Sunday, July 3, 2011

People whose "shit doesn't stink" versus people who have an "inner glow"

My husband's daughter doesn't know that her father has found her blog.  He reads it regularly.  I don't look at it, because it makes me sad and angry.  But my husband sometimes tells me about things his child writes on her blog.  This kid, who, along with her sister, sent my husband a hate letter and "decided" to disown him when she was 12, tries very hard to come across as an intensely moral and noble girl with "high standards".  She preaches about her church and the "right" way to behave and believe, and ultimately comes across as fake, holier than thou, and just plain weird.  It's as if she's trying so hard to be a shining beacon of righteousness-- that person that everyone admires-- but ultimately looks like an annoying freak.

In my offline life, I have been lucky enough to know some truly admirable people.  These are people who don't have to work hard to be good because they already are good.  These are people who are always thoughtful and considerate and don't have to think about being that way because they come by it naturally.  They wouldn't dream of intentionally hurting other people.  They have empathy, even for their (very few) enemies.  They have an inner glow that is reflected on their faces when they enter a room.  People are drawn to them because they are positive people who don't try to raise their self-image by showing another person up.

My husband is one of those people.  He is a very kind, considerate, loving person.  He hurts when another person hurts.  He has an attitude of service toward other people and always does what he can to better a situation.  Sadly, his children are the only ones who don't see that side of him because they have selfishly decided to shun him and everyone else in his family.

My aunt is also one of those people with an inner glow.  My father's brother's wife always puts other peoples' wants and needs before her own.  She has a gentle, generous spirit and does good because it wouldn't occur to her not to do good.  I have several friends who are genuinely good people.  They have genuine empathy for others and others respond by genuinely admiring them.  They are just really good eggs and people love them for being who they are.

I will freely admit--and I'm sure it comes across in my blog-- that I am not a person with an inner glow that instantly draws people.  I often have a bad attitude.  I can be very selfish and critical of other people.  But I don't pretend to be someone I'm not.  I don't patronize people by assuming that they should look up to me.  At least I try not to.  I don't spend a lot of time with other people and don't assume that they would or should like me.   In fact, I often assume people won't like me.          

My husband's daughter is not an unattractive girl in the physical sense.  She was lucky enough to inherit my husband's good looks.  Unfortunately, she has also inherited her mother's yucky personality, which, coupled with her rigid thinking, makes her try to be someone she's not.  She recently posted about how the boys don't seem to like her much.  I'm sure it has little to do with her looks and everything to do with her personality, which is pretty unpleasant because she tries so hard to one up other people and constantly maintains a high horse mentality.  Instead of being herself and presenting a real image of who she is, flaws and all, she projects a fake image of who she thinks she should be.  Consciously trying to set a "good" example for others to follow is really the height of arrogance... unless, perhaps, you are raising a child or in a position of authority that specifically mandates setting a good example.  And even then, riding a high horse is still pretty damn off-putting.  

I swear... if I had the stomach to read that blog, I just might be tempted to leave a comment letting that girl know that her shit stinks as much as everyone else's does.

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