Wednesday, February 26, 2014

An old book review...

This is another Epinions review I wrote in 2003.  I'm reposting it here because I can't believe I actually read this shit…

How to catch a single, professional male...

 Aug 21, 2003 (Updated Nov 25, 2004)
Review by    is a Top Reviewer on Epinions in Books
Rated a Very Helpful Review

    Pros:If you have half a brain, this book will make you laugh.

    Cons:This book was apparently written by three shallow jerks.

    The Bottom Line:Read it only if you want to be outraged.

    I was scouting my bookshelves today in search of a book to review and I found one that I'm almost embarrassed to own, What Men Want. Written in 1998 by Bradley Gerstman, Esq., Christopher Pizzo, CPA, and Rich Seldes, M.D., (got to be sure to get those PROFESSIONAL credentials in there and you'll soon see why this is important), this book promises to show women what it takes to make a man theirs. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I picked up this book. I think I was curious about what these guys had to say. Those professional credentials sure are impressive, to say the least, but really, what is it that men want women to know? I was itching to find out. So I bought the book and read it and here's what I learned.

    On the second page of the book, the guys write that they had helped their women friends figure out why their boyfriends had been blowing them off. They had "discussed everything from giving out their phone numbers to casual dating, from sex to commitment" (2). The guys said that their women friends were appreciative because their talks had given them a clearer view on why men act the way they do. Now the women could go out and improve their relationships with their guys... yippee skippy! These guys could start their own talk show now! The guys said that they were surprised that the women were so in the dark about what makes men tick when it seems like common sense to them. So they decided to do the women of the world a favor by writing this book on how to catch a "professional" league male... that is, a man who is a doctor, a lawyer, or an accountant. Tell me, ladies, how patronizing is that? Anyway, enough of my indignant ranting and raving. Let me give you a little more to think about.

    On page eight, the guys describe themselves and their areas of expertise on women and relationships. Welcome to the Dating Game

    Brad, the lawyer They call him the "player" of the trio. He's a sharp dresser. He's headstrong. He debates. He plays the field, but he's also had a few serious relationships. This is a guy who was an athlete and a scholar, and now he has his own law firm. Despite being tough on the outside, on the inside he's soft and cuddly.

    Chris, the accountant Mr. Romantic of the group. He's achieved great things against great odds. Raised by a single mother on a limited budget, Chris was destined to do well. After college, he passed the CPA exam, finished an MBA, and went to work at a big six accounting firm. Now he's a vice president of finance. He played football in college and when a long term relationship that started in college ended, he sucked it up and drove on and has been actively dating ever since. He's affectionate and open-hearted, and that leaves him vulnerable.

    Rich, the doctor Here's the intellectual among the guys. He's cultured, well-traveled, and likes the finer things in life. He was president of his college fraternity, a member of the football team, and a summa cum laude graduate. He's had trouble finding a woman who will give him the space and time to pursue his career, but for three years he's been dating Marla.

    Hmmm... these men don't exactly sound like the average guy. How many men do you know played football on their college team and accomplished all of those other things? How old are these guys? Are they for real? Anyway, they don't strike me as everyday guys, so why should I take their opinion as that of every guy's opinion? But enough about that... let's get to their advice to women.

    Here are ten facts about men (according to these three PROFESSIONAL guys)

    1. Women have more power over men than they know.
    2. Men appreciate women who take the initiative.
    3. Men are turned off by women who play hard to get.
    4. Men will take advantage of women who let them.
    5. When it comes to sex, men still believe in the double standard.
     (Men can have sex whenever they want, but women should be a lot more careful about what point in a relationship they let a man go to bed with them)
    6. Men are extremely jealous, so trying to inflame his jealousy will always backfire.
    7. Men's natural inclination is to have sex with many women.
    8. Men have a hard time interpreting women's talk.
    9. Men would rather be intimate than talk about it.
    10.The way to a man's heart is through his ego.

    Of course, these guys are right. This stuff is common sense. And after the guys printed each of these facts, they provided explanations of what they meant. I showed the ten facts to my husband and he agreed that they were mostly correct. But really, ladies, are any of these things a big surprise to you?

    In the next chapter, the guys provide advice about how to be approached by a man. Here are some of the things that guys don't like.

