Friday, September 7, 2012

Forced to be a father?

This morning, I fully intended to write a fun post about those annoying and tacky Colonial Penn life insurance ads where cafeteria workers stand around discussing the financial particulars of a friend whose wife suddenly passed away.  But then I started watching Dr. Phil...

Seriously, folks, I need to stop watching this show.  I know the producers make a serious effort to bring people on who are repulsive and controversial.  This morning, I was hit with a double whammy.

The first show, which I only caught about twenty minutes of, thank GOD, was about a 30 year old woman with two kids who had sex with a 19 year old guy.  Right after they had sex, they decided they had to get married.  The lad's eight brothers and sisters were all opposed to the wedding plans and went on Dr. Phil to say so.

I have to say, the woman involved in this situation was certainly not very appealing.  She came across as a bully with a serious lack of common sense.  She was also not very attractive...  I mean, she was perfectly average looking in terms of her looks, but she had a very unpleasant personality.  And the 19 year old guy she planned to marry came off as not being too bright.

As if that wasn't rotten enough, the next show was about a guy who claims he was forced to be a father by his ex girlfriend.  He says he told his ex girlfriend that he didn't want to be a dad.  She said she had some condition that made it impossible for her to get pregnant.  But lo and behold, the woman got pregnant and had a baby.  Then she demanded child support.  So this guy tries to sue and his case got thrown out of court twice.  Loudmouth women's rights attorney Gloria Allred was there, pontificating about how everything should be about the child.  I have ranted about this subject before, but I think it bears repeating...

I have to say, I definitely empathized with this guy and I thought his lawyer, Mel Fite, who had attended the Dr. Phil taping with him, made a lot of sense.  However, I still think that those who don't want to have kids need to keep it in their pants or take measures to ensure that they can't be parents.  I say this not because I don't think men should have rights, but because it's so clear that in a court of law, they will end up losing their shirts.

When it comes to having kids, men usually do get the short end of the stick.  They are expected to pay and often end up losing their visitation rights.  Or even if they get visitation rights, their kids grow up and decide they don't want to have anything to do with their father.

Dr. Phil's next guests were a married couple who had two kids.  Two years into their marriage, the guy's ex girlfriend stuck him for child support of a child they didn't know she had.  There was a paternity test and, yes, he was the dad.  So he pays for a kid he doesn't know and has no desire to know.  The guy's wife was rightfully pissed about this situation and clearly resented the financial burden.  I can't say I blame her, either... except again, I think that men who don't want to have kids should keep it in their pants or get fixed.  Dr. Phil then read a letter from the ex girlfriend who said she wouldn't go on his show unless he paid her $5000.  It's pretty obvious what she's all about.  Mom of the year, indeed!

As a woman, I definitely can see both sides of the situation.  I have a sense of fairness and I don't think men should be forced to be dads.  After all, we don't force women to be mothers... and as long as abortion is allowed, that will always be so.  However, most people know how babies are made.  I don't know what it's like to be a guy and have no understanding of what compels them to want to have sex with women they're not serious about.  Besides, if we make it easy for men to opt out of parenthood, I imagine there would be a lot of guys not paying child support.

I can only speak for myself in saying that the only man I have ever been with and wanted to be intimate with has been my husband.  But I understand that other people like having sex for fun with different people.  Sex leads to babymaking, though... and if you're not prepared to deal with babymaking, you probably shouldn't be having sex.  Or you should take measures to make yourself sterile.  While it would be nice if there weren't women out there who take advantage of the guys they have babies with, the fact is, if you screw someone, you might end up screwed.  So be careful with your sperm, guys.  Because if she gets pregnant, you're going to be on the hook.


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