things moving first thing in the morning.

    By contrast, a much more advanced move is the "Tightrope Walker", which is assigned five toilets on the difficulty scale.  Indeed, this particular move looks very complicated and is not one I'd want to try at home!

    Do these exercises work? They might work for you.  I notice that they mostly involve sitting on the toilet.  When I need to "get things going", I find it more effective to stand up and move around, giving gravity a chance to work and unkinking the works that lead down to the colon.  One thing that fans of western toilets might not know is that taking a dump is actually a lot harder when you sit.  If you really want an efficient method of pooping, you need to squat.  But most Americans and Europeans would rather sit to sh*t, which is partly why so many of us have trouble going when we need to.

    Johnston does not address any of the actual physical reasons why assuming certain poses might make pooping easier.  In fact, he focuses only on his stretches and moves.  That's why this book is only a mere 34 pages.  And it takes only minutes to read, because the print is in a generously sized font, which might make it easier to read if your eyes are teary from straining.

    Buying this book helps humanity...The people who brought you Toilet Yoga care about the world.  That's why ten percent of all profits from the sale of their book will be donated to Toilet Twinning, a charity that builds clean, safe, sanitary facilities to the millions of people in the world who don't have access to toilets.  This may seem like a goofy thing to raise money for, but considering that so many children around the world die of diarrheal diseases every year, it's actually a very worthy public health effort.  It may be hard for those of us fortunate enough to live in a wealthy country to believe, but diarrhea really does kill.

    This book is currently topical for my husband
    It so happens that my dear husband, Bill, has really been suffering this week, trying to take a proper dump.  He occasionally suffers from a touch of inflammatory bowel syndrome (IBS).  When I handed him this book last night, he got a huge smile on his face.  I have a feeling Toilet Yoga will soon be occupying a place in our bathroom.

    OverallToilet Yoga is a funny book.  It may or may not be helpful in loosening your bowels, but it's definitely fun to read.  Priced at $11.99, it's not an inexpensive read, especially considering it only consists of 34 pages.  But if you need a laugh and are in need of some handy toileting advice, Toilet Yoga might be just the thing to read.

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