Sunday, May 26, 2013

It's been a stressful week...

Okay, given that we were in Athens a week ago, it's been more of a weird week than a stressful one.  Actually, it's been kind of a stressful month.  Traveling is exhausting, even though it's supposed to be fun and relaxing.  Going overseas on an airplane can be particularly difficult, given the packed conditions of airplanes these days and the fact that so many people are totally oblivious to other people.  I found a funny video the other day that points out how people can be more courteous on airplanes.  I will post it on my travel blog, along with the very sad story of our re-entry to the United States.

When we left on May 5th, I was on the rag.  The following week, I was still on the rag, even though my periods don't usually last longer than four days.  For some reason, Aunt Flow was especially bitchy this month.  Then, as soon as my period left, I got sick with a cold.  I spent a good portion of time on our ship coughing, sneezing, blowing my nose, squawking and throwing up.  Actually, I threw up less on this trip than I did on our prior trips, though I still did puke a bit.  It wasn't from seasickness as much as it was violent coughing that turned into retching.  I'm mostly over the cold, except for the residual coughing and mucous that always comes after a cold.  I took a nap yesterday, though.  The virus I picked up really made me feel fatigued.

Once we got home, I had lots of chores to catch up on and lots of potential houses to screen as we plan our move to Texas.  And then I got into a pissing match on my blog after my husband discovered a long lost text on his phone from his stepmother.  I know a lot of people read this blog for whatever reason and I know that divorce and being a child of divorce is tough for everyone involved.  I had actually finally been moving on... but every time we're about to move on, something else comes up.  I vent about it on my blog because I figure that's what blogs are for.  I realize that some people think it's not "classy" for me to air my dirty laundry.  But since this blog is for me, I figure I have the right to air my dirty laundry if I want to.  If it offends you, you're welcome to move on to the next site.  

I don't feel like I should necessarily have to defend myself on my blog, and yet for some reason I still do.  Despite appearances to the contrary, my husband and I have tried to do the best we can with the cards we were dealt.  We're basically good, decent people.  My husband, in particular, is a really good guy with the very best intentions.  If you knew him, you'd easily see that.  He didn't want to abandon his kids.  His career is the Army, though, and that means moving often.  And if you have to live far away and your kids won't answer the phone or letters or speak to you when you visit them in person, it becomes very hard to maintain a relationship with them.  It's even harder not to become embittered by those behaviors, which we both know were heavily encouraged by their mother and her husband.  I don't want to say he didn't have any choices in the matter... I will only say that he made the best choices he could under the circumstances after he made the colossal mistake of getting involved with his former wife in the first place.

As hateful as I can come across sometimes, I actually do have a big heart and the capacity to love and forgive.  I am very empathetic, given a chance.  But I have limits, too... especially when it comes to abuse.  In fact, I'd say that when it comes to tolerating abuse, I am pretty well saturated.  I don't put up with it very well.  I get tired of writing the same explanatory comments over and over again to people who happen to stumble across my post on Jessica McCord and leave nasty, accusatory comments.  Sometimes I feel like people look at me as a villain because I came along second in my husband's life.  The truth is, ten years ago I urged my husband to take legal action against his ex wife and try to save his kids from being raised by her.  But I was very naive back then and now I realize that given the circumstances we were in at the time, I don't see how he could have done anything more effective than what he did.  What I really wish is that my husband had never met his ex wife.  I really wish he'd had his kids with me.  He didn't, though, and we both have to live with that fact.

I'm just a regular person, trying to get through life like everyone else is.  Despite all that has happened, I've never been happier in my life than I am right now.  I found the right person.  I met and married him when he was free to meet and marry someone new.  It's disturbing to go through what we've been through and writing about it helps me.  

Anyway, this is my blog and I will continue to write whatever I feel like writing here.  If you like it or are inspired by it, that's good.  I'm glad.  I hope you will keep reading and leave me a comment if you wish.  If not, I hope you'll move on and find something more to your liking.  And I hope my next post is about something I saw on the news or Dr. Phil.

2 comments:

  1. Some people who find blogs are complete jerks. Most of the ones who leave negative comments on my blogsite are relatives, but a few might be disgruntled Mormons (I just LOVE it when they say I know nothing about their church; I know more about it than most of them do, even from their official sources) and or just really obnoxious people who make a hobby or career of writing ugly comments wherever they're allowed to post on the Internet.

    Keep writing.

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  2. Thanks Alexis. I guess, for me, it just seems odd that people think they know more about our situation than I do. It's especially funny to me when someone thinks they can impress me by claiming to be an academic, but then not giving me any proof... I'm not all that impressed by academics anyway, since a lot of times, it means they've spent their time in an ivory tower instead of reality. I mean, where does data come from? Real life, right?

    I think most people who leave me shitty comments are people who are children of divorce or disgruntled women who feel justified in alienating their kids from their fathers. I do have empathy for children of divorce, because I understand that they had no choice in being children of divorce. On the other hand, it seems unreasonable to me to expect your divorced parents not to have relationships after a split. I have a lot less empathy for women who deliberately forced their kids to lose contact with their fathers. I know my husband would have gladly maintained his relationship with his kids had his ex not been so hellbent on destroying it.

    And hell, Alexis, I have never been Mormon, but I probably know more about the LDS church than most active Mormons. Someone in your situation certainly isn't ignorant about Mormonism.

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