Monday, January 14, 2013

This is not the sunshine blog...

I'll admit, my blog is not full of sunshine, rainbows, and lollipops.  I've been writing this blog since 2010 and a large portion of it is dedicated to posts about my husband's ex wife and ex daughters.  I have a lot of unresolved angst about that subject and writing helps me process it somewhat.  Also, it really does boggle my mind that my husband has gone through what he has...

I must have been very sheltered growing up.  I never knew anyone who was estranged from a parent to the point at which they never spoke to them.  I did have friends whose parents were divorced, though most of them were products of parents who had divorced before they were born.  My own parents have been together since December 1957.  Growing up, I was happily unaware of parental alienation syndrome.

Since becoming my husband's second wife in 2002, I have been exposed to a really nasty fact of life.  Some adults are really teenagers who have never evolved beyond adolescence.  These people look like adults and may even be able to fool other people into thinking they're mature.  But when the shit comes down, they turn out to be incredibly selfish, mean-spirited, cruel people who are more interested in sticking it to their exes than doing what's best for the children or taking responsibility for their mistakes.

Today, I ran across a couple of comments left for me by two different people who read my post about Jessica McCord.  When I wrote that post last winter, I had no way of knowing it would end up being the most popular post on my blog.  Most people read it and move on; however, three people have read it and decided to turn the comment section into a place to shame me for what happened to my husband's relationship with his kids...

It always shocks me in an unpleasant way when I come face to face with people who lack empathy.  Very often, these people post on the Internet and show the world just how stupid and heartless they really are.  I wish some of these people wouldn't end up on my blog... I guess I've been lucky that there have been very few of them so far.  Still, it's very disheartening to see, even though I'm pretty sure most of these folks are just hurting because they were children of divorce.  

To those people, I will say I am truly sorry...  I know divorce sucks, not because I've been a child of divorce, but because I've been a second wife and stepmother.  I'm sure your pain is real and valid.  That being said, your perspective as a child of divorce is not the only one that matters, especially if you are now an adult.  You may not make yourself feel better by leaving derogatory comments here.  Do not assume you know my situation better than I do, even if you are a child of divorce.  Do not engage in name calling or personal attacks.  Do not engage in shaming, because karma can really be a bitch.

This is MY BLOG.  I'm not willing to put up with any more shaming comments on the subject of my husband's divorce on my blog.  Comments that are shaming will either be deleted or responded to... but if I do choose to respond, it will probably be in a way that will make you wish you'd never even seen my blog.

I am happy to respond to respectful comments or questions.  I may even respond civilly to indignant comments, as long as they are presented in a sincere way.  But I will not tolerate assholes who come on MY BLOG to shame, belittle, or sit in self-righteous judgment of a situation that they know absolutely nothing about and doesn't affect them personally.  Enough is enough.  If you can't be civil, DO NOT COMMENT.    


  1. Various members of my dad's family communicate only on a very limited basis with their parents. Oddly (or not oddly) enough, the common denominator here is the LDS Church.

    People who have nothing better to do than to post unpleasant comments on others' blogs are either socially maladjusted or are single-issue beings whose lives revolve around that one facet of their lives. I both scorn and pity such people.

  2. P.S. I may at some point borrow your idea and rename my blog "The Sunshine Blog," which it is so not. I think the irony of it would bother my parents.

  3. P.P.S. Or perhaps I'll oneday start another blog, about God only knows what, and call it "The Sunshine Blog."

  4. Well, in my husband's ex kids' case, I think this would have happened whether they were in the church or not. Ex and the kids are all converts and she did this to her son before they were church members. The church just made a very handy tool for her nastiness.

    I think the people most likely to leave shitty comments are people who are either alienating their kids from a parent or people who feel abandoned by a parent... or self-righteous people who don't know anything about having a toxic ex spouse. In any case, I think it's very sad when people lack empathy or even the ability to try to see a different perspective.

    I think it would be very cool if you started "The Sunshine Blog"... If I did, it would be nothing but snarkiness, though...


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