Soo... this morning, I was awakened very early by my dear husband, who was on his way to work. Before he takes off, he always takes our younger beagle out so he can take a whiz. Our younger pooch, Zane, is having trouble mastering the intricacies of housetraining, so we try to be vigilant and give him lots of opportunities to relieve himself. Hubby gave me a kiss and let the dog back into our bedroom.
Zane didn't want to go back to sleep like he usually does. Instead of crawling back under the covers and passing out, he kept jumping off the bed. In retrospect, I should have taken him out again, but I wanted to sleep. But then I couldn't sleep and my mind started wandering to darker places. I started thinking about people who piss me off... and there are a LOT of them. I have a terrible habit of holding grudges and I have a memory that is entirely too long for my own good.
Then, as I was laying there, trying in vain to fall asleep, I started thinking about how cruel the passage of time can be. I've never been a looker, really. I'm too fat for my own good and have been that way for probably fifteen years or so. I had a couple of periods of relative slimness during that time, when I lost drastic amounts of weight without even trying. But the weight always comes back. I've also never been much for wearing a lot of makeup. I find it impractical, especially since I don't see anyone but my dogs on most days. I hate visiting doctors because I hate being lectured and I've had some bad experiences dealing with doctors.
Anyway, the sun wasn't yet up, so I decided to watch Dallas. Yes, I enjoy shows from the 70s and 80s... I didn't get a chance to watch Dallas when it was hot because it was during my childhood. It's interesting to watch it now, just to see what the fuss was all about. I started thinking about the women on the show who, at that time, were all my age right now. They're all beautiful and successful, the way I always thought I wanted to be. But they all have problems, too.
I caught myself doing a few perfunctory exercises in a vain attempt to maintain some semblance of a figure. Then I got up and took the dogs out and found out why Zane didn't want to stay in bed. I walked up the hill and was surprised by four deer, three of which were laying down in the woods, enjoying the morning.
Then I got to work on my housekeeping... feeling ambitious this morning... vacuumed all the carpets and steamed them, took out the trash, started a load of laundry and even decided to do the sheets. Yep, it's good to be useful and productive... to take my mind off all the bitter shit from the past.