Sunday, April 22, 2012

Thought for the day... It's not a punishment to be shunned by assholes...

This entry is liable to be raunchy.  Skip it if you have delicate sensibilities...

Some time ago, I blogged about the practice of shunning.  Shunning is when a friend, family member, or business associate suddenly starts giving you "the cold shoulder".  They refuse to associate with you in any way.  They stop talking to you, taking your phone calls, or visiting.  You are, in effect, cut out of their lives.

I have never really been shunned by anyone I care that much about.  My husband, on the other hand, has been shunned by his two daughters.  Their decision to shun him has been very hurtful.  Watching this loving man being shunned by two people he loves more than anything in the world has made me pretty angry.  And since I have no positive emotional ties to these young women, I can be pretty blunt about how I feel about them.  Luckily, my husband recognizes my right to have an opinion.

Last night, we were watching TV and I suddenly said, "You know, it's really not a punishment to be shunned by assholes."

My husband nodded in agreement.  I posted the same thought as my Facebook status and immediately got several "likes".  In fact, it seems a lot of people agree with my sentiment.

In my opinion, anyone who would use shunning as a means to control other people is a massive asshole.  Think about it.  Shunning is an incredibly arrogant thing to do.  The only way shunning can work is if the object of the shunning actually cares about the person doing the shunning.  My husband's daughters know their father loves and cares about them.  So they knew that shunning him would be very hurtful.  But over the years, my husband's once soft feelings toward his daughters have started to harden.  He still loves and cares about them, but he's now not so ready to open his heart to them if and when they decide to stop shunning him.  They violated his trust and have acted like assholes.  And who needs another asshole in their lives, let alone two?

I reminded my husband what having his two kids in his life would mean.  First and foremost, it would mean having contact with his ex wife, the head asshole.  What else would you call a woman who constantly uses her children as weapons to control others?  This woman has lied, manipulated, and abused innocent people to perpetuate her own narcissistic fantasies of unlimited power and admiration.  I think she is an asshole of the very first order and she has raised her children to be assholes.  I only wish that my husband had thought twice before he had sex with his ex wife... or better yet, her parents had thought twice before they had sex.

There's no one else in my life who brings out these feelings of utter disgust and rage in me.  Even though I know what the ex did ultimately could have been worse, I really think the only reason it wasn't worse is because she is a coward who lacks the intelligence and tenacity to make her wrath more devastating.  It's enough that she abused my husband and his family.  They are good, decent people who don't deserve having to live with the legacy of my husband's unfortunate lapse in judgment twenty years ago.  I don't use the "c-word" that often, but I do feel perfectly justified in using it where that horrible woman is concerned.  Her actions fit the moniker.

The fact that my husband's daughters shun their father is disappointing... However, the fact that they shun instead of having the courage to work out their issues means that they probably aren't high quality people anyway.  The last thing my husband needs is more personality disordered, high-maintenance, asshole people in his life.  And if they think they are punishing him by shunning him, I would submit that people who shun have an incredibly skewed image of themselves.  There are so many people in the world to be with.  Why bother wasting time with those who decide to shun?


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