Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Anthem of defecation...

*Warning-- today's post involves a description of doggy defecation.  Don't read if you're particularly squeamish.*

When I was in college, I was a member of a choral group.  One of the pieces we performed during my senior year was called "Anthem of Dedication".  It was a long, dramatic piece of music.  I think our choral director had performed it when he was a student at Westminster Choir College and now he was visiting the same reality on our choir.  It was actually kind of a lovely piece... very regal and stately... the kind of thing you'd hear at a baccalaureate ceremony, in church, or at a graduation.  Anyway, I was an even bigger smartass back then than I am today.  So I rewrote the lyrics to the "Anthem of Dedication" and renamed it "Anthem of Defecation".  

I was a member of an honorary music fraternity... Sigma Alpha Iota.  And I had a "little sister" whom I'd actually met during the very first days of our respective college careers in August 1990.  We were suitemates one year and remain friends to this day.  I had completely forgotten about the "Anthem of Defecation"  That's unlike me.  I usually remember everything to the point of being very annoying, but as I get older, I guess stuff gets erased from my memory.  She brought it up not too long ago... and then this morning, I was again reminded of it because of my dog, Arran.

I was sort of in a dream state, having a dream that I had just done a SeaDream cruise and was about to embark on a Seabourn cruise for a second week.  In my dream I was excited because I had never been on a Seabourn cruise (and I haven't in real life, either).  I dreamt that was lying on a bed with one of my dogs, both of whom were inexplicably allowed to cruise with my husband and me.  Bill had gone off to get our room keys while I lay on the bed, clad in just my underwear (again, it's a weird dream).  We were docked at a strange port and from the portholes in the holding area, I could see a bunch of huge kangaroos in a fenced enclosure, bouncing around.  I was fascinated by them.  I had heard kangaroos were kind of mean and wondered if they were about to fight...  And these kangaroos were really big.  They reminded me a little of dinosaurs...

Suddenly, I was jarred out of my dream by Arran, who had leapt off the bed in a panic.  He was hopping around on the floor, crying a little bit.  I thought maybe he'd hurt one of his hind legs.  My other dog, Zane, was also concerned.  He also jumped off the bed and acted like he wanted to help him somehow.  For a moment, I was really worried that Arran was seriously injured somehow and in my sleep fogged mental condition wasn't quite understanding what was going on.

And then I recognized what the problem was.  I could see that there was a small turd hanging by a hair out of Arran's butt.  The hair was attached to a larger turd, also working its way out of his ass.  He suddenly stopped, assumed the shitting position, and took a dump on my bedroom floor.  *SIGH*

I quickly cleaned it up, realizing that at least now, I don't have to worry about trying to get Arran to poop outside.  He's been doing a lot better with that lately.  And I was also grateful that he didn't just lie on the sheets and poop the bed.  He has done that in the past, too.  For some reason, sometimes pieces of crap just come out of his butt while he sleeps.  It doesn't happen often, but it has happened more than once since we got him in January.

Anyway, after I cleaned up Arran's mess, I recalled the "Anthem of Defecation".  Perhaps I will rewrite it again today.

Good thing he's so cute!

ETA:  My friend Donna posted this on my Facebook in honor of my birthday...

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