Monday, December 26, 2011

Family horror show... the next generation

Last year, I posted about my husband's ungrateful, entitled former stepson.  I won't go too much into the details about that situation, because I already spelled them out in the earlier post and frankly, it still pisses me off.  I will just state here that my husband raised the young man as his own, even though he never adopted him.  They had a big falling out in 2009, when the young man elected to change his name without telling the man he's always called dad.  We haven't heard from him since my husband decided to stop paying child support when the lad was 21 years old.

My husband does check on his kids and his ex stepson on occasion.  He also looks up his ex wife, just to make sure she's not doing anything diabolical that would affect him.  A few months ago, my husband discovered a Wedding Channel entry for ex stepson and his girlfriend, a young lady we had the chance to meet several years ago.  Then yesterday, he discovered ex stepson's girlfriend has apparently become his wife.  She had a wedding picture on Facebook.

I glanced at the photo for seconds, long enough for me to block her.  It's not that I have anything against the young woman.  In fact, I feel sorry for her.  She has married into a nightmare.  Even if ex stepson changes his ways and turns out to be the world's greatest husband, she will have to deal with my husband's personality disordered ex wife as her mother-in-law.  At this point, they live on opposite sides of the country.  If I were the new wife, I would hope with all my heart that's how it stays.  But I have a feeling that knowing my husband's ex wife, things are going to be rough for ex stepson's beloved.

Six years ago, when the boy was eighteen, ex called my husband in hysterics because the lad had decided he wanted to move out of her house.  She wanted my husband to "talk some sense into the boy" and get him to stay home with her.  But my husband did not agree that the lad should stay home with his mom.  In fact, he thought it would be the best thing for him to get out on his own and told his ex as much.

Ex lamented that she didn't like the girlfriend because she reminded her of herself at that age and she worried that the lad would get her pregnant.  She thought the girl was too needy.  As she was a teen at the time, I'm sure the young lady was indeed needy and dramatic, but we did meet her and she struck us as being level-headed. She did seem to have an inkling of what was going on with her future mother-in-law, even if she was blind to the fact that her boyfriend is a snake.

So the boy and his girlfriend, the same woman he married, went off to live in another state.  They lasted almost a year before they went back home.  Ex "rewarded" the young man by helping him go to college and paying for his plane ticket to my husband's father's house.  They were going to meet up so my husband could give him a car, free and clear, because we were moving abroad and could only ship one car with us.  In hindsight, we should have sold the car and spent the money on a weekend trip in Europe.

Anyway, not long after the boy collected my husband's old car... the one I threw up in one night after a particularly drunken evening at an Army ball... he started talking about reconnecting with his long lost father, the man he had once bragged about "kicking out of his life" at age six.  Husband and I were fine with that, because we suspected the lad's bio father had gotten a raw deal.  And we also knew that ex was expecting us to be outraged and we didn't want to give her that satisfaction.

Two years later, we discovered the young man was changing his name.  Husband and I were not upset that the boy was changing his name, since it never should have been changed in the first place.  Husband had never adopted the boy and, I suspect, ex had done the name change illegally anyway.  My husband was, however, angry that his "son" had opted to make this major life change without so much as a word to him about it.  Ex stepson's excuse for not telling my husband was that he was afraid of his reaction...  Given the fact that families are supposed to be forever, especially since the lad was raised LDS and "Families Forever" is their mantra, we both thought it was odd that the boy did not think my husband would find out about the name change at some point.  I guess he was planning to cut ties once the child support gravy train ended.

So now we've discovered that the lad got married.  We found out about it on the Internet, just like we've found out about everything else pertaining to my husband's kids and former stepson.

My thoughts now turn to the pretty young lady who married my husband's ex stepson.  Six years ago, I actually warned her in a tentative way about what might lie in her future if she married into the family.  And at that time, I still had some good will toward my husband's kids and considered ex stepson part of the family.  Today, I don't see him that way at all.

Here's what I do know about ex stepson 

* Ex stepson is a very charming guy who knows all the "right" things to say.

* Ex stepson doesn't have any qualms about lying and taking advantage of people.

