Monday, April 1, 2013

I've seen the light!

My husband's ex wife was right.  Mormonism is the pathway to glory in the eyes of Heavenly Father.  I have therefore decided that instead of moving to Texas, I will move to Provo, Utah, enroll at BYU, and start studying home economics.  I am also finally pregnant with twins, since I finally got right with God in the "one true church" ™.

I will learn how to can, become super crafty, and make a scrapbook.  I will quit drinking, stop showing my cleavage, and start attending church at all possible opportunities...  I will compel my exmo husband to get back with the program and assume his penishood position as head of our household.  I will start tithing ten percent of my gross income... and when I am worthy, I will don the so sacred underwear at all times.

And... if I should be so blessed to run into my husband's younger daughter at "The Lord's University", I will bow down behind her and kiss her ass for as long as she wants me to.  I've been so, so wrong...

That's right...  Darn it, I believe!

Betty Butterfield is my hero!

These women are my idols.

This is a pretty funny church video...


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