    Girls' Nights Out- the guys claim it's too hard to approach women when they're out with the girls. They say that if a woman sees a man she likes and she's out with the girls, she should always make the first move because a gaggle of women will be too intimidating for a guy to penetrate. What follows is some advice on how to meet a guy when you're out with the girls. Well, I'd like to tell these guys that when ladies are "out with the girls", they typically aren't looking to hook up. If they happen to see a guy they like, maybe this advice might come in handy, but I don't think most women tend to be as aggressive as men are. Of course, that's a generalization. There are exceptions. But when we're "out with the girls", chances are we're not looking for a man on that particular night.

    The Protective Friend: (aka: Policewoman Who Keeps Men at Bay)- Okay, I think I get this one. You have a well meaning friend who thwarts a would be suitor's attempts to get to know you. The guys advise that women should step away from the group and give him the chance to approach. Make it clear to your friend that you want to talk to the guy. Well... this is also obvious to anyone with half a noggin.

    The Live Wire:- (aka: being a drunk) Here, the guys advise us gals not to get sloppy drunk, lest we end up promiscuous and ruin our reputations. Their general advice is, "If you want a nice guy, you have to act like a nice girl..." duh! They write:

    A man wants a respectable partner, not an embarrassment. If you act like a live wire, sure you may have men all around you paying you a lot of attention, but believe us, this is not the kind of attention you want.

    This is sound, big brotherly advice to be sure... it's just a might bit patronizing though. And they make it worse by ending this section with this statement:

    Professional men do want girlfriends who know how to have fun, but we like women who know and understand where to draw the line. There is nothing more embarrassing for a professional man than to have a wild and crazy girlfriend on his arm, and to never know what stunt she is going to pull next. If you want to meet the professional man of your dreams-- and keep him-- it's not a good idea to play it like a live wire.

    Hmmm... pretty hard to swallow. They proceed to give advice on how not to get drunk and how not to appear like a slut. Again, anyone with half a brain should know this already. Anyone who doesn't have half a brain would not bother to read a book about how to act in public. In any case, I don't know what I was doing reading this ridiculous, insulting tripe. It did give me a good laugh, though.

    The rest of the book includes details about dating etiquette (including who should pay the check on dates), vacationing together, and sex. They even have a section that helps women determine if they're a "good for now girl" or if they're "wife material". Oh puh-leeze... By the way, the guys believe that a "professional man knows that chivalry is not dead." I think it's really cute the way these three guys who are pals that represent three professions presume to speak for ALL of the professional men in the world. They really are full of themselves, aren't they? And worst of all, they probably made some money off of this book and I helped them do it!

    There is one positive. If you don't know how to perform oral sex, these guys will teach you how to do it. There are actual directions on how to perform the act on your man. Seriously, this is a plus for the uninitiated. They even tell you what to do if you get tired. Sigh... and they reiterate again and again how important oral sex is to men and warn that if you don't do it well enough, often enough, or at all, your man might lose interest in you sexually. That may be true, but there's something about being told that in a book written by three smarmy yuppies with fancy degrees that just frosts my buns. Oh, and they also write that men like to give women oral sex too, but only if the women smell nice and are well groomed. Sheesh.

    I want to list the Ugly Truths the guys have included in Chapter 11. See if you agree with them and feel free to comment. Of course they've included explanations, which I won't include unless you ask.

    Ugly Truth Number 1: Men Use Women for Sex
    Ugly Truth Number 2: Men Cheat on Women They Love
    Ugly Truth Number 3: When a Man Says "I'm Not Ready for a Commitment" He Means "I'm Not Ready for a Commitment... With You"
    Ugly Truth Number 4: A Woman's Looks Are Almost Everything
    Ugly Truth Number 5: If Men Didn't Have to Marry, We Wouldn't

    I think this book really sucks. It's good for a laugh, but as far as offering any new insights into a man's psyche, I think it misses the boat. I mean, who needs to read this book? People who are somewhat intelligent know most of this stuff already. People who are not smart enough to get this stuff on their own probably can't be helped by a book. And for the record, I don't agree with the ugly truths. If they were true, I wouldn't be married (to a professional man, no less) and my husband's ex wife certainly would not have been able to marry three times. Moreover, if those guys actually believe the ugly truths, I don't have any faith that they're really nice guys. And if the ugly truths were really true, who would want to bother with men in the first place? 


    1. I used to think I had to finish every book I started. I've since decided that my time is too valuable to read anything I neither have to read nor want to read.

      1. Well, I have to admit, that book made me laugh.


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