Wednesday, October 9, 2013

An open letter to Michelle Duggar...

*Please indulge me.  I know it's kind of sanctimonious to write "open letters" because they are usually used to call people out.  However, I just read yet another article about JimBoob and Michelle Duggar "trying to get pregnant" with their 20th child and I have to get this off my substantial chest.  What better place to do that than on my self-indulgent blog?  This is going to be offensive and snarky, so if you don't like that, you should probably move on to the next spot on the Web.*

Dear Michelle Duggar,

Are you nuts?  I mean, really... are you high?

I know that some of this nonsense that has come out about you and JimBoob having a 20th child is just buzz creating bullshit for the masses.  We all know your reality show is not as interesting as it used to be, when your womb was in a continual state of fecundity.  Your kids are getting older and so are you.  I can understand on one level why you'd want one more kid "for the road".  But seriously?   Were you not conscious during your last two pregnancies?

When you were pregnant with "tiny precious Josie", you had to have an emergency C-section because you had gallstones that were making your blood pressure skyrocket.  When you were pregnant with Jubilee Shalom, who was supposed to be #20... (or was she really #21, since you had a miscarriage when you were younger)... you ended up losing her to a miscarriage.  You had a funeral for Jubilee, remember?  Do you not count her as one of your babies anymore?

You still have quite a lot of kids who are still kids and need you to be there for them, even if they are being raised by their sisters.  You have done your part to go forth and populate the earth.  Why can't you just enjoy being a mother and a grandmother?  You have nineteen beautiful, healthy, and basically normal children who seem to worship you, at least when the cameras are rolling.  Neither you-- nor the rest of the world, really-- needs another Duggar originating from your overused womb.  Let someone else take the torch, preferably one of your poor adult daughters who still have to share a dorm room with their toddler aged sisters.  It looks like the only way they will ever escape that room is through marriage to some fundie guy who will want to start their own baby factory.

And forget about adoption, too, please.  Adopted kids have to deal with enough identity issues without being the one kid that wasn't one of the "each and every one of the nineteen" babies who sprang forth from your birth canal or abdomen.  Um no.  Nineteen is plenty of kids.  Don't put some poor child through having to be the odd one out in your family.  And don't use that kid as a reason to adopt more kids.

Can you imagine being the poor child adopted by your family?  Mom couldn't birth a 20th child on her own, but decided come hell or high water, she was gonna have that 20th kid.  So she adopts... and that one kid ends up being the only one who doesn't have Duggar blood.  Of course, you'll realize this and decide, at age 50 or older, that you ought to adopt more... until you are changing both the baby's diapers and your own and Boob's.

Scratch that.  Knowing you, it'll be one of the Duggar girls you birthed who will be pulling that disgusting duty... even though they are young, beautiful, healthy, and ready to launch their own lives.

I know you see babies as "God's gifts".  Well, haven't you heard of the concept of greed?  Doesn't it seem greedy to keep expecting God to give you gifts in the form of babies?  What about all the other gifts in your life?  You have so much.  You have money, fame, a loving family (at least when the cameras are rolling), and your health.  You are still able-bodied and attractive enough for TV.  I understand that the prospect of getting old isn't very appealing, but everybody goes through it.  You should be glad you didn't die while trying to birth Josie.  In another time, you and Josie very well might have lost your lives before little Jubilee was a spark in JimBoob's dick.

Also, have you ever considered how offensive it is to infertile women when you keep crowing about how God blesses you with kids?  What, exactly, should childless women take from that message?  What about those of us who can't get pregnant quickly and easily, for whatever reason?  Are we supposed to assume that God doesn't love us because we haven't been gifted with a baby?  Or are we to assume that God loves you more, because you have been gifted with so many?  Of course, you did lose two of them to miscarriage, so what was God trying to tell you then?

Please understand, I don't mean to be cruel.  I would not wish miscarriage on anyone, even a woman who has as many kids as you do.  I'm certain that it's a terrible thing to have to go through.  I'm sure that you grieved deeply for those two lost children, one of whom you actually got to see and buried in an actual casket.  But I would think that if you think God is telling you something by giving you babies, you might realize that God might be telling you something else when you have a miscarriage, have to "try" so hard to get pregnant, and then start talking about adoption.  Hey Michelle... did you ever think there might be other people who would like to be adoptive parents?  Have you ever had the notion that maybe God wants you to do something else with your time and talents?  How 'bout raising your own kids instead of making your daughters do it?

Did it ever occur to you that as reality TV stars, there are actually people in the world who look up to you and Boob?  Do you really think it's responsible to keep trying to spawn when your life was in danger after the last pregnancies?  Do you honestly think that the Earth can sustain a whole of lot people following your example?  I know you don't believe in over population.  Maybe you're right that technically, the Earth isn't overpopulated.  There are places on Earth where few people live.  Antarctica comes to mind.  So does Siberia.  And Wyoming...  But if everyone did what you and Boob have done, the Earth would quickly be really overpopulated.  As Kurt Vonnegut wrote of in his classic story about overpopulation, "Welcome to the Monkey House", we'd all be packed in like "drupelets".  Don't know what a drupelet is?  Look it up.  The mental exercise will do you some good.

The status of your womb is not officially my business.  I get that.  But when you and your boob husband keep popping up on my news feed, I can't help but learn about it.  And as long as your uterus is in the news, you kind of make your family planning choices everybody's business.  You give other people the right to comment on your choices.  It's the nature of the beast of being famous.

Just give it up.  Cross your legs and take up a hobby.  Go on vacation.  Be a mentor to your kids.  Be a grandmother to your grandkids.  Just quit it with the babymaking quest.  Board up that womb and hang a "no vacancy" sign on it.  You've done your part to bring souls to the Earth.  It's time to find a new passion and start accepting more of God's gifts in your life.  Quit talking about having another kid.  Grow up and grow older gracefully...  There's more to life than birthin' babies.

While you're at it, watch this classic "open letter"...  


  1. Amen, Sistah! I second everything you've written. I do feel sorry both for th4e Duggar daughters and for the siblings they're raising. Children deserve to be raised by parents, not brothers and sisters. i've seen how it has played out multiple times in my dad's family, and the results are not pretty.

    1. I just feel sorry for the youngest kids... They have turned into publicity pawns. It's sickening.

    2. Glad you enjoyed it! I enjoyed writing it!

  2. I am very very good mum I got a son who is 15 Michelle duggars should take lessons from me how to take care her children and I do work has a carer for my very ill husband who needs 24 hours care


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