* Ex stepson is his mother's son in many ways.  He acts like her.  He rationalizes his bad behavior and comes up with spurious reasons for his questionable actions.  He's also a bit controlling and has a temper that he tries to hide, sometimes unsuccessfully.

* Ex stepson has had brushes with the law.

* Ex stepson seems to care a lot more about money than he does people.

* Ex stepson has admitted to drug use and has been arrested because of it.

* Ex stepson has had admitted to having financial problems.

* Ex stepson is very manipulative and tries to play people against each other.  He's a con artist.

* Ex stepson has a history of "hitching his wagon to a star".  He finds people who are willing to do all the work and aligns with them, then takes the credit.

* Ex stepson has had a troubled homelife.

Here's what I know about the ex

* She has a long history of failed relationships.  Every time a relationship fails, it's always totally the other person's fault. She does not take responsibility for her problems or her failures.

* Ex has a history of financial problems to include bankruptcy and foreclosure.

* Ex has dreams of "being someone".

* Ex has big time abandonment issues and has already had issues with her son being on his own.  She has admitted to not liking the girl he married.  I doubt her attitude has changed.

* Ex never does anything with no strings attached.  She helped ex stepson get an education.  She will expect loyalty in return.

* Ex manipulates people, especially children or people who are naive.

* Ex is good at telling sob stories and lies and rallying people to her cause.

* Ex has a long history of upheavals and seems to think nothing of moving at the drop of a hat.  I expect she will find a way to move closer to her son if she thinks she's losing control of him.

This is why I think the next generation of family hell is about to begin...

* Ex seems to be doing a lot of things her own mother did to her when she was growing up.

* Ex never lets anyone go completely, and certainly not someone she gave birth to.  She had no compunction about contacting her first husband, the man who supposedly abused her and their son, when it suited her needs, even though they hadn't spoken in about 15 years.  It wouldn't surprise me if her first ex husband is now rueing that day.

* Ex has connections in her old state.  She may not have much money, but that's never stopped her from doing what she wants to do.

* If Ex stepson and his wife have a baby, Ex will want to be there to manipulate it.  She does not let anyone go... certainly not someone who has her blood running through its veins.

* Ex is now off the gravy train and apparently doesn't have a job.  Her youngest kids are now at the age at which she has historically gotten a divorce.  They are still young enough to be manipulated.  It would not surprise me if her recent move cross country was, in fact, a way to ditch her husband.  He's finally set up in a job.  She made it clear to my husband that she never wanted to marry her third husband.  Now is the time for her to line things up for a divorce and move closer to her son and his new wife.  Meanwhile third husband would be stuck on the other side of the country, having to work to pay child support and alimony.  He would not be near the kids, so she could easily alienate them, too.  And the fact that she doesn't work could work in her favor when it comes time to determine child support.

* Ex has a history of making dramatic moves either before or after she gets a divorce.  She left her first husband and moved abroad to be with my husband.  She left my husband and moved to a western state after they split up.  She just left the western state for the east coast a few months ago.   Give her a year or two for things to dissipate in the western state and for ex stepson's wife to get pregnant and she'll have a perfect excuse to move again...  That, and the weather where she is now is shitty for a good portion of the year.

* Based on our sources, my husband's daughters apparently preferred the old state and are comfortable there.  They would likely have no issues moving back there.  In fact, they might even find suitable spouses.  Where they are living now, I would imagine that suitable young men would be less plentiful.

We'll see what happens.  I would actually like to put all of these people out of my mind, but it's like a train wreck.  And my husband, God bless him, still loves his daughters, even if they despise him.  He wants to know how things turn out for them.  Parental love is blind.


  1. Looks like we can use a 'miracle', Knotty... ;D

    Hope you're having a good final week of 2011!

  2. Thanks Smorg. Actually, it has been a nice week, though I could have done without the family horror show update which prompted this post. I have been trying to move on and think less about this stuff because there's nothing I can do about it and frankly, it's none of my business anyway. But my husband is curious and starts talking about it and then the wheels in my head start turning. I start thinking about all the innocent people who will eventually be affected.

    I wish you a Happy New Year.


Comments on older posts will be moderated until further notice.