Thursday, December 12, 2013

A post especially meant to entertain Alexis...

Since Alexis is laid up and needs entertainment, I figure I oughta write a funny post just for her…

Tonight, I have been in a silly mood.  And that led me to think about Spencer's Gifts.  I hadn't thought of Spencer's Gifts in ages.  When I was a kid, though, I used to go there all the time.  Every mall had one and they were chock full of raunchy gag gifts for people with filthy minds like mine.  They had posters, keychains, fiber optic lights, beer bongs, and novelty gifts galore…

When I was about 17, I bought a Moonie for my dad's piece of shit Chevy S-10, which he let me drive once I learned how to drive a stick shift…


This thing was a total waste of money, by the way… but it was kind of fun for about an hour or two.  I put it on the back window of the truck and could squeeze a bulb to make the doll drop its pants.  I recall it breaking fairly quickly, but I love a few good cheap yuks…

Spencer's also had a section that… uh… wasn't supposed to be browsed by people under age 18.  I remember one time, as a teen, I got busted for looking at things like love potion and "Fundies"…



I never quite got the concept of "Fundies"… they certainly don't look comfortable or functional, but they must have been good sellers because you can still buy them today.  The section also had "love cuffs"…


And they had flavored stuff intended to enhance lovemaking…  I was too young to be looking at that stuff, but I was old enough to look at the cheap but cool jewelry, the naughty cards and t-shirts and posters, and the cheesy lava lamps and shit.  Hell, I almost even got my ears pierced at Spencer's.  They'd supposedly do it for free.  But you had to be 16 before they would do it.  Mom ended up taking me to a local gift shop instead when I was 11.  She didn't get her own ears pierced until she was in her 50s.  

I bought an ex boyfriend a "Stress Ball" at Spencer's.  It was basically latex and you were supposed to squeeze it when you needed relief.  I can't find a photo of the one I actually bought for him, but I see they are still available in any number of incarnations.  I see someone even made one in the shape of a boob.

After a cursory check of their Web site, I see they also have lots of sex toys available online.  I'm sure some of it is of dubious quality…  I also remember they sold coffee cups that had either tits or ass on them…  The one featuring a butt said "bottoms up" on it…



Yes, I spent many enjoyable hours shopping at Spencer's, though I rarely actually bought stuff there.  The truth is, Spencer's catered to people with dirty minds and raunchy senses of humor.  I certainly fit the bill, but lacked funds in my teen days.  And now there's Amazon, where no one will bust you for looking at the naughty section.  Also, I have come to appreciate quality… and while Spencer's is fun to browse in, I have yet to find a lot of quality among their novelty gifts…  If I'm going to buy a crop, I'll buy one from a horsey tack shop, thanks…  When I was a teen, I actually owned a crop.  Now I don't anymore, but I do have handcuffs… the real deal made by Smith and Wesson.  Try finding those at Spencer's...

On the other hand, I did find some fun keychains there…


I used to have a keychain that had this on it…

Yeah… it was a classy place to be.  I miss the 80s and I miss being young.  But someone did remind me of this tonight…



And given the fact that I have taken up porn writing again, it may be something worth pondering...

3 comments:

  1. Knotty, I'm having trouble finding the porn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I might have to add you to the approved readers list, which is currently empty. Give me a minute.

      Delete
    2. Okay… I sent an invite to your AOL address.

      Delete

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