Tuesday, December 6, 2011

An open letter to my stepchildren...

Dear long lost stepdaughters,

Well, we've finally reached the point at which both of you are now legal adults.  That means you are free to do whatever you want with your lives, although I suspect you're so tightly chained to your mother's apron strings that you don't realize how free you finally are.  Make no mistake about it.  I don't like either of you.  It's not because you remind me that my husband has a past.  It's not because I resent you for being born.  It's because you have treated your father and his family with utter contempt.

I realize that you were hurt when your parents were divorced.  I know you have been told a lot of stories about what kind of person your father is.  I know your mother has told you what kind of person I am, even though she has never even met me.  Although on some level, I understand that you were raised in a vacuum and have never been taught to use critical thinking skills, I still very much dislike both of you for your cruelty and contempt.  Had you just directed it at me, I might have been a lot more understanding, even though I have done nothing but marry a legally divorced man and offer him my love.  And I would have offered you my love, had you given me a chance.

Your father is the finest man I know.  You have missed out on a lot by cutting him out of your lives.  While I suppose your mother didn't give you much of a choice but to reject your father, one of the reasons your father left is because she made his life miserable and tried to force him to be her slave.  But mark my words, there will come a day when you will wish you knew him.

I knew my father when I was growing up.  He is still married to my mother.  Yes, he was around-- an "everyday daddy", as one of you put it--, but he was often a perfect ass.  I would have loved to have had a father like yours when I was growing up.  Your dad still loves you both so much, even though neither of you deserve it.

Although I have never met your mother in person, I have read her emails and have talked to people who have known her since she was a teenager.  She is a toxic, hateful, crazy woman who uses people.  She shamelessly uses children to fight her battles and keep other people in line.  Now that neither of you are children anymore, you can no longer be used for that purpose.  Your worth is now significantly less in her eyes.  Be prepared to have your little sister's and brother's affections held over your heads to keep you in line.  When you have children, be prepared to protect them from your mother and defend yourself from her insidious need to take your power away from you.  She will no doubt do everything she can to use them to control you.  You are nothing but objects to your mother; but don't take that personally.  Everyone is just an object to her.  In her twisted world, the only person who really matters is her.

I should probably feel sorry for you.  On one level, I do.  I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for you to grow up with her raising you.  I can only wonder if you ever even missed the man who has loved and supported you all your lives.  You just threw him away.  Well, don't worry.  I will take good care of him.  He'll be okay.  I will see to that.

Good luck.


  1. You know, Knotty, I hope they (the step-daughters) manage to start loving their dad for who he is while he and they can still enjoy each other... 'cause if they don't come 'round until too late, then I wonder if they'd ever be able to forgive their mom for it. :o( A sad fix it is. Good on you for being there for your husband! :o) I can't imagine just how badly he must need it, what with this lost daughters thingy.

  2. Hi Smorg,

    It's hard to tell what will happen. Sadly, I think my husband's daughters are deeply entrenched in a cult within a cult. Their mother is like a cult leader and they are also extremely involved in their very conservative church (if you know what I mean). They have been manipulated into thinking their father is an evil, abusive apostate who hurt their mother. If you knew my husband, you would know just how preposterous that is. He is one of the most kind-hearted, gentle people I know. There are a lot of bastard birth fathers out there, but my husband is not one of them. He truly wanted to do right by his kids.

    Unfortunately, they are very brainwashed and seem to lack any common sense whatsoever. Unless they make some very big changes, I'm not even sure it would be a good thing to have them around. I could see them using future grandchildren to try to manipulate my husband. They would have learned that trick from the best.

    I truly wish things had been different. I never wanted to be anyone's evil stepmother. On the other hand, I have no intentions of letting my husband's ex wife or kids run my life.


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